Paigow's Underpants Are Calling
 

Charmingly disarming, ain't it?

Paigow's Underpants Are Calling
 

Mine would surely call the Mr. to say outrageous things to him, but this is the TUALIMM answer you were all expecting. I will try to think of a better one.

I just have this image of me (klutz) tripping and my underwear screaming at passers-by "I've fallen and I can't get up!" And, what if as you get older and your shorts call VNA and ask for a nurse specializing in naughty, or you don't have a date for a while and your underpants start calling 976 numbers or Miss Cleo? That could be expensive. What if they get not only a phone line but your credit card number? Good Vibrations might like the extra business, but how to explain the charges for diesel-powered marital aids to your S.O.?

I am really uncomfortable giving my underpants free access to the phone. Gives new meaning to the "booty call."

TM's Submission
 

Sung to the tune of Eminem's Lose Yourself:


Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity

To ridicule everyone you ever wanted - One moment

Would you capture it or just let it slip?



TM's palms are sweaty

Fingers weak

Arms are heavy

There's vomit in his mouth already

"LOL" posts are petty

He's nervous

But online he looks calm and ready

To drop bombs

But he keeps on forgetting

What he should post now

The whole board grows so loud

He cracks his knuckles

But the words won't come out

He's chokin', how

Everybody's jokin' now

The clock's run out

Time's up

Over

Pow!

Snap back to reality

Where's the depravity?

Oh, there goes Francis

He choked

He's so mad, but he

Won't give up that easy

Nope

He won't have it

He knows his whole back's to these

Ropes

It don't matter

He's dope

He knows that

But he's broke

His debt's stacked

And he

knows

Tonight he gets back

To his home

turns around and it's

Back to the office again, yo

This whole work shit

He better find a way out and hope it don't pass him


You better lose yourself in the FB, like Penske

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo


You better lose yourself in the FB, like Magnus' mommy

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo


From infirmation we're escaping

Now it's their board that is gaping

Lawtalkers is primed for the taking

Who should be king

As we move toward a

New board order

PLF? He's so 2001...

Might as well perform a post mortem

Wonk reads and grows harder...

he only gets hotter

Slave bowls us all over...

These hoes is all on him

Coast to coast trips...

Less is known as the globetrotter

Houston's roads

RT only knows

She drives from office to home

but no farther

Paigow's the board's very own lunatic daughter

Coke up her nose...

Leaves and comes back...

The false martyr

Weed don't post here no mo...

He's cold product

So we moved on to the next schmoe who flows

Shifter's stock rose

TS has got power

The FB soap opera is told and unfolds

It's getting old pahtna

But the board goes on

Da da dum da dum da da



You better lose yourself in the FB, like Finchy

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo


You better lose yourself in the FB, like GWiNCky

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo


No more games

I'ma change what you call rage

Tear the mothafuckin' thong off of red undies' frame

EO was nicer in the beginning

But her mood's all changed

Someone should chew up and spit out every single pj page

So I keep postin and writin' in this space called cyber

Best believe google aids the Grinch as a writer

SD's pain inside amplified by the fact

That he can't get by as a nine to fiver

DTB provides the right type of life for her family

NotBob's so old the guy's ready to buy diapers

Genre: horror movie...

DS is a filer...

that is her life

Stayin' ketchupped is so hard

and it's getting even harder

Pepper used to office-TCB

Plus

Remember when Arby caught her a Prima Donna

The Fugee Mama drama screamin is it

Too much for me to wanna

Stay in this spot

Should I scroll or not

It's gotten me to the point, I work like a snail

I've got

To formulate a plot

To grab the partners' pot

Success is my only mothafuckin' option

Failure's not

Barely, I love you

But all this email's got me so

I'm sick of the lawyer's lot

So here I go it's my shot

Feets fail me not

Cuz I gotta take the only opportunity that I got



You better lose yourself in the FB, Like RP

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo


You better lose yourself in the FB, Like leagly

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo



(You can flame anyone you set your mind to, man)

TM

A Parroty
 

After deciding that Slave should parody "Never Say Never" by Romeo Void ("I might like you better if we slept together") instead of me, and still lamenting my lost "Two Headhunters and a Fax Machine" from the Yahoo days, I offer this:

Fashionistaville

Another stale Snickers
In two day old knickers
All of the paras are out at the bars
Drafting’s my mission
Requests for admission
Stuck in the office, at least can’t get SARS

Typing away again in Fashionistaville
Searching for my lost integrity
Some people claim that it was law school to blame
But I know
I wish I was Charlie Kuralt

I don't know the reason
I’ve committed this treason
Nothing to show but some red Jimmy Choos
But they give me solace
Along with my Rolex
And telling stories of dragons I slew

Typing away again in Fashionistaville
Searching for my lost integrity
Some people claim that it was law school to blame
Now I think
I should have studied Gestalt

I move in a trance
Representing insurance
Change my shirt, had to cruise on back home
There's Friday night Happy Hour
With twelve Pisco Sours
That trendy concoction that helps me hang on

Typing away again in Fashionistaville
Searching for my lost integrity
Some people claim that it was law school to blame
But I know
It was the pay and the Vault

Yes and some people claim that it was law school to blame
And I know
It was the pay and the Vault

Parody Parody
 

Why do you hate me?

TM's Submission
 

game, set and match. Congratulations.

Hey, hockey fans.
 

Here's that perfect Xmas present for the god-fearing l'il hockey fan in your family:

http://catholicshopper.com/products/media/DE_3978.jpg

But wait, there's more!

Hey, hockey fans.
 

Is it me or is Jesus throwing the elbow at the kids in the soccer and football ones?

Hey, hockey fans.
 

I am speechless. The only thing I can come up with is:
:eek2:

Hey, hockey fans.
 

The FB (I think) has previously discussed these objects d'art.

Anyway, one of my nephews get this one (see below) for his birthday recently. Jesus was apprarently an option quarterback, and not a drop back passer. Huh -- who'd a thunk it.

http://catholicshopper.com/products/media/DE_3976.jpg

The 80s killed the tiger-show star!
 

http://www.msnbc.com/local/wmaq/A1824051.asp

This all makes sense now. A woman with "big hair" distracted the kitten. Hmm, big hair like a lion's mane? The poor white kitten was just trying to protect Roy from the big-haired lion, er, woman.

Hello

Hey, hockey fans.
 

Thanks for the link, Ty.

Those go from the hilarious to the borderline creepy. I'm a particular fan of Martial Arts Jesus.

http://catholicshopper.com/products/media/DE_3985.jpg

They would probably sell a lot more of these if Jesus had a "kung fu grip".

sf

Hey, hockey fans.
 

If I recall correctly, the second time someone posted the link, NB commented on how much he liked the "Jesus as option quarterback" one. Good times.

The ballet and gymnastics ones creep me out.

Hey, hockey fans.
 

Well, he's New Testament, but old school.

Hey, hockey fans.
 

But the golf one doesn't disturb you? I would be checking the list of known pedophiles to see if "Jesus" appears on there.