LawTalkers - Making a buck cleaning Lester's spittle trays on Sequels' 22-year old supermodel abs

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- - Making a buck cleaning Lester's spittle trays on Sequels' 22-year old supermodel abs (http://www.lawtalkers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=680)

Quote:

Originally posted by Hank Chinaski
I once thought I was too, but I've learned I'm not. I've learned my mom, who is married, has had repeated degrading sex with at least 6 guys who post here. One is a negro. And that's just from who posts here, I have no idea what else she may have done. Anyway, having been raised by someone like that, I'm sure there's lots I have wrong with me.:(

I have heard from reliable sources that SS is actually part Cherokee.

Quote:

Originally posted by ironweed
I have heard from reliable sources that SS is actually part Cherokee.

No. That rumor just comes up because on his first date with slave he kept asking "HOW"

Quote:

Would it make you feel better to know that the 6 guys posting here are all Penske socks?

Quote:

Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint
In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.

The problem with getting a lot of good sex is that all of a sudden the weirdest things seem really hot.

Quote:

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
The problem with getting a lot of good sex is that all of a sudden the weirdest things seem really hot.

Oh, quit your whining.

Porn Has Completely Destroyed Me

Quote:

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Have we seen this yet?

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/70028811.html

Do you think I was too honest? It's just that I've been getting a lot of PM's lately, and I have to nip that in the bud.

In case y'all were wondering

Quote:

Originally posted by notcasesensitive
I take it he didn't win the playoff (I didn't watch it after their tee shots on the first playoff hole and have not been curious enough to find out who won it)? That ball in the water shot was idiotic.

What is the allure of that kind of sports bet? I admit to not doing much sports betting, but in the event I do bet on sports, I tend to go for the parlays. Odds aren't exciting enough to bet on one thing. It would be like playing one hand of Blackjack instead of sitting down and playing for a while. Or something. Why bet $83 to clear $100?

I thought it was a virtually risk-free way to make $119. In retrospect, I should have cashed out the bet just after Vijay bogeyed 15 and before Sergio had his 5 foot eagle putt on 15. (though I don't know if I would have made or lost money at that point).

Unreal.

Fortunately, I seem to be back in Party Poker's good graces. (KK held up in a big multi-way pot at a 30-60 table yesterday).

If Dan Savage says it, it must be true

Quote:

Originally posted by Sparklehorse
It's official -- oral sex is part of the vanilla repertoire. NotBob, please update your records accordingly.

Link

What's GGG?

Porn Has Completely Destroyed Me

Quote:

Originally posted by Flinty_McFlint
Do you think I was too honest?

No, your sugarcoating was necessary.

Porn Has Completely Destroyed Me

Quote:

Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Have we seen this yet?

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/bos/70028811.html

People, people -- can you at least repost the money sentences when you're talking about Craig's List? My firm's firewalls don't let me access that sort of filth.

(Strangely, it also restricts infirmation?!?)

Quote:

Originally posted by Pretty Little Flower
O.K., the more I think about it, the more I kind of like Guy A and Guy B and feel for their situation. So here is the polite thing to do so they can all move on. Guy B should wait for a social situation where most of the social group, including Guy A but exluding the chick, is gathered. Then, Guy B should wait a bit and, if things seem a bit awkward, he should pat Guy A on the shoulder and loudly announce, "Listen, I know it is a bit weird with me dating [the chick] and everything, but I could not help it. She is one horned up wildcat in bed, if you know what I mean, and I know you do. But, I have to say that she is so damn loose down there she is almost flapping. You must be hung like [some animal that has a massive cock]. Good work, my friend." That way, there is a public acknowledgement of the succesor-in-interest dating situation, but it is done in a way that Guy A gets to keep his ego intact and save face with the social group.

Ahhh, an approach I thought went out of fancy with Falco. I recall finding myself facing a set of brass knuckles the last time I used that.

Unfortunately, the first sucker punch (thankfully minus the brass knuckles) struck me square across the jaw. Only as I stood dazed and saw a man much larger than me begin to slide the set of metal knuckles across his neanderthal claw-digits did I realize that some folks don't like hearing about the lack of tautness in their SO's genitalia.

Where do you think I picked up the term "roast beef"?

When in doubt, always work inward. And never eat clams with the salad fork.

ETA: How Freudian. I'm like, channeling shit, unconsciously.

Porn Has Completely Destroyed Me

Quote:

Originally posted by dtb
People, people -- can you at least repost the money sentences when you're talking about Craig's List? My firm's firewalls don't let me access that sort of filth.

(Strangely, it also restricts infirmation?!?)

There was a time - I'd say pre 1999 - when I would have tolerated a girl with an errant fat roll, a mildly problematic ass, or even non-porcelain veneered teeth. And come to think of it, I might have even green lighted a B cup chest.

But with the installation of the high speed cable modem, alas, I am sad to say that those times have now passed. I now only want - and will only solicit affection from - girls with killer porn star looks and behavior.

I am ashamed and I do not like what now stimulates me, but the Internet, with all of its quick fix, crack-like vices, has made me extraordinarily intolerant.

Are you a Tufts or Harvard grad and a great conversationalist?

Not important.

Do you have a quirky sense of humor and a knack for cooking Asian Fusion cuisine?

Don't care.

Would you like to discuss the sub-text meaning of the whip sawed brush strokes of that Kandinsky painting at the MFA?

Fuck off.

Be the source of a blood rush and make me throw a rod in my pants or kindly turn into anti-matter.

I am ruined. I am dead on the inside. I am ashamed and embarrassed of what now stimulates me and I know that I am irrevocably changed for the worse. For all practical purposes, Internet porn has destroyed me.

So who am I? Not who you'd think. Not the dandruff-haired blob of shit in the cube next to you. Not the UES Michigan frat boy. Not the faux disheveled Downtown hipster with the silly retro Puma sneakers.

Sadly, I am the "normal" one that you're actually interested in. Cultured, eloquent, well dressed. I am the one you discuss with your girlfriends over Sunday brunch. I am the one you hope to bump into at Karen's pajama themed apartment party. I am the one who takes the lead, holds doors, and hails cabs.

Shit.

Do you dream of a man who will "love you just for you?"

Do believe that you have peripheral, intangible qualities that men of substance will key upon and gravitate to?

Do you shun the gym in favor of The Apprentice and a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chunkey Monkey, thinking that your black cigarette pants will sufficiently mask any belly spillage or ass expansion?

Then forget it. It's game over. You're a walking, talking non-compete clause and you're going to end up alone with a slobbering oversized Rotweiller named Chuckles.

Pull your head out of your ass and be advised - porn viewing/obsession is spreading like the plague amongst my gender - upping the already unrealistic physical expectations, pushing boundaries in the bedroom (you're down with anal, right?), and providing instant, customize-able sexual highs with the push of a button.

If you're female and you don't posess prodigal, Einsteinian caliber intelligence that would propel the cause of humanity forward, and, if you don't relish the idea of being alone, then . . .

. . . throw every last dollar you have at your physical appearance.

I'm serious. Personal trainer. Porcelain veneers. High-end boob job. Get scared and get it done.

Do not extend my gender any credit. Do not hope that a guy will be in awe of your cello playing, your VP title, or your cute apartment.

I promise you he won't care. Don't kid yourself into thinking he will. Men are programmed to respond to the visual.

Look good or you're alone.

If Dan Savage says it, it must be true

Quote:

Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Would it be bad form to quote Dan Savage in my Petition for Dissolution of Marriage?

He wouldn't let you blow him? I nominate him for the cover of this month's "Bad Judgment Magazine"

It takes dynamite to get me up

Quote:

Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
The problem with getting a lot of good sex is that all of a sudden the weirdest things seem really hot.

You always need the Weird. It makes the good better and the bad palatable.

Once you've fucked anything a hundred times, you have to get into "the weird." I'm practically at the point where I have to paint faces on my hand like Senor Wences to masturbate.