From the "It's So Crazy It Just Might Work" Dept.
 

The Time Travel Fund.

• We establish a fund in current time. You make a small contribution to the fund, and in a few hundred years that small amount grows to a very large amount. From that fund, moneys will be taken and used to retrieve you, perhaps seconds after you join, perhaps even moments before your recorded death, perhaps some other point in your lifetime. Further, the fund may even pay to have you "rejuvenated" medically (assuming this is scientifically possible at that time,) and support you financially for a number of years. (Note: Retrieving you just before the moment of death is just one possible scenario, but one that would avoid any Star Trek(TM) type paradoxes. There are an unlimited number of other possibilities, and we do not know what they will do, we can only make reasonably informed guesses.)

The fact that they've accounted for Star Trek (TM) type paradoxes means it's a more sound business plan than some prospectuses I've read.

The other white meat
 

Okay, what's it like to be the other Hamm?

http://i.a.cnn.net/si/2004/writers/c...1_hamms_ap.jpg

You're an identical twin and your brother is kicking ass and you haven't done shit. How does that feel? Does he just work harder than you? Wouldn't it drive you crazy to know exactly what your potential is? That would make me crazy.

TM

The other white meat
 

I hear what you are saying but Morgan IS in the Olympics. And he is from WAUKESHA.



edited to fix tags. rp

The other white meat
 

Morgan did fairly well for the team competition, IIRC. I talked at length about this with someone whose father is an identical twin. We concluded that a) the bond is probably bigger than with regular sibs, b) that Morgan is competing at the top top level too, and the differences are incrimental at that level, and c) Morgan probably has more of an impact on Paul's performance than anyone in terms of pushing him harder.

The other white meat
 

Morgan tied for third in the high bar but wound up fourth, and out of a medal, after the tie-breaking criteria were applied. That's as close as you can get to a medal without actually getting one. That's gotta hurt. And he may BE the Olympics, but his twin brother will be raking in Wheaties cash while he's driving clown cars in the Waukesha Veterans Day Parade.

The other white meat
 

Are they old enough that I won't be Catholic priest-y if I say "mmmm, Hamm sandwich!"?

The other white meat
 

If you were the twin without all the medals, would any of that help you sleep at night?

That sounds like something his grandmother says to him to make him feel better after each competition.

TM

The other white meat
 

They're old enough, but are you comfortable with them both coming up to mid-chest?

The other white meat
 

You think that would be a good thing? I admire their gymnastic ability but no competition from me for the Hamm twins. You can totally have them. Now if Blaine Wilson would grow, oh, 10 inches.....

The other white meat
 

Regardless of their age, they've got a certain Corky-like quality that makes the thought of such a sandwich pretty nauseating. In fact, with one exception, I find male gymnasts completely sexually unappealing.

P.S. They might be fraternal twins, which would give the underachiever an excuse he can offer up at the bar when he's trying to buy the brunette anorexic Olsen twin a beer.

The other white meat
 

I think it's terrible how they keep referring to Morgan as Paul's "training partner", like he is just a supporting act. My gut feeling is that if I were Morgan, I'd be totally pissed off at the whole thing. However, probably he has dealt with all those issues a long time ago. They've been training together since they were about 3, if those stupid home videos NBC keeps showing are telling us anything.

The other white meat
 

Is that a Vitamin E joke?

The other white meat
 

I think you'd do better with these.

http://www.beer-steins.com/bear7_jp30.jpg

http://www.beer-steins.com/bear5_jp30.jpg

The other white meat
 

where would you like the 10 inches added?

The other white meat
 

Who is the exception? And they seem to have a good work ethic that I think could be applied to me. I'm not proposing to date them.