Football pool
 

I'm actually surprised she didn't give them all tourmaline-charged face mask from Aveda and a set of melamine mixing bowls from the Nigella Lawson collection.

Football pool
 

She gave them a glimpse of her boobs showcased in a snug top, that's something, no?

Football pool
 

These people have suffered enough, haven't they?

Bad Music
 

Can anyone give me a reason that Nickelback should not be named worst band ever? The lead singer sounds like he's straining on the toilet, and the lyrics are more trite than a Dawson's Creek script. What the fuck do you mean, she's like your favorite disease? Please, Nickelback, drop off the face of the earth. I'd rather listen to Journey.

Football pool
 

“I am wildly, absurdly, insanely rich. Just think of how rich I am, cause I’m crazy... I mean, Bill Gates level... kooky rich... I haven’t wiped my ass since 1994 rich... I could hire Bobby, Whitney, JLo, Jessica and Nick to clean my pool and wax my lower back hair rich. And you don’t have houses. Its inspiring, isn’t it?”

Bad Music
 

Are they related at all to that new group "Green Day" I recently heard about?

Bad Music
 

I've got one word for you - Creed.

Football pool
 

"And yet, I can still relate to the powerlessness and loss you all must be feeling in the wake of this disaster. Last spring during a trip to Paris, I tried to get into Hermes after it closed, and can you believe this, they turned me away. My best friend Gail can tell you, it had to have been the worst moment of my life. I'll be talking about it on my show next week. Please watch."

Bad Music
 

In the heat with a blue jean girl, burnin' love comes once in a lifetime.

Thanks, RP.

Football pool
 

I'm sure she is being as helpful as Sean Penn, and has no doubt given boatloads of money. OK, maybe not as helpful as Sean Penn in the search and rescue way, but you know what I mean.

Football pool
 

I don't think kissing Oprah's ass on an anonymous chat board for lawyers is going to get you a free gift bag from Godiva, missy.

Bad Music
 

Some will win
Some will lose
Some are born to sing the blues

Football pool
 

Apparently in California we eat See's.

Hmmm. Maybe I should go to the mall at lunch.

Football pool
 

I have no gripe with Harpo. I like and respect her (a whole more more than I do Spicoli). She seems like as decent a celebrity as you can find, and she has worked her ass off to get where she is. But if I were homeless and poor and sleeping in the Astrodome, the very last thing I’d want to hear is a pep talk from a woman who probably flew in on private jet bigger than my house.*

*Actually, the worst possible thing I could imagine would be the couple on the cot next to me asking me if my wife and I were “into soft swinging.”

Bad Music
 

Someone's always playing corporation games
Who cares they're always changing corporation names