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The theory is that, in an emergency, you would grab the kid but not the seat... but the seat would be in your way, so that's bad. The fattie, on the other hand, will gradually get up and waddle off, leaving the way clear for you.

In practice, the better option would be to stand up in your seat, jump as high as you can and use the fattie's stomach as a trampoline to bounce you into the aisle. This will only work on the newer planes with higher ceilings.

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I had a cabbie last week criticize my cell phone manners.

We got to the destination and he turned around and said "You think you big man, saying 'fuck fuck fuck', beeeg man." I thought for a second, "Who's this asshole to criticize me for how I talk on the phone?" But then I thought, "This guy has brass balls... he's risking no tip at all to tell me I'm being a boorish dick." So I tipped him well and sheepishly said "You're right, buddy." I wonder how often that "shame the obnoxious customer" shtick works for him...

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onetime when I was on a Virgin Atlantic flight, the freaking cockney FA wouldn't give the guy sitting next to me a drink until he said please...the same FA didn't realize, when she picked up the guy (in the row across the aisle from us) from the middle of the aisle and he didn't even flinch that he was in a diabetic coma....took passengers to finally get someone to pay attention and he had to be raced off in an ambulance from the tarmac.

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I am surprised that it took this long for a post containing the word "fatty" to show up in our little airplane discussion.

Occupations (other than ours) Worthy of Our Derision and Scorn
 

Legal secretaries?

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Doubtlessly she was thinking "I hate lawyers." WTF? Who cares if she is wrong on a technical point of the rules, if all she is doing is tyring to make sure that the people in the exit row understand that they may have to do something if there's an emergency? Is the FAs understanding of every detail of the FAA regs really that important to you? Were you trying to start a debate? Did you expect her to take your word for it? Were you intended to start an attorney-client relationship with the airline by rendering legal advice about the interpretation of FAA rules? (better alert the firm's carrier!)

I'm reminded of a geek in my law school class who gave the sweet bookstore lady endless grief when she asked for his phone number on the credit card slip, because California had recently enacted legislation that prohibited this. So freaking what? If he really cared, he should have taken his complaint to her superiorssince they were the ones putting the policy in place. If he was just trying to prove his superior, lawyer-like knowledge, then he did the right thing.


eta: Apparently I just couldn't wait until tomorrow. BnB knows I love her, though, and not just for her long, slinky legs.

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Try and tell them which route to take. "You think you know city better than me? I have 4 degrees. FOUR degrees! I am probably more educated than you!"

Of course this pissed me off so I responded with the obvious "so what the fuck are you doing driving a cab?"

Take the route that I want to take, assfuck.

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It's stupid to get an aisle seat if you plan to sleep, because you could be decapitated by a beverage cart. That would be messy and would keep others from getting their drinks. Very rude.

I once had a flight on America West where a very rude woman in front of me, in the bulkhead row, put her backpack under her seat, that is, in my legroom, and wouldn't fucking move it, "because I don't have anywhere to put it," even though a gentleman on the other side of the aisle (not bulkhead) offered to put it under the seat in front of him. I told the woman that I was tall and that I deliberately only carried on one small bag so that I could have the room for my long luscious legs, and that she had no right to put her bag there, but she didn't move it, and the FA would not intervene.

So I fumed for a while, and considered whether I ought to get more confrontational, but decided instead to stomp on her bag with my feet, ruining the leather and crushing all of her precious crap that couldn't go in the overhead bin.

That was almost ten years ago, and I still remember it -- such is the frustration of air travel.

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Its inevitable. Have you ever had to do three hours next to a wheezing garbage bag full of jello, rolls hanging over the armrest style? You feel like a dick every time you ask to use the restroom because the guy moans and struggles to get up and appears to need a shoehorn to get back into the seat later. That is the genesis of my fatty discrimination. When you're too big for an airline seat, you should either be flying first class with the rest of the offensive line, or you should not be flying at all.

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This goes back to my theory that people in service industries grasp on to the little bit of power they have in their lives, granted to them by their shitty job, like SD with a mirror.

I ran into a real estate agent who told me, after handing me a contract for a lease to sign, that New York State law prohibited anyone from changing or altering the lease in any way. Then she handed me a supplement to the lease, drafted by her office, full of riders. I asked her if she understood that what she said was complete bullshit and that she had, in fact, just handed me a bunch of changes to the lease. She gave me a blank stare. I asked her if she made it up or if her superiors were telling her to say that to people. She went to get a superior and he said that she was mistaken and that it was office policy, not state law.

I think she made it up.

TM

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We're all just micro-Judge Dredds, doling out our sentences as we see fit. I love it.

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I usually too busy jerking off to pay attention to the route.

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I wasn't trying to start a debate, you sanctimonious prick. I've just sat in the exit row enough times to know that merely nodding your head is sufficient for the FAA.

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I pulled this only once. Some assclown taxi driver in Montreal drove me all over the city for half an hour racking up fare and pretending not to understand English, when the destination was ten minutes away. He then ended the ride in a dark, deserted parking lot next to a stadium and told me in broken French to get out and walk to where I needed to go, thereby getting raped and killed before I got to my destination if I wouldn't pay the full fare. I told him in English that if I wasn't safely where I was supposed to be in five minutes flat I would take his fucking house, have his fucking company shut down, and be glad to see their goons doubtless break every fucking bone in his body for it and leave him in a similar deserted parking lot to die.

I was at my restaurant in 3 minutes flat, and have never pulled the assholey lawyer card before or since.

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You think you beeg beeg man, telling driver how to drive and saying assfuck fuck fuck.

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Last flight I was on. Missed my flight, stood by and got stuck with a cetner seat.

Window seat: a rather portly chap who had to lift the armrest between us after he ate bc he expanded too much and had to overflow into my seat.

Middle: me, queen of the beveages. I have coffee going to read up on boring stuff, lots of water to keep hydrated, and a glass of wine or two throughtout bc turblulence scares me.

aisle seat: a sleeper.

It was a disaster., Fat guy is embarrassed by his overflowage. I am annoyed at him for taking part of my seat without paying for it but embarrassed I have to keep stepping over sleeping guy to go pee and sleeping guy is annoyed I keep disturbing him to go to the bathroom.

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Just to be fair, (why? because we love you!), I bet if I stood up there and gave that stupid little "put the mask over your face" demonstration six thousand times to a bunch of people who ignored me and yapped right through the speech, and then complained about the flight taking off ten minutes late, and then asked me to bring them a pillow that they walked past on the way in, I'd think of ways to fuck with them, too.

And I'm a pleasant guy.

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Plus fatties make excellent flotation devices in the event of a water landing.

Red Shoes
 

Of Aries?

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I actually don't tell them which way to go until they've gotten me stuck in an obvious traffic jam or have taken me in the opposite direction. So shuddup, assfuck.

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God, I fucking hate lawyers - and everybody else - who acts like that. I had a buddy who used to tell people it was against the law to have credit card minimums. He'd say that shit to guys who barely spoke English in Chinese markets. Total idiot.

Oh, and people who take out doggy bags or send food back when its just slightly incorrectly prepared should be beaten with heavy chains. I understand if the steak is well done and you wanted rare, but I don't think it will kill you if the black bean soup is drizzled with sour cream. If you're lactose intolerant, wipe the cream off. As to doggy bags, don't be such a cheap bastard. You probably aren't going to eat that cold shit when you get it home anyway, so give the poor waiter a break. He doesn't want to wrap your one sq. inch of glass noodles.

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Again, so what, you prissy bitch? (wow, gratuitous name-calling is fun!) You have a FA whose supervisor or training manual told her "The FAA requires this." You, of course, have the enormous knowledge garnered from sitting in the exit row on a dozen flights (probably the number of flights this FA works in a single week -- but still, your knowledge is clearly impressive.)

The lady's got plane full of stressed out people who hate travelling. Give her a frigging verbal response. You had to do it anyway, and you had to know that would be the result.

These criticisms do not apply to TM's story or the other stories about people using legal knowledge to prevent someone from screwing them over. But hating an FA because she asks you to say "yes" instead of nodding your head? You poor, poor baby.

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Funny, I never had you pegged for having experience in the food service industry.

How were the tips?

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Yeah, but it's their effing job. I am nice to clients I hate because it's my job. Am I sometimes a bitch to the convenience store idiot who is super slow and irritating? Do I fuck with people who are not my clients? Yes. But it is not my job to be nice or not fuck with them. I bet it sucks to be a flight attendant. That's why I'm not a flight attendant.

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Worse are the ones who constantly pester and berate the waiter over every tiny thing, sit at the table for 4 hours so no one else can take it over and give the waiter a break, then leave a miserably shitty tip in retaliation for no wrong done to them. Yes, they're servers and ought to do their job well. But for 2.35 an hour plus your lordly minion-crushing plus your pissant tip, they ought to beat your face in with their platter. I no longer dine with these assholes--I had to flee to the "bathroom" (bar) for half the evening to ease my chagrin.

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I don't. But I do have a load of experience with being embarrassed by asshole friends and associates.

Funny, ain't it? Associates bitch all day about partners behaving like cocksuckers, then they do the same thing to people working for them at restaurants. I've found that if you're nice to waiters/bartenders - and not just nice in regard to tips, but actually acting polite and respectful - you get all sorts of killer tables and perks. Once cat who I thought was a host buys me and the wife a round when he sees us. We got to talking and I found out he owns most of the place. Restaurants frequently get into litigation for all sorts of stuff.

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Fuck that. I'm taking the other half of my $40 porterhouse home. I guarantee I eat it.

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You think you beeg beeg man and you can't even finish steak!

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You have no idea...

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Too much bread! Too much goddamn bread!

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This is why I always get better seats and service than Abba.

The downside, of course, is that I don't get to experience that rush of raw power that comes from berating the peasants . . .

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Then why did you have him pegged?

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Hey, you get business in the strangest places.

I'd love to own a restaurant someday, but I'd die. I'd eat everything and drink around the clock and lose my ass. Its tough work, but I actually love doing the table to table shmoozing bit. I actually enjoyed that gig during my wedding. When you're buzzed, small talk is really interesting. You just need to have a coffee or smoke after every thrid drink.

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2.35 an hour? Jesus effing christ. I suppose other states haven't followed California's lead in declaring that minumum wage means minimum wage, and the food service industry doesn't get to offset that with potential tips?

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SD is mostly correct here. It amazes me that more people don't realize this.

And it applies to the people in the office, too. You don't think that that idiot real estate partner who yells at the IT staff is last on the list when his computer crashes? Or that the chick in corporate who is snotty to the word processing clerk doesn't have her "must have" agreement shoved to the bottom of the stack?

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Hey now, I said SOMETIMES I am an asshole. I am ridiculously charming most of the time. And I am rarely if ever mean to a bartender or server. Ancient Abba Proverb say "Be not ass to he who bring me drink."

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Sometimes doggy bags are used for...wait for it...doggies!

TM

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Sidd, sweetheart...Let me ask you a question.

Suppose you are on a flight with Mrs. Finch. You and she are chatting and the FA begins her safety features demonstation. You know how to operate the seatbelt, the oxygen mask and you have already located the exits nearest you. As you and the Missus continue to chat, the FA stops her demonstation, taps you on the knee and says "Sir, I really must insist that you pay attention."

Would you not find that irritating? Would you not want to punch her in the face? Would you not think that FA's just love to fuck with passengers because they can?

Cause that's my point. They fuck with passengers because they can. Because they hate passengers too. As much as we hate them. The difference is, its their fucking job.

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I'm nice to people just to be nice!!!! Not b/c it will possibly come back to haunt me if I'm not!

:angel:

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You're so cute when you get tough.

TM