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-   -   Making a buck cleaning Lester's spittle trays on Sequels' 22-year old supermodel abs (http://www.lawtalkers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=680)

ltl/fb 05-13-2005 02:10 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
If I had a gay son, I'd prefer he be utterly flaming. If you're going to do something, don't half ass it.

. . .

If I had a gay daughter, I wouldn't mind, so long as she was an attractive lipstick lesbian.
Wow. Usually you aren't quite this glaringly inconsistent. I'm sort of impressed.

Replaced_Texan 05-13-2005 02:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Is this what my wife means when she says "I didn't ask for an HONEST ANSWER, I wanted you to say (insert white lie which would make her feel better)?"

I'm realizing more and more that I live in a far too literal world. If I ask my wife if my new haircut looks good, I expect her to honestly reply. Where else will I get solid criticism, except here maybe...
Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass. --Cordelia Chase, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, circa 1999. Sebastian Dangerfield, 2005

sebastian_dangerfield 05-13-2005 02:14 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ltl/fb
Wow. Usually you aren't quite this glaringly inconsistent. I'm sort of impressed.
Thank you.

I find reverence for consistency to be among the most loathesome of our culture's bizarre fixations.

Did you just call me Coltrane? 05-13-2005 02:15 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Is this what my wife means when she says "I didn't ask for an HONEST ANSWER, I wanted you to say (insert white lie which would make her feel better)?"

I'm realizing more and more that I live in a far too literal world. If I ask my wife if my new haircut looks good, I expect her to honestly reply. Where else will I get solid criticism, except here maybe...
You (and I) would make terrible salemen.

Replaced_Texan 05-13-2005 02:16 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Thank you.

I find reverence for consistency to be among the most loathesome of our culture's bizarre fixations.
In your anthropological research, which culture's flexibility best matches your own?

greatwhitenorthchick 05-13-2005 02:16 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ltl/fb
Wow. Usually you aren't quite this glaringly inconsistent. I'm sort of impressed.
I think it's consistent. He would like both his gay son and gay daughter to look like chicks. Perfectly consistent.

ltl/fb 05-13-2005 02:18 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Thank you.

I find reverence for consistency to be among the most loathesome of our culture's bizarre fixations.
Well, you just make me think that you really believe in doing things half-assed.

I'm trying to figure out if MR can lick his wife's ass when he's on top in 69. And, the reason many women may not like lying on their backs while performing oral sex is that lying on your back with someone pushing into your mouth is, unless the penised one is quite careful and/or familiar with acceptable depth, the functional equivalent of shoving someone's head up and down a la RT's erstwhile partner.

ThurgreedMarshall 05-13-2005 02:22 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
If I had a gay son, I'd prefer he be utterly flaming. If you're going to do something, don't half ass it. I'd hate to have one of those normal gay sons (like the hair guy in Queer Eye) who'd seem so straight that I'd perpetually be asking him "You sure you don't dig chicks?" after my fourth vodka.
1. I love my dead, gay son!

2. The hair guy is not the "normal" gay son. There is no doubt that he is gay. The food guy is the one that could pass.

TM

sebastian_dangerfield 05-13-2005 02:23 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
You (and I) would make terrible salemen.
Oh, thats not true. Do you litigate? If so, you're a salesman. Or a failure.

I think we'd both do exceptionally well. People like us have trouble lying to family and friends. But I have no trouble lying to anyone else. I won't lie to you until I either (a) develop a dislike for you or (b) realize you're lying to me. Then I'll lie all the fucking time to you, about shit I don't even need to lie about. Hell, I'll do it just for laugh. Lying to pricks is a mental way of punching them in the teeth. Its a complete lack of respect. If you can work that dichotomy in your personality, you can eembellish and twist the truth as it it needs to be twisted in sales....

ThurgreedMarshall 05-13-2005 02:25 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
But I have no trouble lying to anyone else. I won't lie to you until I either (a) develop a dislike for you or (b) realize you're lying to me. Then I'll lie all the fucking time to you, about shit I don't even need to lie about. Hell, I'll do it just for laugh. Lying to pricks is a mental way of punching them in the teeth. Its a complete lack of respect. If you can work that dichotomy in your personality, you can eembellish and twist the truth as it it needs to be twisted in sales....
I think you're brilliant.

TM

sebastian_dangerfield 05-13-2005 02:25 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ltl/fb
Well, you just make me think that you really believe in doing things half-assed.

I'm trying to figure out if MR can lick his wife's ass when he's on top in 69. And, the reason many women may not like lying on their backs while performing oral sex is that lying on your back with someone pushing into your mouth is, unless the penised one is quite careful and/or familiar with acceptable depth, the functional equivalent of shoving someone's head up and down a la RT's erstwhile partner.
Does his wife have hip dysplasia? Or was that his German Shepherd?

LessinSF 05-13-2005 02:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
... Different strokes.
Nice combination of threads.

sebastian_dangerfield 05-13-2005 02:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
I think you're brilliant.

TM
Oh, come on... like you don't do this? I'm just noting something I suspect most of us do, and appreciating it.

robustpuppy 05-13-2005 02:30 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Oh, come on... like you don't do this? I'm just noting something I suspect most of us do, and appreciating it.
There's a big fat bloated unattractive whiff.

ltl/fb 05-13-2005 02:37 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
There's a big fat bloated unattractive whiff.
big fat and bloated is unattractive? hmmmm.

Mmmm, Burger (C.J.) 05-13-2005 02:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
I think you're brilliant.

TM
POTW

sebastian_dangerfield 05-13-2005 02:37 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
There's a big fat bloated unattractive whiff.
So I'm hitting .320. Shoot me.

I can't help but attempt to chuck up some profound shit from time to time. I'm off the charts egomaniacal like that...

robustpuppy 05-13-2005 02:38 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ltl/fb
big fat and bloated is unattractive? hmmmm.
If it were automatically so I would not have included the word "unattractive." Remember, a foolish redundancy is the hobgoblin of little minds.

Anne Elk 05-13-2005 02:41 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
So Guy A saw Guy B last night and nearly beat the shit out of him.

Here's hoping that's the end of that.
Sounds like a Jerry Springer episode.

Is Girl A loving the attention?

Hank Chinaski 05-13-2005 02:42 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
1. I love my dead, gay son!

2. The hair guy is not the "normal" gay son. There is no doubt that he is gay. The food guy is the one that could pass.

TM
I'm like Jai, only taller.

Anne Elk 05-13-2005 02:43 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
WTF is wrong with you? JIF is for pussies. Skippy SuperChunk, skippy.
2.

Greedy,Greedy,Greedy 05-13-2005 02:45 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Anne Elk
Sounds like a Jerry Springer episode.

Is Girl A loving the attention?
So Girl A could then comfort Guy B while swearing at that Neanderthal Guy A whom she can't believe she ever was with.

I hope Guy A got it out of his system. Otherwise, he's in for a long hard ride. I say he needs booze and sex, now and in large quantities.

robustpuppy 05-13-2005 02:46 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
So I'm hitting .320. Shoot me.

I can't help but attempt to chuck up some profound shit from time to time. I'm off the charts egomaniacal like that...
So yesterday I got an issue of Parents Magazine in the mail. I'm not sure where it came from - it's not really my speed, although I guess at some point I should probably to do some reading about this whole parenting thing beyond researching the best 529 plans.

Anyway, Seb, there was an essay in there just ripe for your upchucked profundities -- by a woman who nursed her children until they were past 5 years old. The woman has three kids, the oldest a teen, and has basically been continually nursing for 15 years. She attributes the closeness of her family to her nursing her kids that long. I think she's a lactation addict.

sebastian_dangerfield 05-13-2005 02:47 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
1. I love my dead, gay son!

2. The hair guy is not the "normal" gay son. There is no doubt that he is gay. The food guy is the one that could pass.

TM
2. Both of them act very straight.

I recommend the hair guy's haircut. I used to work this complicated longer haired gig which usually just degraded into a bad mess. My wife told me I looked old, so I got the Hair Guy's haircut. Mine doesn't look half as good as his, but the fucking thing is really easy to deal with. You just get up, run your hands through your hair, mess it up, put some of this pomade shit in it so its stays messed and then leave. Takes like 20 seconds.

Greedy,Greedy,Greedy 05-13-2005 02:48 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Anne Elk
2.
And I had you figured for the peanut butter you make fresh without sugar at the coop.

greatwhitenorthchick 05-13-2005 02:48 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
So yesterday I got an issue of Parents Magazine in the mail. I'm not sure where it came from - it's not really my speed, although I guess at some point I should probably to do some reading about this whole parenting thing beyond researching the best 529 plans.

Anyway, Seb, there was an essay in there just ripe for your upchucked profundities -- by a woman who nursed her children until they were past 5 years old. The woman has three kids, the oldest a teen, and has basically been continually nursing for 15 years. She attributes the closeness of her family to her nursing her kids that long. I think she's a lactation addict.
My drama teacher did that. Sicko.

paigowprincess 05-13-2005 02:48 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I'm fucking glad I wasn't here yesterday. Preggo fetishes might be the foulest of the foul.

Here is wisdom:

1. When he tells you you look more beautiful than ever when knocked up, he's lying. You know that, right?

2. Unless your husband is truly twisted, he's not "more" into you when you're knocked up. It ain't an attractive state, huge tits or no huge tits.

3. Lactation is cool, but I'm not sure its a sexual turn-on. I think its more cool in a "wow, how bout that? She's dispensing something drinkable... neat..." way. Am I going to taste it? Yeh, but like wine. I'll probably have to spit. I saw a cat swig from a bottle of it in law school, and he almost threw it up. Said it was chunky. I enjoy the soy shake and the fruit shake with the occasional cunk or two of sugary fruit matter in it, but I don't think I'd prefer my breast milk that way.

But who knows... I said the same thing about chunky Jif a few years back.

Cat drinking chunky breast milk. Moist cat food, moist cat food.

Greedy,Greedy,Greedy 05-13-2005 02:49 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
So yesterday I got an issue of Parents Magazine in the mail. I'm not sure where it came from.
I'm convinced the hospitals or doctors were giving the parenting magazines our information. Has to be a HIPAA violation.

Anne Elk 05-13-2005 02:50 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
I hope Guy A got it out of his system. Otherwise, he's in for a long hard ride. I say he needs booze and sex, now and in large quantities.
RT where is Guy A again? I might be able to arrange a few days off.

robustpuppy 05-13-2005 02:50 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
put some of this pomade shit in it so its stays messed and then leave
That pomade shit is propertly called "product."

Sheesh. Straight guys.

robustpuppy 05-13-2005 02:52 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
I'm convinced the hospitals or doctors were giving the parenting magazines our information. Has to be a HIPAA violation.
However it came about that every moving company under the sun has my address and telephone number, I think it violates Gramm Leach Bliley. Fuckers.

Shape Shifter 05-13-2005 02:54 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
2. Both of them act very straight.
Ha. Right. What color of shoes do you wear with pink pants?

paigowprincess 05-13-2005 02:54 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
My crush is SO over. :sobbing:
YOU had a crush on Sebby?!?!? I thought I was the only female in the cyberworld who could truly feel him. I think of you as a more Off the Bus type who would appreciate a nice, easily understood Gatti or a good old fashioned pedantist like Atticus?

Or is other words,

Off my corner, ho.

Mister_Ruysbroeck 05-13-2005 02:56 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by taxwonk
I would have thought my subsequent posts made it obvious that I was joking about the preggo fetish, but apparently reading comprehension on the FB is at an all-time low. Therefore, in the interests of full disclosure:

1. I do not have a preggo fetish.

2. I don't have any fetishes whatsoever.

3. I find breasts, legs, asses, necks, eyes, faces, hair, lips, smiles, and a flair for dressing well to be things about a woman that can make her sexually appealling, in no particular order and with none of the above being a must-have or a deal-breaker.

4. I have tried many, many things sexually, some of which I talk openly about, some of which are none of your fucking business.

5. I have never licked an eyeball.

6. I'm pretty sure that if I ever have sex like burning, I'll go see a doctor about it.

7. Paigow talks a good game, but she's really kind of repressed.

8. Same goes for Sebby.

9. For God's sake, MR, we have been referring to Coltrane's girlfriend as Sequels for almost as long as he's been posting.

10. I don't go commando, ever, because I don't want to get bit by the zipper. At least not ever again.

11. If I'm flirting with you, I'm probably just joking, but you can never be sure.

12. Fringey, you can be sure.

13. Thurgreed, so can you.
That was your BPE.

/golfclap

paigowprincess 05-13-2005 03:02 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
I'm easing her into swinging.

If that fails, I'm thinking I may take up masturbating in my truck to Villanova students in "Juicy" sweatsuits at the train station.
Ah,so the Juicy sweatsuits have made their way to Philly? That must be a good look on your people.

Replaced_Texan 05-13-2005 03:02 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Anne Elk
Sounds like a Jerry Springer episode.

Is Girl A loving the attention?
Dunno, though I doubt it. She and I are taking off on Sunday to get the hell out of dodge.

I'm feeling the most sorry for Girl B, who I didn't know until last night is dating Guy A. I'd be a little irritated if my new boyfriend was trying to pulverize his ex-'s new boyfriend right in front of me.

I was standing on the other side of the bar explaining the situation to a bewildered friend as the fur was flying, so I don't know what was said.

Anne Elk 05-13-2005 03:03 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
And I had you figured for the peanut butter you make fresh without sugar at the coop.
Only if it's chunky.

Replaced_Texan 05-13-2005 03:04 PM
Job opening
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Greedy,Greedy,Greedy
I'm convinced the hospitals or doctors were giving the parenting magazines our information. Has to be a HIPAA violation.
It is. I'd complain to the privacy officer.

Shape Shifter 05-13-2005 03:05 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
Dunno, though I doubt it. She and I are taking off on Sunday to get the hell out of dodge.

I'm feeling the most sorry for Girl B, who I didn't know until last night is dating Guy A. I'd be a little irritated if my new boyfriend was trying to pulverize his ex-'s new boyfriend right in front of me.

I was standing on the other side of the bar explaining the situation to a bewildered friend as the fur was flying, so I don't know what was said.
Guy A is dating someone new and he's still pissed? Sorry, RT, but he kinda sounds like an asshole.

notcasesensitive 05-13-2005 03:05 PM
Quote:
Originally posted by Replaced_Texan
Dunno, though I doubt it. She and I are taking off on Sunday to get the hell out of dodge.

I'm feeling the most sorry for Girl B, who I didn't know until last night is dating Guy A. I'd be a little irritated if my new boyfriend was trying to pulverize his ex-'s new boyfriend right in front of me.

I was standing on the other side of the bar explaining the situation to a bewildered friend as the fur was flying, so I don't know what was said.
Is Girl B from you network of friends? Just trying to see if hypocritical can be added to Guy A's resume.

I agree. It would suck to be Girl B.


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