LawTalkers - [hi less!!!]Where Everyone Knows Penske's Socks Don't Suck[/hi less!!!]!!!

THE INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL TRIBUNAL
FOR THE FORMER GA REPUBLIC

THE PROSECUTOR OF THE TRIBUNAL
AGAINST
slave

INDICTMENT
The Prosecutor of the International Criminal Tribunal for the former GA Republic, pursuant to her authority under Article 18 of the Statute of the Tribunal, charges:

slave, aka 4thyearslave, aka 5thyearslave, aka 6thyearslave aka 7thyearslave, aka slave4ever, aka slavenomore, aka shaved&confused, aka slavedbythebell, aka Admin bin Laden, aka the Hairless Consig, etc.

with CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY and VIOLATIONS OF THE LAWS OR CUSTOMS OF WAR as set forth below:

BACKGROUND
1. Around September 1998, someone started up a club called Greedy Associates, and decided that it would be a place for law firm associates to exchange information about their respective firms. Associates at law firms around the country started reading the club and contributing. These associates all became known as "Greedy Associates," or "GAs" for short.

2. After the original Greedy Associates board had been spammed and turned into a virtual wasteland, the entire cast of characters that had originally populated it left for the greener pastures of the RealGAs board. Every so often, however, a GA would check back on the original board to see if it continued to be a moron-a-thon. DebtSlave, in lamenting the usefulness of the original Greedy Associate haven, coined the term, "Icky Board," due to the nature of the posts that were populating the board. Icky Board was later shortened to "IB," which some people interpret as "Idiot Board."

3. Well, the GAs found the truth in that old adage during their time at Yahoo! The RealGAs and various regional GA boards were often times unavailable for viewing, or would fail to display certain messages, or were just painfully slow in general. FindLaw’s Infirmation.com approached the GAs, and asked them if they would be willing to change hosts. The GAs explained that if would build a site that had better specs, a better "look and feel," and more reliability than did the original Yahoo! clubs, then they would be willing to move the boards over to their site. FindLaw’s Infirmation.com came through, offering spell check, search features, and far better reliability than the GAs had experienced in the last few months with Yahoo!, and the GAs relocated to FindLaw’s Infirmation.com’s greener pastures.

4. In the old Yahoo! clubs, people who either created a club or were granted those editorial powers were known as club "founders." RealGAs had 11 founders. Upon making the move to FindLaw, there were back room dealings among the founders (later to be known as “flounders”), replete with smoke, sex, hookers, booze, backstabbings, recriminations, and of course money. It was a sordid affair, a tale as old as time or bilmore, depending on your personal views of Creation.
5. For a time there was peace in the GA Republic, in the time of multo, Indentured Serpant, cosmogirl, plated, and other classic old skool-type posters. But soon all the original old skool types were cashing their royalty checks and stock options and chilling with Puffy at Hotel du Cap, sending the GA Republic into steady decline. Quality socks discouraged by the iron fist of SFTM, posters began phoning it. The greener pastures soon turned red with the blood of sock patriots. The GA Republic, faced with mass exterminations and socknic cleansing, soon realized that they no longer controlled their homeland.

6. Sometime during the forgoing period, paigow and slave had sex.

7. As a result of the persecutions, heavy-handedness, and blatant ABUSES OF AUTHORITY (now known as the “Stalin Board”), the cool kids on infirm moved on to lawtalkers. The old skool cred-hungry slave saw his chance to seize power during the transitional chaos and tumult and muscled his way into the position of Admin, Hairless Consig and Warlord within the newly established GA Republic.

THE ACCUSED
8. slave was born at a time unknown, presumably in a Blue State. His educational credentials are suspected to be forgeries and his professional career as a “lawyer” is undistinguished. He is rumored to have been fired from a position as an associate at a thoroughly disreputable firm in the Pacific NW, where his office is often referred to as the “pubicle cubicle.” Now, upon information and belief, he cleans spittletraysinSF. In his ample spare time, he wields power as Admin, Hairless Consig and Warlord on the lawtalkers anonymous internet-type lawyer message boards.

SUPERIOR AUTHORITY
9. As Hairless Consig and Warlord, slave performs his duties either personally or through “commands, orders and decisions.” In addition to his de jure powers, slave exercises extensive de facto control over numerous institutions essential to, or involved in, the conduct of the offenses alleged herein.

GENERAL ALLEGATIONS
10. At all times relevant to this indictment, slave occupied his position of Hairless Consig and Warlord of lawtalkers.

11. All acts and omissions charged as crimes against humanity were part of a widespread or systematic attack directed against the lawtalkers civilian population.

12. During his tenure as Admin, Hairless Consig and Warlord of lawtalkers, slave has engaged in arbitrarily capricious ABUSES OF POWER, such as sock and/or pussy flipping without justification and/or warning. Additionally, slave has threatened and/or implemented deletions of posts, posters and/or socks for purported preposterous TOS violation allegations when it furthers his fiendish goals. And slave and paigow had sex.

CHARGES

CRIMES AGAINST HUMANITY
13. On Tuesday, December 28, 2004, slave outed or “flipped” a sock known as Hairless Consigliere as belonging to penske, which it may or may not, but due to the cowed deference shown to slave by virtue of his immense power as Admin, Hairless Consig and Warlord of lawtalkers and his access to urls, many believed the sock known as Hairless Consigliere to be yet another penske sock without stopping to consider the implications of Hairless Consigliere being a penske sock, which it may or may not be. Said flipping was done without warning, in public or private, in violation of basic GA Republican principles such as Fair Warning, and was done by slave under the cloak of TOS in an attempt to consolidate his already vast power.

14. On many other occasions too numerous to list here, deletions of posts, posters and/or socks were threatened/implemented by slave under the cloak of TOS in an attempt to consolidate his already vast power. slave’s ABUSE OF POWER chills future sockery, stifles creativity, and could lead to the disappearance of some of the GA Republic’s most valued and original voices. Accordingly, slave's ABUSES OF POWER are crimes not only against individual posters, but against humanity at large.

15. slave and paigow had sex. Upon information and belief, slave had sex with other posters as well (but I’ll never tell). Due to slave’s shaved and drunken condition during these events, his actions must be construed as TORTURE.

COUNT 1
(ABUSE OF POWER)
Count 1: ABUSE OF POWER, a CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY, punishable under Article 5(d) of the Statute of the Tribunal.

COUNT 2
(TORTURE)
Count 2: TORTURE, a CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY, punishable under Article 3 of the Statute of the Tribunal and recognised by Article 3(1)(a) (torture) of the GA Conventions.

COUNT 3
(PERSECUTIONS)
Count 4: Persecutions of innocent socks on political, racial and religious grounds, a CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY, punishable under Article 5(h) of the Statute of the Tribunal.

Respectfully submitted,

Shape Shifter
Counsel for Humanity