Note to Ty
 

OK, OK, sorry. I need to find a virtual warehouse for my correspondence over the years with Hank. Everything else can go, but I cherish those PMs particularly.

France Bashers, Take Note:
 

NY Magazine is nothing more than Time Out: New York with glossy photos of Hamptons fetes that none of us were invited.

Mad Magazine is probably as worthy a source.

So it turns out that most abstinence programs (11 of 13 surveyed) lie to kids about sex. Oh the humanity!

And then there's this stuff:

• Some course materials cited in Waxman's report present as scientific fact notions about a man's need for "admiration" and "sexual fulfillment" compared with a woman's need for "financial support." One book in the "Choosing Best" series tells the story of a knight who married a village maiden instead of the princess because the princess offered so many tips on slaying the local dragon. "Moral of the story," notes the popular text: "Occasional suggestions and assistance may be alright, but too much of it will lessen a man's confidence or even turn him away from his princess."

Oy.

France Bashers, Take Note:
 

I warned you not to blow your whole Christmas bonus on crack.

dtb- take note.

Note to Ty
 

I have most of them. My secretary has the one where you recommended your cure for anal warts. Talk about a silver bullet. 2 days later she could sit down like normal.

Is that a turn-off for you? Because I've really been thinking that your posting style could use some improvements. Specifically, I think you should run draft posts through a grammar and spelling check before you actually post them. In addition, keeping an archive of your posts from the PB so that you can ensure consistency would be avisable. Adviseable. Whichever.

Also, you should dye that grey/white streak in your beard to match the rest of the beard, and wash the hair under your hat more frequently. In conjunction with that, you should get the hat cleaned so that you avoid transferring all the old grease and dirt to your freshly cleaned hair.

I'll have some more stuff later, but that should give you something to start with.

Warm and Fuzzy Holiday Moment #1
 

During this Holiday season, I find it appropriate to share stories of warm family moments throughout the world.

Here is the first:

http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com...nit_vah103.jpg

An Iranian man, prepares his daughter, who is a member of a suicide commandos unit, by covering her face in the same style of Palestinian and Lebanese militants, during a ceremony where the first suicide commandos unit was inaugurated at the Behesht-e-Zahra cemetery just outside Tehran, Iran, Thursday, Dec. 2, 2004. Some 200 masked young men and women gathered at the cemetery Thursday to pledge their willingness to carry out suicide bomb attacks against Americans in Iraq and Israelis.

Warm and Fuzzy Holiday Moment #1
 

If I was in Iraq I'd want to be stationed near the water. They won't let girls swim, so my gang would be safe from the like's of her.

France Bashers, Take Note:
 

Yes, and they never feature the brilliant analysis of Pat Sajek, either. How good could they be?

Huh? Why me? Was I not helpful with the floor-covering recommendation?

Pout.

France Bashers, Take Note:
 

What? Do Michael Moore and Susan Sarandon have more advanced degrees than Pat?

Warm and Fuzzy Holiday Moment #1
 

OK, I tried to be all submissive and shit, but, eh -- it's just not my way.

like's, Hank? Come on.

France Bashers, Take Note:
 

What? Have I ever posted an article by Michael Moore or Susan Sarandon?

France Bashers, Take Note:
 

You spell worse than Club.