um, hi.
 

Nitrous.

Returning to our roots.

um, hi.
 

You wouldn't be the first.

Edited to add IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: this is a joke. No one has ever snorted coke off my ass.

um, hi.
 

That's legal, right? Because [said in deep sonorous voice], we should follow the law.

And just for E/O, I will throw in a gratuitous sex story: I had sex last night.

Have you ever noticed, you seem to be obsessed with your own ass?

Why is this?

Because obsession with other people's asses is Thurgreed's domain, particularly when putting something in said asses is the topic.

It's my only asset.

additional fb question (brc help)
 

So am I still okay taking sandals up to NYC to wear with my party clothes this weekend? Are open toes (with pedicure natch) frowned upon post-Labor Day up there? What about casual sandals (non-teva, thank god) for walking?

Sincerely,
An Ignorant Texan

arnold's platform
 

And so we transition back to FB board fare!

But I haven't seen you cry yet.

(And E/O, all I can say is what a waste of a fine ass)

Remember that surreal poll? I change my answer
 

I do this Navy SEAL type training every morning at 6:30. I've been slacking off for the last two weeks because of the new puppy, but I got an e-mail yesterday from the group asking everyone to come out for a special workout with Jack Walston, the founder of the group that I take the class with. I decided I needed to get back on the horse and take the class again, so I went to bed early.

Of course, a quasi-emergency happened, and I didn't get back to bed until three, and the whole idea was shot.

So my brother calls this morning to ask if I went to the class. He goes to the 5:30 class, which is harder than the one I go to. More yelling, more running, higher reps, higher expectations that they'll actually accomplish what they're asked to do. I explain my reasons for not being there, and he tells me about the "special workout" with Jack.

First, a little about Jack. I think he's in his late 30s. Ex-Navy SEAL. Amazingly fit. He does a lot of competitions around the state, and he ran, not biked, the MS 150. He's the guy who started this course, and it's intense. He's been doing it for about 8 years, and it's really gotten its rhythm now. He does special two week classes where he beats the shit out of you to the point that it literally hurts to drive home after class. When we see his car in the parking lot in the morning, we preemtively start aching because we know it's going to be a tough workout. He has a bunch of ex- and current military guys who also teach the classes, so we don't get him that often, but he comes out from time to time, just to remind us that there will be no slacking off in his classes.

Anyhow, my brother said that Jack dragged his class off to the rugby fields and beat the crap out of them, and at the end of the class he lined them all up and said that he had an announcement with good news and bad news. Everyone groaned, because Jack's bad news generally involves pain.

First the bad news: Jack, it turns out, will be "on assignment" for the next year and a half or so, and will not be able to teach the class. No worries, the classes will continue, and everything will remain the same as normal, but Jack just won't be there.

The good news: First Jack started with a random question. "Does anyone know who Roy Horn is?" Some guy in the back row muttered something about the lion guy in Vegas that was mauled. Turns out that Jack, on top of being an ex-Navy SEAL, is also a professional lion tamer. So he's going off to Vegas for at least a year and a half to help train the lions that just lost one of their trainers.

My brother said that everyone was relatively speachless. To say they (and we) were shocked is a massive understatement.

Sigfried and Jack? I dunno the details, but I can say that if a lion tried to maul Jack, my money would be on Jack.

When we were talking about it, my brother and I decided that beating the shit out lions probably isn't that different than beating the shit out of us. Pretty much everyone who has ever taken Jack's course knows to jump when Jack tells them to.

Fashion Poll
 

Yes, what happened to fashion? So typical that I am the one who has to bring the topic back to fashion. And so typical that I do so via one of my famous Flowerian Polls. So, as one of my final pre-Lawtalkers Retirement acts, I offer you the following fashion-related poll:

If you were to choose one designer to outfit you exclusively, ignoring practical concerns such as money and dressing appropriately for work, who would it be?

I would choose Romeo Gigli.

um, hi.
 

It wasn't for lack of trying.

Fashion Poll
 

Sean Jean.

I thought that was DS. Maybe that's more when taking it up the ass is the topic.

um, hi.
 

You tried to snort coke off her ass? Damn, I miss all the good parties.

um, hi.
 

Yes. She insisted that I only snort coke on her ass. She is a demanding mistress.