Originally Posted by Did you just call me Coltrane? (Post 376535)

Sebby has time to IM dtb, but not to post here? What a dick. I hope I don't turn out like him.

Originally Posted by Tyrone Slothrop (Post 376547)

Why not give him a chance and see if he can act normal and you still like him?

Originally Posted by sunnybunny (Post 376544)

So, now that I'm boyfriendless (hi TM!), I need some advice, because I've forgotten how to do these things of properly using my feminine wiles and not revealing early on that I'm psycho. So, here's the question:

Bunny meets smoking hot guy who gets her all twitterpated in a way that is not normal, but I'm a little standoffish at first. Go on a couple dates and boy seems smitten (experience is that men fall in crush and out of crush faster than chicks) and then he has complete emotional break down and says he's not ready to date again-thought he was, but now is all anxious and stressed etc and needs to back off considerably but would like to keep talking etc etc...so I realize, once again that I'm a freak magnet. So, I've stayed in contact but he's been kinda doing just enough to stay in contact...I've been out of town a lot and we had made plans to take our dogs hiking next Saturday (not this) when I'm finally back in town on a weekend (been traveling on weekends for three weeks). So, here's the question. I've decided to leave him alone for a bit so that I'm not the one carrying the conversation....so, what to do about that Saturday? Do I contact him middle of next week to firm up plans or do I never contact him again and see if he tries to firm up the plans on his end. I'm really bad at being patient, but I think me being the initiator lately has not helped. Thoughts from my mean-spirited friends please.

Originally Posted by dtb (Post 376551)

Come on, man. That wasn't entertaining!

(though it was good advice)

As an expert in this field (HA!!), I would say, do nothing. If he's normal and interested, he'll get back to you in the customary amount of time in an ordinary way. If not, he won't, and no amount of forcing or machinations on your part are going to make a bit of long-term difference.

Originally Posted by sunnybunny (Post 376544)

So, now that I'm boyfriendless (hi TM!), I need some advice, because I've forgotten how to do these things of properly using my feminine wiles and not revealing early on that I'm psycho. So, here's the question:

Bunny meets smoking hot guy who gets her all twitterpated in a way that is not normal, but I'm a little standoffish at first. Go on a couple dates and boy seems smitten (experience is that men fall in crush and out of crush faster than chicks) and then he has complete emotional break down and says he's not ready to date again-thought he was, but now is all anxious and stressed etc and needs to back off considerably but would like to keep talking etc etc...so I realize, once again that I'm a freak magnet. So, I've stayed in contact but he's been kinda doing just enough to stay in contact...I've been out of town a lot and we had made plans to take our dogs hiking next Saturday (not this) when I'm finally back in town on a weekend (been traveling on weekends for three weeks). So, here's the question. I've decided to leave him alone for a bit so that I'm not the one carrying the conversation....so, what to do about that Saturday? Do I contact him middle of next week to firm up plans or do I never contact him again and see if he tries to firm up the plans on his end. I'm really bad at being patient, but I think me being the initiator lately has not helped. Thoughts from my mean-spirited friends please.

Originally Posted by thurgreedmarshall (Post 376552)

hi!

I need more facts. What does "so, i've stayed in contact but he's been kinda doing just enough to stay in contact..." mean? If he said he wants to keep talking but is only doing the bare minimum to keep in contact (like responding to you, you psycho), does that mean he's really truly interested? If you tell me he's responded to you every time you've attempted to stay in contact, i'd say write him off unless he gets over his can't-deal phase. If he's been initiating and it was his idea to go hiking, drop him a line next week that says, "we still on for dog walking/hiking on saturday? Let me know cause my dogs are barkin'." (actually, leave out that second sentence as it is exceedingly stupid.

I am a firm believer that the "i'm not ready for a relationship right now" is just another way of saying, "i'm not ready for a relationship with you ." because there isn't a person alive who drops that load of bullshit for (what they think is) the right person.

Tm

Originally Posted by ThurgreedMarshall (Post 376552)

Hi!


I am a firm believer that the "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" is just another way of saying, "I'm not ready for a relationship with you ." Because there isn't a person alive who drops that load of bullshit for (what they think is) the right person.

TM

Originally Posted by sunnybunny (Post 376553)

That's my thought exactly--at this point there is nothing you can do to make them want you, just make them NOT want you...my only concern is that the dog plans were something I suggested and he agreed to, so I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to follow up and suggest details or leave him be to see if he'll take the iniative himself. Manners would say it's my job to follow up, but my instinct is to leave it be and if he wants to do it, he'll follow up.

Originally Posted by ThurgreedMarshall (Post 376552)

Hi!

I need more facts. What does "So, I've stayed in contact but he's been kinda doing just enough to stay in contact..." mean? If he said he wants to keep talking but is only doing the bare minimum to keep in contact (like responding to you, you psycho), does that mean he's really truly interested? If you tell me he's responded to you every time you've attempted to stay in contact, I'd say write him off unless he gets over his can't-deal phase. If he's been initiating and it was his idea to go hiking, drop him a line next week that says, "We still on for dog walking/hiking on Saturday? Let me know cause my dogs are barkin'." (Actually, leave out that second sentence as it is exceedingly stupid.

I am a firm believer that the "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" is just another way of saying, "I'm not ready for a relationship with you ." Because there isn't a person alive who drops that load of bullshit for (what they think is) the right person.

TM

Originally Posted by sunnybunny (Post 376553)

That's my thought exactly--at this point there is nothing you can do to make them want you, just make them NOT want you...my only concern is that the dog plans were something I suggested and he agreed to, so I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to follow up and suggest details or leave him be to see if he'll take the iniative himself. Manners would say it's my job to follow up, but my instinct is to leave it be and if he wants to do it, he'll follow up.

Originally Posted by sunnybunny (Post 376561)

Probably a lost cause, but he's a smart, hot lost cause.

Originally Posted by sunnybunny (Post 376544)

So, now that I'm boyfriendless (hi TM!), I need some advice, because I've forgotten how to do these things of properly using my feminine wiles and not revealing early on that I'm psycho. So, here's the question:

Bunny meets smoking hot guy who gets her all twitterpated in a way that is not normal, but I'm a little standoffish at first. Go on a couple dates and boy seems smitten (experience is that men fall in crush and out of crush faster than chicks) and then he has complete emotional break down and says he's not ready to date again-thought he was, but now is all anxious and stressed etc and needs to back off considerably but would like to keep talking etc etc...so I realize, once again that I'm a freak magnet. So, I've stayed in contact but he's been kinda doing just enough to stay in contact...I've been out of town a lot and we had made plans to take our dogs hiking next Saturday (not this) when I'm finally back in town on a weekend (been traveling on weekends for three weeks). So, here's the question. I've decided to leave him alone for a bit so that I'm not the one carrying the conversation....so, what to do about that Saturday? Do I contact him middle of next week to firm up plans or do I never contact him again and see if he tries to firm up the plans on his end. I'm really bad at being patient, but I think me being the initiator lately has not helped. Thoughts from my mean-spirited friends please.

Originally Posted by cheval de frise (Post 376562)

If you like the guy, make an unequivocal move that signals you're still interested. It's painful to watch two basically passive-aggresive people each waiting for a clear signal from the other. You said he was into it at first, and you've been standoffish. He's probably reacting to that. He's backed off and is waiting for some signal from you that you're not just gonna string him along and hold him at arm's length indefinitely. (Ed: it's amazing to me that women want men to communicate, put their heart on their sleeve, etc., and then are willing to let the few guys who actually do that twist in the wind.)

Also, if you're working from a copy of that "Rules" book, for god's sake burn it and go with your gut.

Unsolicited (sort of) advice worth what you paid for it.

Good luck,

CDF

Originally Posted by cheval de frise (Post 376562)

(Ed: it's amazing to me that women want men to communicate, put their heart on their sleeve, etc., and then are willing to let the few guys who actually do that twist in the wind.)

Originally Posted by sunnybunny (Post 376565)

Ok, I maybe didn't sumarize that well. I was a little bit standoffish on our first couple of dates but communicative about it (just got out of LTR, give me a couple of dates to get in the swing of things again, unless you just want to be a piece of ass, in which case, fine)...then when he went all wackado on me i was like "look, i'm not in any rush and am happy to do friendly stuff and you either will or won't get your head straightened out--I'm in to you and know you're a good person whatever form it takes"--he's been very communicative, and I have too...I just feel like I should maybe give him space to get his head straightened out, but I want the boy in a baaad way and he knows it.