Slow Day Poll
 

Agreed. I always feel as if someone has sucked the juice right out of me.

Slow Day Poll
 

Gee, we should all get together again here 5 years from today and see how many of us have been able to keep these resolutions.

And find out if Gwinky's still enjoying, well, what she enjoys...

Slow Day Poll
 

Five years? Heh. Five days is more like it.

I really mean it about the alcohol thing. This time.

FBabies
 

If Shapeshifter and Slave were able to concieve a child after one of their mansessions, would be it named Shaveshafter?

Slow Day Poll
 

I'm putting a 5 spot on one of the "-chucks."

Slow Day Poll
 

Boy, you'll never leave the Diner, will you?

Slow Day Poll
 

It was hard to come up with things that weren't subsumed by that whole marriage vow thing. But putting that aside...

Never again will I date a woman named/nicknamed Kat/Cat. Kates, Katies, Katherines may be okay, but no Kats. You shouldn't either.

Never again will I get stupendously stoned and then eat a five day old take-out container full of Beef and Broccolli - food poisoning with your head spinning is bad, bad, bad. Actually, since that incident, I've not had either pot nor Beef and Broccolli, either separate or together.

Slow Day Poll
 

I'm going with this one:

http://www.wasagabeach.com/calendar/...day/jday16.jpg

Slow Day Poll
 

Wow.

Slow Day Poll
 

Well you'd lose, but thanks for the vote of confidence that I could land that sexy hunk of man-meat. Swoon.

FBetties, unmasked!
 

During my commute, I sometimes choose a route that takes me past a cybercafe. What's interesting about it is that it's a combination Cybercafe/copier service/hookah bar.

The thought of a little hookah with my surfing should be enough enticement to bring me in the door, I suppose, but the proprietor apparently thinks I need more. Therefore, he also graces me on the side of his building with photographs of the many beautiful women who are surely to be found on the inside.

I'm to believe, it appears, that women who surf on the 'Net (and in particular, women who do so at a place as cool as this cybercafe/hookah bar) typically have long hair, DDs, an hourglass figure that would make TM drool, a wardrobe tending toward the 3am dance club even though used sitting at a computer under unforgiving lights, and a happiness to pause for a "candid photo" during one's computer session with an arched back and a million-dollar smile.

FBetties, when I drive by this on the way to work, I think of you.

Well, some of you.

That is all.

Slow Day Poll
 

You have to be the biggest dumbass ever to come to these boards. You are worse than little timmy. If you're so efficient, how come it took you roughly 10,000 words to say absolutely nothing?

This is what you sound like:

I am the best and most efficient. I can log in remotely and I know where all my phone numbers are. I will not share the secrets I have discovered all by myself at how to be the absolute best lawyer that I can be because of all of the backstabbers who...HEY! WHAT THE FUCK? WHO GAVE THAT BLACK GUY A MENTOR? HOW COME I CAN'T HAVE ONE? AND JUST A GOD DAMNED MINUTE! HOW COME THAT WOMAN CAN GET AWAY WITH NOT KNOWING EXACTLY WHERE HER PHONE NUMBERS ARE JUST BECAUSE SHE'S CUTE? SON OF A BITCH! I WANT I WANT I WANT! UNFAIR UNFAIR UNFAIR! CAN'T YOU SEE HOW GOOD I AM? ME ME ME! What's that? Turn out the light on my way out? Yes, sir.

What a fucking loser.

TM

Slow Day Poll
 

To quote dtb, hamana hamana. Or is it humana-humana. No, that can't be right. Manamana?

And bonus, his teeth would perfectly illuminate the bedroom (or whatever the venue). No candles, no fire hazard.

Behind the Music
 

I really wanted to find the photos from the hookah bar, but the proprietor apparently doesn't see the wisdom of replicating online what he is happy to share with thousands of commuters each day.

I could not quickly find equivalent pictures, not even by perusing through my old client files for Penske. A Google search was similarly unilluminating, but it did reveal this:

http://www.laf.ivytech.edu/contedu/computer2.jpg

Inexplicably, this is art that's intended to persuade you to attend continuing education courses in computers at the extension of some university in Indiana.


Jesus, this is an invitation? Feels more like a threat. "Come type into my komputer, you meeserable leetle svine, and upon your first error I will lash you!"

Where are the white women?
 

Speaking of which, here's a pic I took of TM and his mentor during their firm weekend last year -- they held it at the dude ranch just a few miles from Podunkville:

http://www.homevideos.com/freezefram...Saddle141.jpeg

Where are the white women?
 

Where da white women at?

Look, it's coming off.

TM

FBetties, unmasked!
 

Dear Gatti:

As a fellow Californian driver, I find this distressing. In the words of SS's brother, "Keep your eyes on the road, your hands upon the wheel." That means both hands, sicko.

Your pal in Christ,

Flinty

Slow Day Poll
 

Oddly enough, one mistake I will never repeat is to turn down an offer of gratuitous head. You never know when your next dry spell is going to be.

Where are the white women?
 

Thurgreed would never wear Western.

Hookah Bars
 

I again quote Debbie Love (aka "Black Debbie") from Sealab: "Per written instructions from both production counsel and Standards and Practices, I am enjoying this hookah in a drug-free manner. [beat] cough cough cough cough."

That is all. Except that if you want to see cool Sealab stuff, check out http://pod-six.net

Slow Day Poll
 

Isn't it traditionally marked by a ceremony and reception to follow?

Slow Day Poll
 

Traditionally, yes. But mine is an interfaith marriage.

Where are the white women?
 

Where d'white women at?

Damnshitfuck.

I shoulda known TM would beat me to the punch. His facial expression (What's his name? Clive? I know he died not too long ago.) in that picture is priceless.

Where are the white women?
 

Move along please. Nothing to see here. System glitch.

Where are the white women?
 

Gotcha. :P

FBetties, unmasked!
 

Aw, thank you! You are so sweet. I am arching my back right now ;);)

Slow Day Poll
 

I will never again mix the following drinks in one evening (for reasons that are obvious to anyone who has drinking experience): Tom Collins (2), red wine (unknown quantity -- waiters surreptitiously refilled glass when not looking), swimming pool sized frozen margarita (1/2), and Singapore Sling (1). I think I can safely swear never to drink a Singapore Sling again under any circumstances.

I had limited drinking experience before I was a summer associate and thus had never heard of the "don't mix different alcohols" rule. I also didn't know what kind of drinks I'd like and ordered things randomly. The predictable results led to a vow never to have a hangover again. With a couple of very minor exceptions, this is a vow I've kept. I hate headaches and I hate feeling nauseous (or worse) even more and going past my limit has never made me feel good enough to suffer both together.

If I had a lick of sense, I'd never again tell the head of my practice group that he did not have the birdie he was gloating about and in fact he had a double bogey because the white fence he moved his ball in front of was an OB marker (the large letters OUT OF BOUND painted thereon seemed to escape his notice) not a man-made immovable obstruction.

For my next impression, Jesse Owens.
 

Cleavon Little. It's a shame he associated himself with that steaming piece of monkeycrap called "Fletch Lives," a movie my Tivo recently picked up as a suggestion from basic cable because it has so much in common with funny movies.

Slow Day Poll
 

Actually, it woudln't be a double-bogey, it would be an X. Partner should have gone back and re-taken shot-that-went-OB from the spot it was hit, adding 2 strokes. Failure to do so = no score.

Slow Day Poll
 

That is so hot, golf rule timmy boy.

Tasty Carbs
 

thanks to atticus and the good people at TNT, the theme song from 'Bloodsport' will now be running through my head all morning. Except in place of 'Kumite", it'll be 'Cru-di-tes'. bastages.

this may be a sign that working today really isn't that good of an idea.

For my next impression, Jesse Owens.
 

amazing how much he looks like Wayne Brady in that pic

Slow Day Poll
 

I was thinking the same thing. But then I realized that I want him to the secure movie rights for The Great American Novel I occasionally think about writing, so I refrained. Or a miniseries, maybe. My in-my-head-only TGAN is a sprawling, multi-generational epic, so it just SCREAMS miniseries. Can we get Richard Chamberlain?

As for stuff I will never do again, I've done a lot of stupid things in my life, but nothing immediately comes to mind as being worthy of the FB. Or it's stuff that is no longer applicable. Won't ever again pick a major based upon what the hot chick in line ahead of me at the freshman advisory desk chose? I can safely say that I won't do that again. Won't ever again think that a "Fuck Art: Let's Dance!" t-shirt is appropriate attire for a grandmother's birthday? Done.

Slow Day Poll
 

You have those rights upon creation of TGAN. Just don't grant them to anybody and they're all yours.

That'll be $775 please. Oh wait, I'm in house. Crap. Speaking of being in-house, I failed to report a celebrity interaction last week. At a fabulous Hollywood premiere, Ed Begley Jr. and his wife were sitting nearby. On the way out of the theater walking down the stairs to the party, I found myself stuck in foot traffic right next to Ed Begley Jr., so I introduced myself to him saying, "you might not remember me, but I was your teammate on Pyramid a couple of years ago." He then started to recall how Kathy Nijimy kicked his ass. Trying to be diplomatic, I vaguely recounted how he had in fact helped me win some money. What I didn't say was that he helped me win some money by being so bad, that when I was partnered wtih Kathy, and my opponent was partnered with Ed, we won so easily that it didn't even require a 3d round for me to get to the Winner's Circle.

That is all. Except for this: http://entimg.msn.com/i/150/ce/apr2/...jr_150x207.jpg

Slow Day Poll
 

I will never again ignore basic rules of physics involving projectiles and (apparently) immobile objects. Especially when people are around.

I will never again convince myself that this year is different and the Red Sox can win the World Series.

I will never, ever sock (again?).

I will not pay a lot for that muffler.

And, I will never again go IN against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

Slow Day Poll
 

But will you go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line?


Not a wise move, or so I've heard.

Slow Day Poll
 

And I will never, ever again care in the least whether some timmy insists on flyspecking every damn post on an internet chat board.

Right after I go back and fix that one.

You know what's great?
 

Going out Wednesday, getting a little saucy, having a hangover on Thursday, going out on Thursday, getting a little saucy, and NOT having a hangover on Friday b/c your body is adjusting to the cycle. Moreover, it just gets better for this weekend. I have a huge drinking weekend coming up and my body has already done it's stretches and warm-up drills. I can't wait to see what kind of hangover I don't have tomorrow. Good times!

Shit, is this going to backfire on me? Am I not following the bender code by speaking of it?

Slow Day Poll
 

1. I will never again tell a bunch of people, hey, why don't you follow me around the Internet. I get other people to do it.

2. I will never again try to debate homosexuality and the bible with anyone. I get other people to do it.

3. I will never again give an interview to law.com or any of it's subsidiaries. I tell everyone not to do it.

4. I will never again stand for 6 hours, in the hot July sun, with a video camera, filming protesters, which resulted in getting my ass hauled into court as a witness on 3 different occasions (and counting.) I get other people to do it (but in shifts.)

Slow Day Poll
 

Galatians 6:7.