Not that anyone cares...
 

I care, I think it's cool.

My in-laws, who live in a rural backwater, have wolves. Actual fucking timber wolves, on their property. Now, the in-laws are relatively grateful because they used to have something of a deer infestation, which was murder on my m-i-l's garden flowers, but they are also somewhat distressed because the wolves apparently ate some of the (cute) foxes but didn't eat any of the porcupines. Wolves apparently being, unsurprisingly, smarter than their last dog.

I had no idea...
 

that so many people go through life without a mirror. I mean, that is the only explanation as to why there are so many sartorial missteps on your average day in the big city.

Will anybody be Suzanna to my Trinny (or vice versa)? I'm thinking we could do a drive-by clinic, where we would set up a booth on my midtown corner and shout out helpful tips to grateful passers-by.

Some of the helpful tips I would have shouted out today:

Madam, do not wear black stockings (nearly opaque ones at that!!) with those high-heeled shoes. You look like a tart. Furthermore, the short skirt compounds the problem, and is completely the wrong length for your body type. The shape of the skirt, however, is just right. It just needs to be about 8 inches longer.

You. Yes, you over there. You have pretty decent legs, but your shorts are about two sizes too small. And not in a good way. Your legs would be shown to best advantage if that denim-y fabric were not riding up your bum.

There were others, but I'm starting to feel a little mean.

Narcissism's highest point
 

They should make him captain! The Eagles would be much better.

I had no idea...
 

Next time, take photos and send them to Glamour, so we can all poke fun. Do they still do the "Glamour don'ts?"

The Dude Abides
 

Great present for groomsmen: personalized bowling balls.

Mine says "Homer".

Ew.
 

Kimberly Stewart found a happy home for her old breast implants. The 25-year-old daughter of rocker Rod Stewart had fake boobs put in when she was 18, but later had them removed. “I’m older now and more comfortable with my body. I actually prefer being flat-chested. It’s just so much easier,” Stewart tells the October issue of Stuff magazine. “Jack Osbourne wanted them, so I framed them and he put them on his bathroom wall.”

The Dude Abides
 

If you don't like it, I know somebody who will!

The Dude Abides
 

Does this mean you have to name your kid Bart?

I had no idea...
 

Do you really mean that about my legs?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v3...-underwear.jpg

I had no idea...
 

I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you -- but somebody had to. (You'll thank me someday.)

I had no idea...
 

My mirror told me I can't wear Zegna cords b/c my junk is clearly outlined.

That's how the italians like it, right?

I had no idea...
 

If the cords are red, yes.

I had no idea...
 

Not that I'm looking, but does that say "Home"?

I had no idea...
 

Good grief. The man with whom I traveled to Florence bought a really great suit there, but almost didn't because the salesman was wearing orange cords that were waaay too tight and too short with a yellow cord blazer with sleeves that hit about two inches above his wrist. As the salesman took the measurements, he kept stopping the tape at all the wrong places (wink, wink). We had to explain, repeatedly, that the Italian fashion of having everything just a smidge too small wasn't going to work at home. We refrained from pointing out to the salesman that by the way, this particular fashion worked better on younger, much slimmer men than he.

Thankfully, the tailoring was perfect.

I had no idea...
 

Your trapped man is a fat?