Hi Guys.
 

Around here that's pretty much all it takes.

Hi Guys.
 

What kind of lube are we talking?

Hi Guys.
 

I do not disagree.

Hi Guys.
 

Nothing but your copious tears.

Hi Guys.
 

Cool. I like pain. It gets the adrenaline flowing.

Hi Guys.
 

That explains your work on Politics.

NWA
 

So on CNBC today, every time I look up there's a headline with "NWA" in big letters. It took me a while to realize they weren't talking about the music group. I wondered why it was suddenly so much in the news -- and on CNBC to boot!

NWA
 

I always get a kick out of the fact that www.nwa.com has nothing to do with the Cube, Dre, et al.

paparazzi
 

What is it about celebrities that make them want to run from the paparazzi? Scarlett Johanson got into a car accident while fleeing them recently.

Can someone tell me why it's such a big deal not to have your picture taken if you're a celebrity? Who fucking cares if some jackass takes your picture while you are driving from nowhwere special to nowhere important?

You're going to start a high speed chase because you aren't wearing makeup? That can't be it. Somebody help me out with this.

If I were a celebrity, I would let them take so many photos that they would get bored of it, they wouldn't be worth anything and they would quit on their own.*

TM

*Yeah, I know. This would happen after roughly 2 photos.

paparazzi
 

You answered your own question. They want total image control. Scarlett probably has herself in a lather because they caught her with a half centimeter whitehead sprouting from her forehead like a third eye.

Lohan started that high speed chase for the same reason Ray Liotta's character drove frantically around Queens near the end of Goodfellas. "Cociane's a helluva drug." That screwy twist probably reported seeing helicopters chasing her to the police.

... And somewhere, Nicole Ritchie was watching it all on live television, thinking "Fuuuuck, did I give that bitch the uncut shit? Fuck me!"

Hi Guys.
 

Sean Hannity + Jack Kerouac + [insert name of blabbering cousin who dresses like Britney and spews endlessly about her favorite mall]

<Sniff>
 

I'm back!!! Yay!

paparazzi
 

Far be it from me to defend the Hollywood elite, but apparently the paparazzi has decided that simply taking pictures is no longer enough, but that they need to *create* the picture too. Causing accidents, or boxing cars in, are apparently new strategies.

My kid showed me an example of this on E, I think. It was a videotape of a bunch of people following Drew Barrymore around the airport and bugging the shit out of her in the hopes of getting a picture and/or video of her cursing them out, so that Star or US Weekly could run a "Drew's Gone Wild!" story. Despicable.

Hi Guys.
 

Oh no you don't. You can't be gay and suddenly declare manliness. You're a fruitcake - stamped, labelled, branded, aged and certified fruitier than a blueberry tart.

paparazzi
 

Please respond with a story about a celebrity who did not fuck Tom Green.