Of course, probably about 1 minute. And we are in agreement. That said, it would deserve more than 1 minute, even if it didn't get that. And it would make the trust issues flow both ways.

If you've been with someone for a while and you have to snoop, even if you don't find anything, you've got some serious relationship problems.

Or maybe mental problems.

Is "prove me wrong" an invitation to read your email and tail you (a la Gary Hart) (or my husband)?



PS Every time my youngest son sees your avatar, he breaks out in a chorus of "You don't make friends with salad...".

Well, as I confessed earlier, I snooped (with permission -- so does that count?) on my husband when we first started dating. He used to fib, but once I realized (and more importantly, he realized) that he is a terrible liar, and my bullshit detector is pretty fine-tuned, he stopped bothering. Since then, I haven't even been tempted to check up on him or snoop.

And that was (going on) 15 years ago.

You Don't Make Friends With Salad
 

Someone (I think here) posted a little clip with this scene from The Simpsons some time ago. I can't find it now, and I even tried Google!!

HELP!

You Don't Win Friends With Salad
 

sound


youtube (en espanol)

How is that even snooping? Did he say "hey, look at my email any time, I've got nothing to hide"?

Cuz that's like letting the popo search your car.

It doesn't count and I was careful to include the caveat because you mentioned earlier that it was early in your relationship, which is an important distinction. When you don't know everything about a person the way you do when you've been together for a long time, snooping is only natural. And in that circumstance, particularly where its allowed by the snooped party, why not?

Clearly, based on the time elapsed since, we can comfortably say you don't have problems in your relationship.

It's after you've been with someone for a while and there is supposed to be a trust thing that snooping seems a violation. I'd be pretty creeped out of my wife were snooping on me now. It'd feel like we weren't clicking as we were supposed to, you know?

Uh, no. This was in the mesozoic era, before email was commonplace.

But he said to look through anything I wanted (desk and papers, etc.). So I did.


And for the Simpsons links [SMOOCH!]

Well, I wouldn't go that far, but the problems that there are do not stem from a lack of trust and honesty.

fringey and I used to fight all the time. finally we agreed to tell Tim Horton's we didn't want the free 13th donut when we bought a dozen. it was just causing more trouble than it was worth.

You Don't Make Friends With Salad
 

Burger's all work, but this was the link I posted last time

http://friendswithsalad.ytmnd.com/

PS - politely tell your son it's "Win"

You don't have any BIG problems. We all have the usual garden variety "I am going to fucking kill her/him" problems.

In fact, my wife and I just fought this evening. I'm putting the usual salve on my wounds - beer.

These Dogfish Head brews are amazing. Seriously, if you enjoy the tasty handcrafted beer, you'll love this brewery. I bought a case of this stuff caled Raison D'Etre which is made with green raisins and it is amazing. And the plus is, it's got 8% alcohol.

And by March, at this rate, I will be 300 lbs. Or, as Homer would say, "Drought and famine resistant!"

2

I'm anti-cheating, but I feel that the women on the board (with the noted exception of b 'n b) seem to be OK with the idea of snooping so long as something damning is found.

I think each couple gets to set what privacy boundaries they want for the relationship. If they want a full-disclosure relationship like dtb has with her husband, then so be it. For myself, I would stick my head in an oven before I agreed to that, even though I'm a pretty open book. I could see telling a significant other, "Make yourself at home" and meaning it, but if she said, "I can't believe I found X or Y or Z" and started an argument about it, then provided it's not illegal (which in my case it wouldn't be), she's just brought me misery. And if I'm going to be cross-examined about where and when I've been so I can get tripped up, (a) this better be a two-way street, (b) I'll be using credit card receipts and bank statements on my redirect, and (c) you'd better be prepared for an eventual response like, "I didn't come straight home because I met with the circle of friends who I knew before I met you, and the topics of conversation were (1) whether you were crazy and (2) whether you were making me crazy. There was only a split decision on the second question. You probably don't want to hear about the vote on the first question. Oh wait, you were the one who wanted a full accounting, weren't you?"

Not that I've had conversations or relationships like that...

What I mean to say is that violating the privacy boundaries of a relationship is a violation of your partner. It's generally not the same level of violation as cheating, but it's a violation nonetheless.

And you wonder why we didn't work out.