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-   -   Making a buck cleaning Lester's spittle trays on Sequels' 22-year old supermodel abs (http://www.lawtalkers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=680)

Did you just call me Coltrane? 05-11-2005 03:03 PM
Porn Has Completely Destroyed Me
 
Have we seen this yet?

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/70028811.html

Flinty_McFlint 05-11-2005 03:08 PM
Porn Has Completely Destroyed Me
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Have we seen this yet?

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/70028811.html
Do you think I was too honest? It's just that I've been getting a lot of PM's lately, and I have to nip that in the bud.

str8outavannuys 05-11-2005 03:10 PM
In case y'all were wondering
 
Quote:
Originally posted by notcasesensitive
I take it he didn't win the playoff (I didn't watch it after their tee shots on the first playoff hole and have not been curious enough to find out who won it)? That ball in the water shot was idiotic.

What is the allure of that kind of sports bet? I admit to not doing much sports betting, but in the event I do bet on sports, I tend to go for the parlays. Odds aren't exciting enough to bet on one thing. It would be like playing one hand of Blackjack instead of sitting down and playing for a while. Or something. Why bet $83 to clear $100?
I thought it was a virtually risk-free way to make $119. In retrospect, I should have cashed out the bet just after Vijay bogeyed 15 and before Sergio had his 5 foot eagle putt on 15. (though I don't know if I would have made or lost money at that point).

Unreal.

Fortunately, I seem to be back in Party Poker's good graces. (KK held up in a big multi-way pot at a 30-60 table yesterday).

dtb 05-11-2005 03:13 PM
If Dan Savage says it, it must be true
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Sparklehorse
It's official -- oral sex is part of the vanilla repertoire. NotBob, please update your records accordingly.

Link
What's GGG?

Did you just call me Coltrane? 05-11-2005 03:13 PM
Porn Has Completely Destroyed Me
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint
Do you think I was too honest?
No, your sugarcoating was necessary.

dtb 05-11-2005 03:19 PM
Porn Has Completely Destroyed Me
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Have we seen this yet?

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/70028811.html
People, people -- can you at least repost the money sentences when you're talking about Craig's List? My firm's firewalls don't let me access that sort of filth.

(Strangely, it also restricts infirmation?!?)

sebastian_dangerfield 05-11-2005 03:19 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Pretty Little Flower
O.K., the more I think about it, the more I kind of like Guy A and Guy B and feel for their situation. So here is the polite thing to do so they can all move on. Guy B should wait for a social situation where most of the social group, including Guy A but exluding the chick, is gathered. Then, Guy B should wait a bit and, if things seem a bit awkward, he should pat Guy A on the shoulder and loudly announce, "Listen, I know it is a bit weird with me dating [the chick] and everything, but I could not help it. She is one horned up wildcat in bed, if you know what I mean, and I know you do. But, I have to say that she is so damn loose down there she is almost flapping. You must be hung like [some animal that has a massive cock]. Good work, my friend." That way, there is a public acknowledgement of the succesor-in-interest dating situation, but it is done in a way that Guy A gets to keep his ego intact and save face with the social group.
Ahhh, an approach I thought went out of fancy with Falco. I recall finding myself facing a set of brass knuckles the last time I used that.

Unfortunately, the first sucker punch (thankfully minus the brass knuckles) struck me square across the jaw. Only as I stood dazed and saw a man much larger than me begin to slide the set of metal knuckles across his neanderthal claw-digits did I realize that some folks don't like hearing about the lack of tautness in their SO's genitalia.

Where do you think I picked up the term "roast beef"?

When in doubt, always work inward. And never eat clams with the salad fork.

ETA: How Freudian. I'm like, channeling shit, unconsciously.

Did you just call me Coltrane? 05-11-2005 03:21 PM
Porn Has Completely Destroyed Me
 
Quote:
Originally posted by dtb
People, people -- can you at least repost the money sentences when you're talking about Craig's List? My firm's firewalls don't let me access that sort of filth.

(Strangely, it also restricts infirmation?!?)
There was a time - I'd say pre 1999 - when I would have tolerated a girl with an errant fat roll, a mildly problematic ass, or even non-porcelain veneered teeth. And come to think of it, I might have even green lighted a B cup chest.

But with the installation of the high speed cable modem, alas, I am sad to say that those times have now passed. I now only want - and will only solicit affection from - girls with killer porn star looks and behavior.

I am ashamed and I do not like what now stimulates me, but the Internet, with all of its quick fix, crack-like vices, has made me extraordinarily intolerant.

Are you a Tufts or Harvard grad and a great conversationalist?

Not important.

Do you have a quirky sense of humor and a knack for cooking Asian Fusion cuisine?

Don't care.

Would you like to discuss the sub-text meaning of the whip sawed brush strokes of that Kandinsky painting at the MFA?

Fuck off.

Be the source of a blood rush and make me throw a rod in my pants or kindly turn into anti-matter.

I am ruined. I am dead on the inside. I am ashamed and embarrassed of what now stimulates me and I know that I am irrevocably changed for the worse. For all practical purposes, Internet porn has destroyed me.

So who am I? Not who you'd think. Not the dandruff-haired blob of shit in the cube next to you. Not the UES Michigan frat boy. Not the faux disheveled Downtown hipster with the silly retro Puma sneakers.

Sadly, I am the "normal" one that you're actually interested in. Cultured, eloquent, well dressed. I am the one you discuss with your girlfriends over Sunday brunch. I am the one you hope to bump into at Karen's pajama themed apartment party. I am the one who takes the lead, holds doors, and hails cabs.

Shit.

Do you dream of a man who will "love you just for you?"

Do believe that you have peripheral, intangible qualities that men of substance will key upon and gravitate to?

Do you shun the gym in favor of The Apprentice and a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chunkey Monkey, thinking that your black cigarette pants will sufficiently mask any belly spillage or ass expansion?

Then forget it. It's game over. You're a walking, talking non-compete clause and you're going to end up alone with a slobbering oversized Rotweiller named Chuckles.

Pull your head out of your ass and be advised - porn viewing/obsession is spreading like the plague amongst my gender - upping the already unrealistic physical expectations, pushing boundaries in the bedroom (you're down with anal, right?), and providing instant, customize-able sexual highs with the push of a button.

If you're female and you don't posess prodigal, Einsteinian caliber intelligence that would propel the cause of humanity forward, and, if you don't relish the idea of being alone, then . . .

. . . throw every last dollar you have at your physical appearance.

I'm serious. Personal trainer. Porcelain veneers. High-end boob job. Get scared and get it done.

Do not extend my gender any credit. Do not hope that a guy will be in awe of your cello playing, your VP title, or your cute apartment.

I promise you he won't care. Don't kid yourself into thinking he will. Men are programmed to respond to the visual.

Look good or you're alone.

str8outavannuys 05-11-2005 03:24 PM
If Dan Savage says it, it must be true
 
Quote:
Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Would it be bad form to quote Dan Savage in my Petition for Dissolution of Marriage?
He wouldn't let you blow him? I nominate him for the cover of this month's "Bad Judgment Magazine"

sebastian_dangerfield 05-11-2005 03:29 PM
It takes dynamite to get me up
 
Quote:
Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
The problem with getting a lot of good sex is that all of a sudden the weirdest things seem really hot.
You always need the Weird. It makes the good better and the bad palatable.

Once you've fucked anything a hundred times, you have to get into "the weird." I'm practically at the point where I have to paint faces on my hand like Senor Wences to masturbate.

Flinty_McFlint 05-11-2005 03:30 PM
It takes dynamite to get me up
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
You always need the Weird. It makes the good better and the bad palatable.

Once you've fucked anything a hundred times, you have to get into "the weird." I'm practically at the point where I have to paint faces on my hand like Senor Wences to masturbate.
You paint male faces on your hand to masturbate? Hmmm. Pink pants?

robustpuppy 05-11-2005 03:32 PM
Porn Has Completely Destroyed Me
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
So who am I? Not who you'd think. Not the dandruff-haired blob of shit in the cube next to you. Not the UES Michigan frat boy. Not the faux disheveled Downtown hipster with the silly retro Puma sneakers.
Dammit, it's times like these I wish I were better at busting socks.

Did you just call me Coltrane? 05-11-2005 03:34 PM
Porn Has Completely Destroyed Me
 
Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
Dammit, it's times like these I wish I were better at busting socks.
Shouldn't you be at the gym?

robustpuppy 05-11-2005 03:46 PM
Porn Has Completely Destroyed Me
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Shouldn't you be at the gym?
What, no preggo fetish?

ABBAKiss 05-11-2005 03:54 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
Questions:
All is fair in love and war. Guy A needs to suck it up.

ABBAKiss 05-11-2005 03:54 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Guy A needs to get over it. If he didn't want other people to date her, he shouldn't have broken up. Guy B has nothing to apologize for. The same rules apply as for discarded property.
I see I should have STP. Sorry. I am drunk.

Did you just call me Coltrane? 05-11-2005 03:55 PM
Porn Has Completely Destroyed Me
 
Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
What, no preggo fetish?
Well, I am a Penske sock...

barely_legal 05-11-2005 03:55 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ABBAKiss
All is fair in love and war. Guy A needs to suck it up.
You're the one who fucked your sorority sisters' boyfriends, right?

taxwonk 05-11-2005 03:56 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
It makes me sad that Mark Twain killed the board.

In an effort to make up for it, a scenario:

Couple in social group breaks up in mid-March. He (Guy A) is one of the primary centers of the group (has the big parties, knows everyone, organizes events). She's a pretty amazing woman. Gorgeous, smart, has a pretty successful business. Due to overlapping friends, major efforts have been made to keep hostilities to a minimum. He encourages everyone to stay friends with her and vice versa. I love them independently of each other and think it was probably a good idea for them to break up given their personality quirks (i.e. he flirts with everything that walks, and she has inexplicable insecurities).

Two weeks ago a guy (Guy B) in the group asks her out. She says yes and they've been dating since then. I saw them together at a party on Friday, though I thought they were there as friends, because frankly, I think he's way out of her league. Saturday, Guy B tells Guy A that he's dating ex. Doesn't exactly go over well.

Guy B was brought into the group by the Guy A. Invited to a lot of parties, introduced to a lot of people, etc. Guy A has gone through a lot of shit in the last six months, including the death of a parent, another close family death, and breakup of longstanding relationship. Guy B knew all about this, and in fact got drunk with Guy A the night of a particularly painful funeral.

The rumor mills have been flying, and Guy B has declined a lot of lot of party invitations in the last two days (including my birthday party).

Questions:

1.) Should Guy B have made a move on Guy A's ex? Should he have waited longer?

2.) Should Guy B have told Guy A about the move on his ex earlier? (Note: Guy A was in Mexico the first week that they were dating.)

3.) Should Guy B expect to be cut out of Guy A's life (and possibly social circle) because of moving in on Guy A's ex?

4.) Should Guy B have apologized to Guy A about his actions?
With all due respect, RT, what is this, high school? Guy A and woman are no longer dating. Therefore, what reason would he have for interfering in any way with Guy B? Are they roommates? Lovers? Did they have a pact, Jerry?!?

Oliver_Wendell_Ramone 05-11-2005 03:57 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ABBAKiss
All is fair in love and war. Guy A needs to suck it up.
So you're suggesting a MMF with Guy B and Girl?

Pretty Little Flower 05-11-2005 03:57 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by barely_legal
You're the one who fucked your sorority sisters' boyfriends, right?
No, that was me.

bold_n_brazen 05-11-2005 03:58 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by barely_legal
You're the one who fucked your sorority sisters' boyfriends, right?
You're the only one who didn't.

Shape Shifter 05-11-2005 03:59 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Pretty Little Flower
No, that was me.
With your withered anaconda?

Replaced_Texan 05-11-2005 04:00 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ABBAKiss
All is fair in love and war. Guy A needs to suck it up.
I agree with pretty much everything everyone has said, though I got the Guy A version of events last night and he's pretty pissed off. He got a "I'm sorry and I won't tell her all the stuff you've told me in the last couple of months" email Monday from Guy B, which didn't help his mood on the matter.

I think Guy B, though, should accept that if he's dating her, his social life is going to change considerably. She's probably worth it, but he did make a major sacrifice in going after her.

ncs, they'd been dating two years.

PLF, Hank, Sebby, etc. disparaging her sexuality wouldn't work with this group. And everyone has seen everyone else naked. No secrets there.

PLF, you're welcome to come to my birthday party.

ABBAKiss 05-11-2005 04:01 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
Same reasons as you give, but I was taught it is impolite to speak of a ladie's private parts in public.
You can do this if you refer to them as "fancy places."

barely_legal 05-11-2005 04:02 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
You're the only one who didn't.
I'm so sorry, I know you're in hot competition with Abba for "Sluttiest Poster" and I didn't mean to sway the vote in Abba's favor. Maybe there can be two trophies.

And I was just kidding with Abba b/c I love her. You, I don't love so much. I'm sure that wounds you.

Pretty Little Flower 05-11-2005 04:06 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
PLF, you're welcome to come to my birthday party.
Sorry, but I have been declining a lot of lot of party invitations in the last two days, and it would look bad if I suddenly said yes to yours.

bold_n_brazen 05-11-2005 04:07 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by barely_legal
I'm so sorry, I know you're in hot competition with Abba for "Sluttiest Poster" and I didn't mean to sway the vote in Abba's favor. Maybe there can be two trophies.

And I was just kidding with Abba b/c I love her. You, I don't love so much. I'm sure that wounds you.
Bitch, please. I was merely pointing out the doing horrible things to your best friends like sleeping with their boyfriends or circling their fat with a Sharpie is pretty much an integral part of the sorority experience.

I can't imagine why you wouldn't love me. I'm very loveable.

robustpuppy 05-11-2005 04:07 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by barely_legal
I'm so sorry, I know you're in hot competition with Abba for "Sluttiest Poster" and I didn't mean to sway the vote in Abba's favor. Maybe there can be two trophies.

And I was just kidding with Abba b/c I love her. You, I don't love so much. I'm sure that wounds you.
Sorry to timmy, but it's "Most Slutiest." Slutiest is the Canadian pronunciation of "sluttiest," which might tip the scales in favor of gwnc unless ABBA is from WisCAHNsin.

robustpuppy 05-11-2005 04:09 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Bitch, please. I was merely pointing out the doing horrible things to your best friends like sleeping with their boyfriends or circling their fat with a Sharpie is pretty much an integral part of the sorority experience.

I can't imagine why you wouldn't love me. I'm very loveable.
I read this article somewhere online the other day that said girls learn mean behavior, such as exclusion and ridicule, by the age of 3. Apparently they are very attuned to adults' methods of attaining social status.

How old is the brazenette now?

Replaced_Texan 05-11-2005 04:10 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by taxwonk
With all due respect, RT, what is this, high school? Guy A and woman are no longer dating. Therefore, what reason would he have for interfering in any way with Guy B? Are they roommates? Lovers? Did they have a pact, Jerry?!?
No, but I can sorta understand the sense of betrayal Guy A was crying in his beer with Guy B after a painful funeral one day, and a week later Guy B starts fucking his ex.

And I've been out of highschool for years now. People really haven't changed all that much when it comes to relationships.

bold_n_brazen 05-11-2005 04:11 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
I read this article somewhere online the other day that said girls learn mean behavior, such as exclusion and ridicule, by the age of 3. Apparently they are very attuned to adults' methods of attaining social status.

How old is the brazenette now?
The brazenette is 2. And she's much sluttier than your stupid fetus.

eta that I am kidding, of course. The brazenette isn't slutty at all. Which isn't to say that your fetus is either.

barely_legal 05-11-2005 04:12 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Bitch, please. I was merely pointing out the doing horrible things to your best friends like sleeping with their boyfriends or circling their fat with a Sharpie is pretty much an integral part of the sorority experience.

I can't imagine why you wouldn't love me. I'm very loveable.
"Bitch please" is so ABBA-esqe circa 2003. But I like the way you flavored it up with the comma. Maybe this will be a tight race after all! Well, not "tight" in the genital sense, but a close race at least..

Did you just call me Coltrane? 05-11-2005 04:20 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by barely_legal
"Bitch please" is so ABBA-esqe circa 2003. But I like the way you flavored it up with the comma. Maybe this will be a tight race after all! Well, not "tight" in the genital sense, but a close race at least..
Oh no. Not another "my vagina is tighter than your vagina" flame war.

taxwonk 05-11-2005 04:21 PM
Porn Has Completely Destroyed Me
 
Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
What, no preggo fetish?
Ahem..... That would be me.

Shape Shifter 05-11-2005 04:22 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Oh no. Not another "my vagina is tighter than your vagina" flame war.
Between that and the "Slutiest Fetus" contest, I think this may be one of the most disturbing sites on the internet.

robustpuppy 05-11-2005 04:23 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Oh no. Not another "my vagina is tighter than your vagina" flame war.
C-section it is.

Replaced_Texan 05-11-2005 04:26 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
C-section it is.
Whoa. And I was just gonna up the Kegel reps.

Replaced_Texan 05-11-2005 04:27 PM
Porn Has Completely Destroyed Me
 
Quote:
Originally posted by taxwonk
Ahem..... That would be me.
I'm probably going to regret asking, but just how many fetishes do you have?

taxwonk 05-11-2005 04:27 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
No, but I can sorta understand the sense of betrayal Guy A was crying in his beer with Guy B after a painful funeral one day, and a week later Guy B starts fucking his ex.

And I've been out of highschool for years now. People really haven't changed all that much when it comes to relationships.
That's why I'm glad I'm married. I get to just fuck around without all that relationship crap.


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