Why?
 

You're so cute when you get all up-on-your-soapbox-y.

Why?
 

I eat like a chick. I'm at that age where a lot of my friends are beginning to "fill out." I won't see them for a while, then I'll see them at some party/wedding and they'll have a fatter face, thicker mid section and they'll sweat more than what appears comfortable/healthy. Freaks me the fuck out. Seems to happen slowly and insidiously, when you're not looking. The only sure fire way around it is to own a lot of suits and pants at one certain size, which makes it economically impossible for you to gain weight. I can't afford to gain weight. I can't replace what I own.

Why?
 

I like cream in my coffee.
I like to sleep late on Sundays.


The Danger Mouse remix was overproduced.

Why?
 

Charley Kaufman is perpetually rewriting "Total Recall." He'd do better to pump out shorter stuff. That shtick only holds you for an hour or so.

Thats the chief reason I haven't popped my copy of the Machinist into the DVD player yet. I’m not sure I want to grapple with a reworked version of “Jacob’s Ladder.” “Is it real or is it a dream?” is pretty played out.

Why?
 

Yeh, but the "99 Problems" is worth the whole annoyance of downloading it. So much better than the original album track...

Why?
 

Neither can I. It was getting serious when my "fat suit" was fitting just fine. Problem is, I only have one such suit, so my wardrobe was pretty limited. If I didn't do something quick, I was going to have to start wearing my pajamas to work (or sweat pants -- either way, really).

To complicate matters, I then broke my leg (stress fracture), and wasn't going to be able to do much exercise. So, I really had to start watching what I ate. The sugar had to go, but I'm back to my mid-season form. I should throw the fat suit away.

Why?
 

Is it really the sugar though? Or is it all the tasty fat blended into the sugar? A teaspoon of sugar has 16 calories, if memory serves.

Mainstream
 

From a BNB* Review:

"It's like watching someone beat the hell out of your favorite toy till it's nothing more than dust, and then they spit and shit on it to prove their point."

http://www.houstonpress.com/Issues/2...ilm/film2.html

*not b_n_b

Why?
 

True. Nothing looks worse than an ill fitting suit. A buddy of mine always buys his slightly larger than he needs. I think the idea is he wants room in case he gains weight. Problem is, he’s a smoker, and barely eats, so he’s never going to gain weight.

The worst is new associates/clerks who wear shirts with collars two sizes too big. I want to say, “Hey, Wendell, buy a fucking shirt that fits. I don’t want to look at the full length of your Adams Apple and pencil neck.” Your shirt should fit kind of tightly in a suit, so there’s no fabric bunching underneath and creating all sorts of odd folds/creases. And for God’s sake, get rid of that J Crew button down shirt under a suit. You’re not a computer programmer at a wedding.

Oh, and the tab collar... it went out of style around the same time they discontinued the Edsel. Unless you're Rumsfeld, you can't wear it. Oh, and don't overdo the white collar on patterned shirt look. Its really an older man's look. It can be done, but it will date you, and make you look a bit pompous. Anything Dominick Dunne fancies should be off limits unless you're looking for some geriatric tail.

Why?
 

It's not just the calories, but the effects of sugar on your metabolism, and where how it (sugar) is stored. Something to do with a glycemic index, blah, blah, blah. (I went to an endocrinologist -- and I'm nearly certain I've spelled that wrong.)

All I know is I couldn't do any exercise (well, very little) and I've lost 17 pounds. (I had been flirting with an all-time non-pregnancy high -- eek!!) The doctor's diet kicks ass (it kicked my ass right off - ha.)

Why?
 

Yes, but the guys at the Mens Wearhouse tell them that since this is a crappy cotton shirt, it's going to shrink 2 sizes when you wash it, so you better buy it big or choke yourself in a couple of weeks.

If you would just pay them more, they could go out and buy the Zegna and you wouldn't have to look at their pencil necks.

Why?
 

Thanks, and now this is stuck on brain rotation.

Now she’s gone
And I’m back on the beat
A stain on my notebook
Says nothing to me
Now she’s gone
And I’m out with a friend
With lips full of passion
And coffee in bed

World Record Set!!
 

You all know the maxim about conference calls: the length of a conference call is directly correlated to the number of people on the call (because every single dipshit has to put his $.01 in; the more people, the more dipshits).

Well, I am here to tell you that something extraordinary just happened:

I just got off a 10 minute conference call -- that 15 people were on! Does anyone know how to contact that Guiness World Record Book thing? I think I've got a new entry for them.

Doing Fringey's Job
 

Mmmmmmmm, tasty fat.

ETA: I was recently told that Splenda causes sofa king we todd dation. True? False? Disturbing news like this makes me glad that I'm already a fat retarded bastard who puts sugar in his coffee.

Why?
 

You are collar-obsessed. What is the one type of collar that you deem to be workplace appropriate? I can never remember.