Fats
 

Shit, every damn ball game I went to this year, my seat was next to someone who weighed at least 4 bills.

I tell you what, though: I am gonna go to that next convention at the Newark Marriot, get a cart, load it with about 40 boxes of Krispy Kremes and stand outside come lunch time charging $3 a donut.http://www.krispykreme.com/images/caramelkremesmall.jpg

Fats and Public Transportation
 

I ride a train a lot and notice some very strange behavior pattersn:

1. The Bigot - This is the secretary with bad hair who agonized over whether to sit next to the Indian guy on the train yesterday, fucking up my ability to do so. I didn't like waiting behind you for the obvious open seat while you waited to grab the seat directly across from the guy next to the smiling blonde girl. Since I'm writing this, I guess your suspicioan that he may have been a Hindu terrorist was unfounded, but your vigilance ia appreciated. Keep an eye on those Sikhs. They carry knives, like your cousin who was stationed off India once told you...

2. The Guy on the Phone - I use the phone on the train, but only when I'm lucky enough to get the bulkhead space in the middle of the car which is walled off (the best seat in the train). Don't sit next to me and discuss dinner and work with your wife.

3. PC Guy - Get over yourself, Poindexter - Your brief isn't that important that you need to get out the PC on the 35 minute ride. Print out the cases you need to read before you leave the office and attempt to read them on the train, like the partners do.

4. Younger single attractive people - While you're agonizing over whether you can sit next to the hot, probably single guy/girl with the open seat, I'm stuck behind you watching the seats in front of you fill up from passengers getting on from the other side. Just sit down already - he/she isn't going to turn to you and say "Hey, loads of sexual tension, huh" or "Just so you know, you don't stand a chance" if you sit next to him/her. Who knows... maybe you'll get lucky.

Fats
 

You'll do better with pizza. Low carb. If it's a convention, the large want to give the illusion that they're at least "trying" to watch their weight. So selling low carb pizza (they can take their own crust off, but I doubt they will) will make you the cash.

Fats
 

Meal is something you feed domestic animals. Or something you hear that creepy guy in the Jimmy Dean sausages commercials say ("Sausage is best at any meal time"). It gives me pictures of farm folk grasping their paunches and exclaiming "Thet was some meal, Bessie."

I'd have used "Ask for a pillow when dinner/lunch/breakfast is served."

"The fingers you have used to dial this number are too fat."

Fats
 

Doubt it. Anyone who attends that convention has given up. I'd go with Krispy Kremes and bacon, though I would offer a non-pork breakfast meat option so as to accomodate Jewish and Muslim Fats.

Fats
 

Back to planes, does anyone use those neck pillows on long flights? I can never sleep on planes.

Sebby, are you the guy who gets angry when the handicapped person gets on the bus? The buses in Chicago lower and then extend a platform to board the wheelchair-bound person, and then three bus seats are folded up (usually causing three people to get up) so the chair can latch onto a handicapped-specific area. The process usually takes about three minutes. And it pisses my friend off to no end b/c it takes so goddamn long and b/c "wheelchair-bound people already have wheels". He is a Republican.

Fats
 

What is his ethnicity? Should we know that too, in addition to his political affiliation?

Fats
 

So when you make a reservation, you want it to say "No breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack is served on this flight"? That's just fucked up, sebby.

As penance, you are sentenced to pity-fuck a fat chick.

Fats
 

That part was a joke. Well, it's fact, but it was meant as a joke.

Fats
 

Speaking of, I caught part of the Ali G show last night. Borat leading the patrons of a Phoenix C&W bar in a rousing singalong version of "Throw The Jew Down The Well" was one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time.

Fats
 

How about BLT Krispy Kremes, replacing the mayo with that sweet cream.

{sic}
 

http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com...ll_xkoe110.jpg

http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/us/nws/p/ap120.gif

Wed Aug 4, 5:12 PM ET

Team USA's Allen Iverson (news) is mobbed byhis teammates after making the game-winning shit in their 80-77 win over Germany in an exhibition match oin Cologne, western Germany, Wednesday Aug. 4, 2004.(AP Photo/Hermann J. Knippertz)

Link, until they fix it.

Fats
 

Funny the idiot dittohead social darwinist republicans seem to tacitly advocate this "survival-of-the-fittest-let-the-handicapped-die" gospel. However, they suddently become uncomfortable when I point out that I can kick Rush Limbaugh's fat ass and take his fucking money AND dope.

Fats
 

I tried one for sleeping on an international flight. I found it to be of little benefit. Others in my family, though, raved about them, so it must be my melon head that caused the problem.

Fats
 

The only way I can sleep is if I get a bed (i.e. fly BA business/first class). If you get a bed, it's awesome. You will sleep. No way I can sleep in regular seat.