Weird Holiday Gifts
 

Fuck no, dude... I haven't had any massive settlements to afford shit like that lately... Do you have any mass tort claimants you don't want at the moment?

I got a tasteful thing that her friend said she wanted. Not a ring... earrings.

5 ct? Do they even make such a thing?

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

Well, just so long as she's seeing it somewhere.

Actually, this is all mine:

"Welcome to FindLaw, where Greedy Associates mingle and interact -- albeit in a very impersonal manner. Ennui, angst, and disconsolation permeate our photoresins. We retain, though, a spark of hope, a point of light, that somewhere -- maybe over the rainbow -- there is a better way of living, a new paradigm for a new millennium. We patiently bide our time before we bolt to greener pastures.

Oh, the humanity."

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

Yeah, she usually can't see anything on account of the cataracts...

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

Do you guys know about the PM function?

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

The binoculars are so she can see your dick.

It was just too easy.

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

Yes. And if you really, really loved her, you'd do anything to buy them for her.

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

Dissent. Stick with diamonds. Though they come in lovely colors too. I have a giant canary one I like very much. Someday I'd like some pink ones too.

Oh, and
 

Xevious rocked - http://www.klov.com/game_detail.php?...&game_id=10505

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

Yes. It's a good thing you didn't marry a jewess. You should see some of my friends' left hands! And the left hands of my mother's friends are even more heavily adorned.

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

Since Leagl doesn't seem to be googling today

Enjoy. I'm sure they'll ship it in time for Kwanza.

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

I believe JLo's pink diamond ring is up for grabs. Not sure about Ben though.

Edited to note, I think he's up for grabs by anyone with a g-string he can tuck a $20 into. So it's a better deal to just go for the diamond.

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

You could have IMed that to them.

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

The current De Beers campaign is even worse. "You're a piece of shit. She's stuck with you. Buy her a big whapping rock to ease her pain."

Actually, it is Chandler's. Just like "X called, it wants its Y back", "thanks for playing", and half the shit aloha, spooky and ncs say.

but thanks for playing

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

You could have text messaged her on her cell with that.

I though Plated invented that. No?

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

Perfect for the insecure-squat-old-rich-guy-trying-to-hold-on-to-his-repulsed-yet-golddigging-young-mistress market. This could be big folks!

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

I know I say this all the time about these diamond ads, but I swear DeBeers makes them just to make me want to vomit. I walked into a tunnel in grand central* the other day and the entire tunnel was blanketed with these diamond ads - "she picked you, buy her a rock before it sinks in" "there will be a test on Dec 25" "she's a goddess - buy her a diamond so she'll let you live another year". I hate them so much. Makes me not want any diamonds ever. I haven't really thought about why I hate them - it's visceral.

*there were two people smoking what I believe is crack in this tunnel. First time I have ever seen that. Little pipes and inhale but no exhale. and no smell.

whatever happened to good old fashioned greed
 

What's the equivalent of a ring for a guy? Why don't we get anything?! I'm tired of all this giving...gifts....tips......charitable contributions.....et al......etc.....etc.....and so on. Its out of hand (and fwiw, I blame Slave)*.

My pre-New Year's resolution is to be a taker, not a giver.

Happy holidays to me.

*my entry for the not so inside inside joke of the day that is not funny-if that bad boy is still up for grabs.

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

Speaking of Kwanzaa, I was looking through a children's book last night on the 7 days of Kwanzaa. In the back were recipes for traditional Kwanzaa meals. In the recipe for jambalya salad, the first listed ingredient was mayonnaise. This seems inconsistent with my previous understanding regarding this condiment.

Harambee, everyone.

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

Shit, I was thinking exactly the same thing the other day when I was walking through Penn Station and saw the same ads.

Where's the "He picked you, out of all the chicks available, so get him a plasma screen for Xmas or you're an ungrateful cunt."

finally, some recognition for all the value I add to the board. thanks, paigs.

Interesting theory, considering I never watch that program.

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

XBoxes plus several really good games. What, do you get a crappy Old Spice soap-on-a-rope every year? Upgrade to someone who cares!

Yep. Thank goodness for my internal editing or it would be much, much worse. Wouldn't want to be prattling on all the time.

Right, Ms. 2200+ posts?

And you're welcome.

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

Yes, I don't really have a problem with gender-based marketing, but there should be some parity. If people would be pissed off at a "he's a god, buy him a [expensive thingy] so he'll let you live another year" campaign (and I think they would be), chances are some are not going to like one referencing the other sex.

I believe you were the person who last unironically said "thanks for playing", but Your Mileage May Vary!

2200 posts of prattle! Perhaps you should contribute to Lester's Kill a Paigow To Save A Tiger Fund.

whatever happened to good old fashioned greed
 

I don't understand the whole "time to give" bullshit anyway. When I see something that my husband would like I just buy it for him -- no need for someone to make up a special day for tme to do it. Of course, that means starting in November everything I buy him comes with the line "now don't forget that this is for Christmas so you can't go telling people I didn't get you anything." He likes this because I do tend to buy more around the holidays and he ends up with much more stuff then if I bought it all at once and wrapped it up -- I would probably stop at a few items.

He, on the other hand, is never allowed to buy me gifts --- if I want something I will buy it for myself. I don't particularly like jewelry (I have one watch, one pair of diamond earrings and my wedding rings and then there is a diamond necklace and tennis bracelet from my first marriage). What the hell do I need any more jewelry for?

whatever happened to good old fashioned greed
 

Well, I like it, but I'm really angling for a kayak this year. Or Sebby's plasma-screen sounds nice, if I get to hog the remote control...

We don't want the money. Trading a cougar for a tiger is a zero-sum exchange.

Now a little Holiday Humor:

Do you know what tiges sing at Christmas?

"Jungle bells, jungle bells . . ."



Oy vey, I need some new material.

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

De Beers has had a century+ to hone their pitch without having to worry about the product changing on them. If plasma screens are still around in a hundred years, I'm sure they will have refined the sales techniques to be equally nauseating.

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

Translation: I'm fucking a partner's wife and she'll lose her house in the Hamptons and the coop apartment on the Park if he finds out. Bitch bought me a car to shut me up.

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

I'm buying mine a house.

whatever happened to good old fashioned greed
 

I am trying to be a good girl and wait for the prices to come down -- I just can't see paying $15,000 for a TV (yes I know they come cheaper but my husband wants one the same size that he has now). I like the idea of a TV that hangs on the wall -- think of the nifty things you could do with the extra space beneath.

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

Did that last year.

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

Yankee magazine is running that ad, alongside the "She puts up with the hair forest in your crack and cleans the skidmarks that emerged from the woods out of your jeans, so where is her uncut eightball?"

Weird Holiday Gifts
 

I sincerely hope you'll be living there too, Wonk. Otherwise, that wouldn't exactly be in the spirit of the season...

Hmm
 

The triple effort of you, me and Mr. Oblivion, whereas we posted the picture of the cock ring ("One Ring to Rule them All") and ran off insults about 50 regulars, which was then deleted less than hour thereafter by SFTM v2.0, was much better, IMHO.

whatever happened to good old fashioned greed
 

I was out looking at flat-screens recently and was surprised a lot of the pictures actually sucked. I think the technology needs to improve too before it's really worth the bucks. But clearing all the room space, and the sleek factor--tempting.