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-   -   Making a buck cleaning Lester's spittle trays on Sequels' 22-year old supermodel abs (http://www.lawtalkers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=680)

futbol fan 05-13-2005 11:33 AM
I hurt my mom's feelings
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Yet. I assume he's yet to see a mirror.

TM
Probably not. Remember how everyone used to say: "If I had a dog with a face like your momma's, I would shave its ass and make it walk backwards"?

Replaced_Texan 05-13-2005 11:51 AM
Friday brain cancer good news
 
is much better than Tuesday brain cancer news.

Removal of fluid moved the tumor a bit, and it may actually be operable.

Additionally, it's a level three, not a level four. Which means that the prognosis is two or thee years instead of six to nine months. Should it not be operable.

She finds out today if it's operable.

Alex_de_Large 05-13-2005 11:56 AM
Friday brain cancer good news
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
is much better than Tuesday brain cancer news.

Removal of fluid moved the tumor a bit, and it may actually be operable.

Additionally, it's a level three, not a level four. Which means that the prognosis is two or thee years instead of six to nine months. Should it not be operable.

She finds out today if it's operable.
That's terrific news, RT.

futbol fan 05-13-2005 12:10 PM
It's the New Von Dutch
 
I am not sure it comes in a size large enough to fit someone who is 6'11" on the internet, but everything else about
this dandy little number says "flower, flower, flower!!!"

Did you just call me Coltrane? 05-13-2005 12:14 PM
Friday brain cancer good news
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
is much better than Tuesday brain cancer news.

Removal of fluid moved the tumor a bit, and it may actually be operable.

Additionally, it's a level three, not a level four. Which means that the prognosis is two or thee years instead of six to nine months. Should it not be operable.

She finds out today if it's operable.
Very good news.

Shape Shifter 05-13-2005 12:18 PM
Happy Ending
 
I'm in the wrong line of work.

"Police said undercover officers successfully made numerous prostitution transactions inside each of the spas during the six-month investigation."

http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/front/3180243

taxwonk 05-13-2005 12:33 PM
More fun word facts
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Shape Shifter
Except for AERIOUS, ABSTEINOUS, ABSTENIOUS, ABSTENTIOUS, ACERIFLORUM, ACERIFLORUS, ACHEILOUS, ACHEIROUS, ACLEISTOUS, ADECTICOUS, ADVENTIOUS, AFFECTIOUS, ALEIKOUM, ALPESTRIOUS, ANEMIOUS, ANNELIDOUS, ARSENIOUS, ARTERIOSUM, ARTERIOSUS, ARTERIOUS, AVENIOUS, BACTERIOUS, CAESIOUS, CAMELIOUS, CARNELIOUS, FACETIOUS, FRACEDINOUS, GAREISOUN, GRAVEDINOUS, MAJESTIOUS, MATERIOUS, PARECIOUS, PLACENTIOUS, TRAGEDIOUS, and PHRAGELLIORHYNCHUS, just off the top of my head.
Good Lord, man, you must really be bored.

Replaced_Texan 05-13-2005 12:49 PM
So Guy A saw Guy B last night and nearly beat the shit out of him.

Here's hoping that's the end of that.

Gattigap 05-13-2005 12:52 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
So Guy A saw Guy B last night and nearly beat the shit out of him.

Here's hoping that's the end of that.
Sounds like that'll hardly be the case.

Mmmm, Burger (C.J.) 05-13-2005 12:53 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Gattigap
Sounds like that'll hardly be the case.
What are the gun laws like in Texas?

This is kind of cool. I'm waiting for A or B to piss on the hottie to mark his turf.

taxwonk 05-13-2005 12:54 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
So Guy A saw Guy B last night and nearly beat the shit out of him.

Here's hoping that's the end of that.
It's so nice that people can be adult about these things.

Shape Shifter 05-13-2005 01:01 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
So Guy A saw Guy B last night and nearly beat the shit out of him.

Here's hoping that's the end of that.
If Guy A fought Guy B and won, would he win back Slot C?

Replaced_Texan 05-13-2005 01:03 PM
Are we missing anyone today? (spree: newspaper article)

ThurgreedMarshall 05-13-2005 01:05 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
What are the gun laws like in Texas?

This is kind of cool. I'm waiting for A or B to piss on the hottie to mark his turf.
If anyone is going to be doing any pissing down there, it's going to be RT's sister.

TM

Pretty Little Flower 05-13-2005 01:05 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
What are the gun laws like in Texas?

This is kind of cool. I'm waiting for A or B to piss on the hottie to mark his turf.
Piss on her? Is the hottie RT's sister?

Gattigap 05-13-2005 01:05 PM
Arrested Development
 
Looks like Arrested Development is back. For two seasons, even.

sebastian_dangerfield 05-13-2005 01:15 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by paigowprincess
I'm sorry. You are right. The image of you drooling all over the swollen glands and belly of a big preggo, making moaning animal noises, is a titilating one then. .Right everybody?
I'm fucking glad I wasn't here yesterday. Preggo fetishes might be the foulest of the foul.

Here is wisdom:

1. When he tells you you look more beautiful than ever when knocked up, he's lying. You know that, right?

2. Unless your husband is truly twisted, he's not "more" into you when you're knocked up. It ain't an attractive state, huge tits or no huge tits.

3. Lactation is cool, but I'm not sure its a sexual turn-on. I think its more cool in a "wow, how bout that? She's dispensing something drinkable... neat..." way. Am I going to taste it? Yeh, but like wine. I'll probably have to spit. I saw a cat swig from a bottle of it in law school, and he almost threw it up. Said it was chunky. I enjoy the soy shake and the fruit shake with the occasional cunk or two of sugary fruit matter in it, but I don't think I'd prefer my breast milk that way.

But who knows... I said the same thing about chunky Jif a few years back.

Did you just call me Coltrane? 05-13-2005 01:19 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield


But who knows... I said the same thing about chunky Jif a few years back.
Chunky JIF is the shit. Do not fuck with it.

Creamy peanut butter is for pussies.

Replaced_Texan 05-13-2005 01:20 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I'm fucking glad I wasn't here yesterday. Preggo fetishes might be the foulest of the foul.

Here is wisdom:

1. When he tells you you look more beautiful than ever when knocked up, he's lying. You know that, right?

2. Unless your husband is truly twisted, he's not "more" into you when you're knocked up. It ain't an attractive state, huge tits or no huge tits.

3. Lactation is cool, but I'm not sure its a sexual turn-on. I think its more cool in a "wow, how bout that? She's dispensing something drinkable... neat..." way. Am I going to taste it? Yeh, but like wine. I'll probably have to spit. I saw a cat swig from a bottle of it in law school, and he almost threw it up. Said it was chunky. I enjoy the soy shake and the fruit shake with the occasional cunk or two of sugary fruit matter in it, but I don't think I'd prefer my breast milk that way.

But who knows... I said the same thing about chunky Jif a few years back.
So you're gonna go without sex for nine months if she gets knocked up? Wow.

Shape Shifter 05-13-2005 01:25 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
So you're gonna go without sex for nine months if she gets knocked up? Wow.
I suggest he read this article on Finishing Your Hand Puppet before any little sebbys go into production.

Mmmm, Burger (C.J.) 05-13-2005 01:26 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
So you're gonna go without sex for nine months if she gets knocked up? Wow.
Surely there's a local most slutiest he could turn to.

robustpuppy 05-13-2005 01:29 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I'm fucking glad I wasn't here yesterday. Preggo fetishes might be the foulest of the foul.

Here is wisdom:

1. When he tells you you look more beautiful than ever when knocked up, he's lying. You know that, right?

2. Unless your husband is truly twisted, he's not "more" into you when you're knocked up. It ain't an attractive state, huge tits or no huge tits.

3. Lactation is cool, but I'm not sure its a sexual turn-on. I think its more cool in a "wow, how bout that? She's dispensing something drinkable... neat..." way. Am I going to taste it? Yeh, but like wine. I'll probably have to spit. I saw a cat swig from a bottle of it in law school, and he almost threw it up. Said it was chunky. I enjoy the soy shake and the fruit shake with the occasional cunk or two of sugary fruit matter in it, but I don't think I'd prefer my breast milk that way.

But who knows... I said the same thing about chunky Jif a few years back.
My crush is SO over. :sobbing:

robustpuppy 05-13-2005 01:30 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Chunky JIF is the shit. Do not fuck with it.

Creamy peanut butter is for pussies.
WTF is wrong with you? JIF is for pussies. Skippy SuperChunk, skippy.

Did you just call me Coltrane? 05-13-2005 01:31 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
WTF is wrong with you? JIF is for pussies. Skippy SuperChunk, skippy.
NO FUCKING WAY.

I still like your TITS, though, regardless of what Sebby thinks.

taxwonk 05-13-2005 01:32 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I'm fucking glad I wasn't here yesterday. Preggo fetishes might be the foulest of the foul.

Here is wisdom:

1. When he tells you you look more beautiful than ever when knocked up, he's lying. You know that, right?

2. Unless your husband is truly twisted, he's not "more" into you when you're knocked up. It ain't an attractive state, huge tits or no huge tits.

3. Lactation is cool, but I'm not sure its a sexual turn-on. I think its more cool in a "wow, how bout that? She's dispensing something drinkable... neat..." way. Am I going to taste it? Yeh, but like wine. I'll probably have to spit. I saw a cat swig from a bottle of it in law school, and he almost threw it up. Said it was chunky. I enjoy the soy shake and the fruit shake with the occasional cunk or two of sugary fruit matter in it, but I don't think I'd prefer my breast milk that way.

But who knows... I said the same thing about chunky Jif a few years back.
I would have thought my subsequent posts made it obvious that I was joking about the preggo fetish, but apparently reading comprehension on the FB is at an all-time low. Therefore, in the interests of full disclosure:

1. I do not have a preggo fetish.

2. I don't have any fetishes whatsoever.

3. I find breasts, legs, asses, necks, eyes, faces, hair, lips, smiles, and a flair for dressing well to be things about a woman that can make her sexually appealling, in no particular order and with none of the above being a must-have or a deal-breaker.

4. I have tried many, many things sexually, some of which I talk openly about, some of which are none of your fucking business.

5. I have never licked an eyeball.

6. I'm pretty sure that if I ever have sex like burning, I'll go see a doctor about it.

7. Paigow talks a good game, but she's really kind of repressed.

8. Same goes for Sebby.

9. For God's sake, MR, we have been referring to Coltrane's girlfriend as Sequels for almost as long as he's been posting.

10. I don't go commando, ever, because I don't want to get bit by the zipper. At least not ever again.

11. If I'm flirting with you, I'm probably just joking, but you can never be sure.

12. Fringey, you can be sure.

13. Thurgreed, so can you.

Shape Shifter 05-13-2005 01:33 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
WTF is wrong with you? JIF is for pussies. Skippy SuperChunk, skippy.
I working
But I'm not working for you
Slack Motherfucker

Shape Shifter 05-13-2005 01:34 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by taxwonk
I would have thought my subsequent posts made it obvious that I was joking about the preggo fetish, but apparently reading comprehension on the FB is at an all-time low. Therefore, in the interests of full disclosure:

1. I do not have a preggo fetish.

2. I don't have any fetishes whatsoever.

3. I find breasts, legs, asses, necks, eyes, faces, hair, lips, smiles, and a flair for dressing well to be things about a woman that can make her sexually appealling, in no particular order and with none of the above being a must-have or a deal-breaker.

4. I have tried many, many things sexually, some of which I talk openly about, some of which are none of your fucking business.

5. I have never licked an eyeball.

6. I'm pretty sure that if I ever have sex like burning, I'll go see a doctor about it.

7. Paigow talks a good game, but she's really kind of repressed.

8. Same goes for Sebby.

9. For God's sake, MR, we have been referring to Coltrane's girlfriend as Sequels for almost as long as he's been posting.

10. I don't go commando, ever, because I don't want to get bit by the zipper. At least not ever again.

11. If I'm flirting with you, I'm probably just joking, but you can never be sure.

12. Fringey, you can be sure.

13. Thurgreed, so can you.
Got it, Snowball.

spookyfish 05-13-2005 01:34 PM
Arrested Development
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Gattigap
Looks like Arrested Development is back. For two seasons, even.
Quote:
FROM THE ARTICLE
"At press time, I can tell you this is precisely where the show's fate stands. So, barring any last-minute switch-a-roonies or bad acts by Satan or Rupert Murdoch. . . "
Huh. I had no idea they were different entities.

ltl/fb 05-13-2005 01:46 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Creamy peanut butter is for pussies.
Me-ow.

ltl/fb 05-13-2005 01:49 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
So you're gonna go without sex for nine months if she gets knocked up? Wow.
I was going to suggest blow jobs with his eyes closed, but then I remembered he doesn't like oral.

I guess he'll be out-sourcing that function if they* get pregnant. But I think that they aren't planning on doing that, ever.

*used this term deliberately to be annoying.

Greedy,Greedy,Greedy 05-13-2005 01:49 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by taxwonk
I would have thought my subsequent posts made it obvious that I was joking about the preggo fetish, but apparently reading comprehension on the FB is at an all-time low. Therefore, in the interests of full disclosure:

1. I do not have a preggo fetish.

2. I don't have any fetishes whatsoever.

3. I find breasts, legs, asses, necks, eyes, faces, hair, lips, smiles, and a flair for dressing well to be things about a woman that can make her sexually appealling, in no particular order and with none of the above being a must-have or a deal-breaker.

4. I have tried many, many things sexually, some of which I talk openly about, some of which are none of your fucking business.

5. I have never licked an eyeball.

6. I'm pretty sure that if I ever have sex like burning, I'll go see a doctor about it.

7. Paigow talks a good game, but she's really kind of repressed.

8. Same goes for Sebby.

9. For God's sake, MR, we have been referring to Coltrane's girlfriend as Sequels for almost as long as he's been posting.

10. I don't go commando, ever, because I don't want to get bit by the zipper. At least not ever again.

11. If I'm flirting with you, I'm probably just joking, but you can never be sure.

12. Fringey, you can be sure.

13. Thurgreed, so can you.
Yay! A survey.

1. Preggo fetish here, I admit it.

2. Exactly. No fetishes at all, other than all of them. Well, maybe not the lactation thing.

3. Are avacados vegetables?

4. Avacados are NOT vegetables.

5. I have never licked an eyeball, and never will.

6 - 9 . No shit.

10. Be careful, man. You can celebrate Commando Friday even on the 13th.

11. - 13. Can we just add these to the terms of service here?

sebastian_dangerfield 05-13-2005 01:54 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
My crush is SO over. :sobbing:
Is this what my wife means when she says "I didn't ask for an HONEST ANSWER, I wanted you to say (insert white lie which would make her feel better)?"

I'm realizing more and more that I live in a far too literal world. If I ask my wife if my new haircut looks good, I expect her to honestly reply. Where else will I get solid criticism, except here maybe...

ThurgreedMarshall 05-13-2005 01:59 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I'm realizing more and more that I live in a far too literal world.
Nope. That ain't it.

TM

Hank Chinaski 05-13-2005 01:59 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I enjoy the soy shake.
http://planetpreterist.com/modules.p...print&sid=2415

  • We're convinced that if we have children, we're going to do everything in our power to make them gay. Like maybe drinking a lot of extra soy milk while she's pregnant

ltl/fb 05-13-2005 02:01 PM
Joys of Pregnancy
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
Fundamental misunderstanding of the joys of preggo sex.

It's all about the hormones. If the woman's hormones react well, she becomes twice the tiger she used to be. Preggo sex fixations in men are reactions to hormonal surges in women, not a desire to chase a big belly.

But, different women react differently when pregnant. Obviously, Wonk's wife reacts positively to those hormones.

It's not necessarily about the visuals, though that glow can be a definite turn-on, too.
Or it can be, possibly maybe not in your case, that the guy is so turned on by the thought of his virility that he wants to fuck the preggo. Per a former coworker whose husband wanted to fuck her all the time when she was pregnant, and she hated it, plus an interpretation of the jackass husband's overall personality.

sebastian_dangerfield 05-13-2005 02:01 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Mmmm, Burger (C.J.)
Surely there's a local most slutiest he could turn to.
I'm easing her into swinging.

If that fails, I'm thinking I may take up masturbating in my truck to Villanova students in "Juicy" sweatsuits at the train station.

greatwhitenorthchick 05-13-2005 02:02 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Is this what my wife means when she says "I didn't ask for an HONEST ANSWER, I wanted you to say (insert white lie which would make her feel better)?"
Sebastian, it may shock you to know that there are actually men out there with different taste than yours, and they don't say things to pregnant women just to make them feel better.

An example - something other than pregnancy: I have very short hair. Some men love long hair and would only tell me they like my hair because they think it is a nice thing to do. However, there are men out there who love short hair - there are actually men who have a real thing for it, maybe not a fetish, but it is a turn-on for them. (maybe they dig the androgyny - I have no idea). Other men hate it. Different strokes.

Greedy,Greedy,Greedy 05-13-2005 02:05 PM
Joys of Pregnancy
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ltl/fb
Or it can be, possibly maybe not in your case, that the guy is so turned on by the thought of his virility that he wants to fuck the preggo. Per a former coworker whose husband wanted to fuck her all the time when she was pregnant, and she hated it, plus an interpretation of the jackass husband's overall personality.
Isn't the more virile thing to do to go impregnate other women?

But, yeh, there may be other, less healthy preggo fixations than my own.

sebastian_dangerfield 05-13-2005 02:07 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
http://planetpreterist.com/modules.p...print&sid=2415

  • We're convinced that if we have children, we're going to do everything in our power to make them gay. Like maybe drinking a lot of extra soy milk while she's pregnant
If I had a gay daughter, I wouldn't mind, so long as she was an attractive lipstick lesbian. If I got Melissa Etheridge or Mary Cheney, I'd be fucking pissed. I do not want to realize at Xmas dinner that my little girl and I have the same haircut.

If I had a gay son, I'd prefer he be utterly flaming. If you're going to do something, don't half ass it. I'd hate to have one of those normal gay sons (like the hair guy in Queer Eye) who'd seem so straight that I'd perpetually be asking him "You sure you don't dig chicks?" after my fourth vodka.

Hank Chinaski 05-13-2005 02:10 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
If I had a gay daughter, I wouldn't mind, so long as she was an attractive lipstick lesbian. If I got Melissa Etheridge or Mary Cheney, I'd be fucking pissed. I do not want to realize at Xmas dinner that my little girl and I have the same haircut.

If I had a gay son, I'd prefer he be utterly flaming. If you're going to do something, don't half ass it. I'd hate to have one of those normal gay sons (like the hair guy in Queer Eye) who'd seem so straight that I'd perpetually be asking him "You sure you don't dig chicks?" after my fourth vodka.
You're a girl pretending to be a guy?


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