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barely_legal 09-14-2005 03:09 PM
Kill Reality
 
Quote:
Originally posted by notcasesensitive
Has anyone watched this? If not, tune into a replay of the finale, which has the lowest moment in reality tv to date. Good stuff.
I've watched every minute. Comedy gold.

SPOILER

One of the funniest moments in reality television history is when Rob said to Johnny "No, we didn't think to include in the contract where you could and could not defecate."

nononono 09-14-2005 03:09 PM
Sad story
 
Quote:
Originally posted by dtb
Don't play coy with me, missy. I invented that trick.

You've been warned.
I don't know what you mean! Just minding my own business here. And I did not disappear unaccountably from the party for a few minutes a little time ago, no way.

dtb 09-14-2005 03:09 PM
Sad story
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Which is more slimming?
That depends. Are you a pear or an apple?

taxwonk 09-14-2005 03:10 PM
I Had A Dream
 
Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
Flinty beat (tee hee!) all of us to the joke here.

I had a dream a couple of weeks ago that I haven't gotten around to sharing with the Board. This one had no recently departed news anchors -- it was populated entirely of FB people.

I was riding on a bus with Sequels. Coltrane and Sebby had just died engaging in a heroic ocean rescue (although those rescuers perished, the victims survived), and Sequels was devastated. As we rode along toward our undetermined destination, I consoled her while she wept over her lost love and the wedding and the family that was never to be. As I was tut-tutting and telling Sequels how much Coltrane loved her (all the while holding back my tears over my lost internet love, out of deference to his beloved wife), the bus driver piped up and said, in a snarky tone, "Don't listen to her sentimental crap. Coltrane had cold feet, big time, and only proposed because you were both hitting thirty and he saw the ultimatum on the wall."

I turned to see that it was Piagow driving the bus. She had a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and was wearing a getup you might see on Stevie Nicks, if she were homeless. Lots of chiffon and whatnot. She had her left foot, which was shod in a high-heeled strappy sandal, up on the dash, which was curious because the bus had a manual transmission.

I turned my attention away from the driver and back to Sequels, to whom I said, "Don't listen to her, she's crazy, and bitter because Coltrane was never her internet boyfriend. Coltrane really loved you. He said that you were the only woman he'd ever dated whom he wanted to be with exclusively. If you don't believe me, ask Gwinky, DTB, and Fringey."

I think Sequels was consoled, but at that point my attention was again distracted, this time by the fact that the bus was headed straight for the river. At this point I noticed empty Shiraz bottles and wine-filled chocolate boxes on the bus floor, and I called out, "Who the fuck let Paigow drive the fucking bus?"

As the river drew ever closer, and I pondered how the newspaper headline would convey the painful irony of Sequels's perishing in a water-related accident so soon after losing her fiance to a water rescue (and how my love affair with Sebby would never be acknowledged) I realized, with great relief, that we were riding on one of those duck tour buses.

When I got off in front of the Lincoln Memorial, Thurgreed was there to meet me, and the first thing he said was, "Who the fuck let Paigow drive the fucking bus?"
I think you made this up.

dtb 09-14-2005 03:10 PM
Sad story
 
Quote:
Originally posted by nononono
I don't know what you mean! Just minding my own business here. And I did not disappear unaccountably from the party for a few minutes a little time ago, no way.
[pointing to my eyes -- then pointing to you]

You might want to have somebody else start your car for you.

I'm just sayin'.

sebastian_dangerfield 09-14-2005 03:11 PM
Fashion Boy
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ironweed
No good. Sebby gets a mean camel toe in tight pants.
Fat guy “pants-too-tight-when-he-sits” camel toe?

If I ever get a below the belt gut, I am so ending it all.

nononono 09-14-2005 03:12 PM
Sad story
 
Quote:
Originally posted by dtb
[pointing to my eyes -- then pointing to you]

You might want to have somebody else start your car for you.

I'm just sayin'.
Oh, no problem. I've arranged "another ride home."

sebastian_dangerfield 09-14-2005 03:13 PM
Sad story
 
Quote:
Originally posted by dtb
That depends. Are you a pear or an apple?
What kind of options are those?

NotFromHere 09-14-2005 03:14 PM
Fashion Boy
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Which is more slimming?

Scratch that... I want the one with ruffles.
Ruffles or animal print?
http://www.costumeexpo.com/2004_prod...sories/698.jpg

http://www.costumeexpo.com/Products/.../3/muffett.jpg

http://www.costumeexpo.com/2004_prod...umes/42600.jpg

taxwonk 09-14-2005 03:15 PM
Sad story
 
Quote:
Originally posted by nononono
Oh, no problem. I've arranged "another ride home."
So the hand on the ass thing is still gold, eh?

sebastian_dangerfield 09-14-2005 03:15 PM
Fashion Boy
 
Quote:
Originally posted by NotFromHere
Ruffles or animal print?
http://www.costumeexpo.com/2004_prod...sories/698.jpg
What army is he a lieutenant in?

nononono 09-14-2005 03:16 PM
Sad story
 
Quote:
Originally posted by taxwonk
So the hand on the ass thing is still gold, eh?
Only on Wednesdays.

NotFromHere 09-14-2005 03:19 PM
Fashion Boy
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
What army is he a lieutenant in?
Don't make me say it.

Fine then. Captain and Lieutenant.

http://www.siue.edu/COSTUMES/images/PLATE38DX.JPG

taxwonk 09-14-2005 03:19 PM
Sad story
 
Quote:
Originally posted by nononono
Only on Wednesdays.
My lucky day.

nononono 09-14-2005 03:21 PM
Sad story
 
Quote:
Originally posted by taxwonk
My lucky day.
Indeed.

"No timing issues" - check.

bold_n_brazen 09-14-2005 03:24 PM
Kill Reality
 
Quote:
Originally posted by barely_legal
I've watched every minute. Comedy gold.

SPOILER

One of the funniest moments in reality television history is when Rob said to Johnny "No, we didn't think to include in the contract where you could and could not defecate."
I agree. Watched it all, like a train wreck. Except Monday's epsiode, which conflicted with another train wreck.

Did you just call me Coltrane? 09-14-2005 03:25 PM
I Had A Dream
 
Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
Please. Alison Hannigan is cute, but definitely not hot.

I was referring to the exchange student chick. But now that you mention Buffy, Sequels actually she looked more like Cordelia than like the American Pie chick.
Closest celebrity look-a-like would be Cameron Diaz, before she got rail thin.

futbol fan 09-14-2005 03:26 PM
Green-Eyed Monster
 
Quote:
Originally posted by taxwonk
My lucky day.
Not for nuthin', but the last time someone tried to move in on one of Not Bob's little chippies they never found the guy's body. I'm just sayin'.

LessinSF 09-14-2005 03:26 PM
Kill Reality
 
Quote:
Originally posted by barely_legal
I've watched every minute. Comedy gold.

SPOILER

One of the funniest moments in reality television history is when Rob said to Johnny "No, we didn't think to include in the contract where you could and could not defecate."
I too have watched every glorious minute, but I have a bone to pick with Rob C:

I understand that he included Johnny solely to spice up the TV show to hype what will undoubtedly be a shitty movie, but what I don't understand is Rob's, Trishelle's, Katie's, Tonya's, and apparently everyone's position that they luv and/or are great friends with Johnny. I saw absolutely no redeeming behavior from him. And I cannot even begin to comprehend what is so fucked up in the American female's psyche (or at least those who get cast on reality television) that they are attracted to him. As best as I could figure it out, Trishelle, Tonya and Katie have all fucked him??!!?!?! I defy anyone to explain that to me.

Mmmm, Burger (C.J.) 09-14-2005 03:31 PM
Sad story
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
If you get sent to a war, and bring your wrong camo color do you get sent home to get the right one?
No. Sent into the field to draw fire.

btw, fringe, haven't you been reading how they have to strap armor plates from tanks onto their humvees just to be mildly safe? Same with outfits. If the boots don't match the belt, tha'ts just war.

Shape Shifter 09-14-2005 03:31 PM
Sad story
 
Quote:
Originally posted by nononono
Eh, he was rude, so yeah. Besides, too much, and it's just overkill.
Too much what?

ThurgreedMarshall 09-14-2005 03:34 PM
Fuck it, we're going to Five Razors
 
Has anyone read that Onion article released awhile back that had the President of one of the Razor Companies say, "Fuck what the nerds in R&D say, we're going straight to Five Razors."

Well, as usual, The Onion is ahead of the times. But why call it Fusion when "Mach 5" would have all the previous marketing and success to stand on?

http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/msnbc/Co...ed.hmedium.jpg

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9340767/

Has anyone tried the Quattro? Is it better? I stopped at the vibrating Mach 3.

TM

nononono 09-14-2005 03:35 PM
Sad story
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Too much what?
Stop. Don't make me say it.

ThurgreedMarshall 09-14-2005 03:37 PM
I Had A Dream
 
Quote:
Originally posted by str8outavannuys
Ok, last night after walking my dog and listening to my iPod on "shuffle songs", I fell asleep and had a dream. The soundtrack to my dream was a song I hadn't heard in ages -- 21 Gun Salute by Soulcracker (VH1's Bands on the Run). -- It starts with the line "Relive the good times/cling to the past/with a 21 gun salute/and a flag flown at half mast/I can't take away the memory of the one that you loved last/But I can turn this picture into ash"

Anyways, during the dream, I was competing in a bass fishing tournament. But I didn't have a good rod and reel. All I had was a hose with a fish hook on the end. I was way behind and about to give up, when suddenly I felt that I had the bass-fishing equivalent of the golden snitch on my line. I pulled it up, and it was the size and appearance of my beloved dachsund/pappillon. I wrestled with it, and it bit me, and I tried to choke it, but then decided that I was being stupid, and let it go.

The next morning, I resumed listening to my shuffle mix while walking my dog, and the second song that came up (I did not reshuffle) was 21 Gun Salute by Soulcracker. Note that I have over 7000 songs on my iPod.

So Joseph, what do you make of this dream?
Translation: I have 7000 songs on my iPod. PLF, send me some love.

TM

NotFromHere 09-14-2005 03:38 PM
Fuck it, we're going to Five Razors
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Has anyone read that Onion article released awhile back that had the President of one of the Razor Companies say, "Fuck what the nerds in R&D say, we're going straight to Five Razors."

Well, as usual, The Onion is ahead of the times. But why call it Fusion when "Mach 5" would have all the previous marketing and success to stand on?

TM
Because Speed Racer would totally bitch.
http://www.speedracer.com/media/pic_mach5.gif

Mmmm, Burger (C.J.) 09-14-2005 03:41 PM
Fuck it, we're going to Five Razors
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Has anyone read that Onion article released awhile back that had the President of one of the Razor Companies say, "Fuck what the nerds in R&D say, we're going straight to Five Razors."
Yeah. Did we note then that SNL did that gag 25 years ago (or more, now), suggesting a three-blade razor "because you'll believe anything"?

FWIW, I prefer my two-blade Sensor to the Mach 3. I haven't tried the vibration feature. I'll consult with the women of the board before I do.

Shape Shifter 09-14-2005 03:41 PM
Sad story
 
Quote:
Originally posted by dtb
[pointing to my eyes -- then pointing to you]

You might want to have somebody else start your car for you.

I'm just sayin'.
It's okay, sweetie. I was in the bathroom. Ironweed was there, he can vouch for me.

Why was he watching me? Kinda creepy, actually.

dtb 09-14-2005 03:49 PM
Sad story
 
Quote:
Originally posted by nononono
Oh, no problem. I've arranged "another ride home."
Good idea.

nononono 09-14-2005 03:53 PM
Sad story
 
Quote:
Originally posted by dtb
Good idea.
I'm no fool. I can't throw it all away for a lizard. nttawwbal.

dtb 09-14-2005 03:55 PM
Sad story
 
Quote:
Originally posted by nononono
I'm no fool. I can't throw it all away for a lizard. nttawwbal.
I knew I liked you.

Did you just call me Coltrane? 09-14-2005 03:56 PM
Fuck it, we're going to Five Razors
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Has anyone read that Onion article released awhile back that had the President of one of the Razor Companies say, "Fuck what the nerds in R&D say, we're going straight to Five Razors."

Well, as usual, The Onion is ahead of the times. But why call it Fusion when "Mach 5" would have all the previous marketing and success to stand on?

http://msnbcmedia.msn.com/j/msnbc/Co...ed.hmedium.jpg

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9340767/

Has anyone tried the Quattro? Is it better? I stopped at the vibrating Mach 3.

TM
One of my favorite Onion articles. This is PLF ironic.

I use Gilette disposables. They seem to cut closer than the Machs. YMMV.

Not Bob 09-14-2005 03:57 PM
How can I find a woman like that?
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ironweed
Not for nuthin', but the last time someone tried to move in on one of Not Bob's little chippies they never found the guy's body. I'm just sayin'.
Word.

Apropos of nothing, "Not Bob's Little Chippies" would be a good name for a band.

Gattigap 09-14-2005 03:58 PM
How can I find a woman like that?
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Not Bob
Word.

Apropos of nothing, "Not Bob's Little Chippies" would be a good name for a band.
Or groupies, I would imagine.

nononono 09-14-2005 04:04 PM
How can I find a woman like that?
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Not Bob
Word.

Apropos of nothing, "Not Bob's Little Chippies" would be a good name for a band.
Ummmm, hi! Just making...idle chit-chat. Not to worry. Just don't ask too many questions.

Hank Chinaski 09-14-2005 04:05 PM
How can I find a woman like that?
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Not Bob
Word.

Apropos of nothing, "Not Bob's Little Chippies" would be a good name for a band.
The band would have guys and girls?

nononono 09-14-2005 04:07 PM
How can I find a woman like that?
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
The band would have guys and girls?
You'd like that, I suppose?

Not Bob 09-14-2005 04:14 PM
They don't know about us. They've never heard of love.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by nononono
Ummmm, hi! Just making...idle chit-chat. Not to worry. Just don't ask too many questions.
Fair enough. I'm just surprised to see wonk being forward, that's all.

Ty@50 09-14-2005 04:17 PM
They don't know about us. They've never heard of love.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Not Bob
Fair enough. I'm just surprised to see wonk being forward, that's all.
Have I mentioned that Wonk gets to be a big star in elder-porno?

str8outavannuys 09-14-2005 04:18 PM
Kill Reality
 
Quote:
Originally posted by LessinSF
I too have watched every glorious minute, but I have a bone to pick with Rob C:

I understand that he included Johnny solely to spice up the TV show to hype what will undoubtedly be a shitty movie, but what I don't understand is Rob's, Trishelle's, Katie's, Tonya's, and apparently everyone's position that they luv and/or are great friends with Johnny. I saw absolutely no redeeming behavior from him. And I cannot even begin to comprehend what is so fucked up in the American female's psyche (or at least those who get cast on reality television) that they are attracted to him. As best as I could figure it out, Trishelle, Tonya and Katie have all fucked him??!!?!?! I defy anyone to explain that to me.
Johnny Fairplay would make a good American Studies senior essay topic. What is his role in contemporary American culture? What does his fame say about where we're at as a society?

Shape Shifter 09-14-2005 04:20 PM
Kill Reality
 
Quote:
Originally posted by str8outavannuys
Johnny Fairplay would make a good American Studies senior essay topic. What is his role in contemporary American culture? What does his fame say about where we're at as a society?
An essay on ballroom dancing may be more helpful.


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