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-   The Fashionable (http://www.lawtalkers.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?f=14)
-   -   Drive fast, live hard, no regrets... Sorry Penske (http://www.lawtalkers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=701)

Gattigap 08-25-2005 12:38 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ltl/fb


And, on a related note, I'm shocked to hear that you sleep in clothing even though you never wear underwear during the day. My whole image of you has changed.
The sacrifices made in the name of a high threadcount are all too real.

ltl/fb 08-25-2005 12:39 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Gattigap
The sacrifices made in the name of a high threadcount are all too real.
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

Spooky's in Coltrane's wedding?

notcasesensitive 08-25-2005 12:40 PM
Malcolm Gladwell article
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Sparklehorse
Actually an important theme to Diamond's book (as I read it although I admit I got bored halfway through and put it down and haven't picked it back up) is that it's not too late for us to fix things.
Did you get bored during the Greenland Norse part? My, how he droned on there. I promise you it got much better once he got through with that. If need be, skip to the end of that section and start again. Right after the shiny glossy pictures.

greatwhitenorthchick 08-25-2005 12:41 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Not Bob
I take it more as being directed at the media/fashion industry, and the airbrushing and editing that creates a false image. Like that Jamie Lee Curtis (where is bilmore, anyway?) thing from a few years ago -- where she did a photo spread showing the difference between the original pictures and how they looked post editing. Or the Kate Winslet ass-trimming on the cover of Vogue or whatever.

That being said, I kinda hope that this doesn't devolve into the usual "fat people should be shot" thread that we seem to create here every so often.
Remember, I am dating someone who is hairy, chubby and poor. I was not trying to be fattist.

Sparklehorse 08-25-2005 12:42 PM
New Rule
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Things are looking up for Coltrane! Who knew all this fun was in front of me! I am already anticitipating Wife #2! I hope she has big jugs.
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
The female orgasm is such a better gig. When you're a young guy, having a dream like that involves getting changed afterward, and lots of kleenex. When you're in your 30s, you don't even get those dreams any more.
No more sex dreams either! Yay for you!

NotFromHere 08-25-2005 12:43 PM
New Rule
 
Quote:
Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
Are you over five feet?
In real life - yes. On the internet I'm 6'11.

spookyfish 08-25-2005 12:43 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ltl/fb
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

Spooky's in Coltrane's wedding?
Who said anything about a wedding?

ltl/fb 08-25-2005 12:44 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
Remember, I am dating someone who is hairy, chubby and poor. I was not trying to be fattist.
Define "chubby." And "hairy."

Oliver_Wendell_Ramone 08-25-2005 12:45 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Not Bob
Like that Jamie Lee Curtis (where is bilmore, anyway?) thing from a few years ago -- where she did a photo spread showing the difference between the original pictures and how they looked post editing.
You mean before and after they airbrushed out her penis?

Not Bob 08-25-2005 12:46 PM
Advice requested.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by spookyfish
Okay. So this coming weekend, I may or may not be involved in certain traditional festivities involving a friend of mine from law school, which may or may not involve me getting up in front of a group of people who may or may not be drunk and speaking about/giving best wishes to said friend and said friend's significant other.
I'd avoid trying to be too funny -- a brief and bland witticism along the lines of "if you had told his law school classmates that a chick like Muffy would even give Skip the time of day, much less agree to spend the rest of her life with him, they would have laughed you out of the room" is about as far as you should go in terms of humor.

Don't be too maudlin (a danger for me while I am drunk), but throw something romantic and sweet in there -- maybe something like "I see Skip and Muffy together, and I know how happy they are to have found each other. And, knowing them, I know how happy they both are to have us here to see them officially become a couple, and to celebrate their vows with them."

No hints (much less actual comments) about the hot sex they had in the limo/will have in the coat room in 5 minutes/joining the Mile High Club/etc.

And keep it short.

sebastian_dangerfield 08-25-2005 12:48 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Bad_Rich_Chic
"Curvy," which was the main replacement for "full figured," is going the same way, thanks in no small part to "Real Women Have Curves," a great movie but one in which the women didn't so much have curves as sphericalness. "Womanly" is up next.
"Curves" is one of those creepy words thhats supposed to somehow empower the person bearing the curves.

I never understood society's attempt to make people feel better, which is what that flick, and things like it, attempt. So you're fat. Every pot has a lid. You'll find somebody. There's no need to go running around saying "I'm what a REAL woman is." Because thats not true. Real people come in all sorts of sizes. Those "feel good about yourself" campaigns dumb people down. Why can't I claim to be hot as Brad Pitt? Because I'm not. And I won't be, ever. And saying something silly, like "I'm a real man and Pitt's a Ken Doll" is just absurd.

He's fucked Angelina. He's more a man than I can ever, ever be.

Not Bob 08-25-2005 12:48 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
Remember, I am dating someone who is hairy, chubby and poor. I was not trying to be fattist.
I know you weren't.

(and I prefer to be called "husky")

Oliver_Wendell_Ramone 08-25-2005 12:49 PM
Advice requested.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Not Bob
I'd avoid trying to be too funny -- a brief and bland witticism along the lines of "if you had told his law school classmates that a chick like Muffy would even give Skip the time of day, much less agree to spend the rest of her life with him, they would have laughed you out of the room" is about as far as you should go in terms of humor.

Don't be too maudlin (a danger for me while I am drunk), but throw something romantic and sweet in there -- maybe something like "I see Skip and Muffy together, and I know how happy they are to have found each other. And, knowing them, I know how happy they both are to have us here to see them officially become a couple, and to celebrate their vows with them."

No hints (much less actual comments) about the hot sex they had in the limo/will have in the coat room in 5 minutes/joining the Mile High Club/etc.

And keep it short.
And here I was gonna suggest a riff on the Aristocrats joke featuring Coltrane and Sequels, I mean Skip and Muffy.

Not Bob 08-25-2005 12:49 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Oliver_Wendell_Ramone
You mean before and after they airbrushed out her penis?
I think she had pants on in the photo spread, but yes.

Where is bilmore, anyway?

sebastian_dangerfield 08-25-2005 12:52 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ltl/fb
It feels good though, right? And you had them a lot? I've only had this happen a handful of times.

And, on a related note, I'm shocked to hear that you sleep in clothing even though you never wear underwear during the day. My whole image of you has changed.
Oh, you're taking me back waaaay into history. But yes, it feels good. then you wake up and say "Fuuuuuuuck. I gotta clean this shit."

I used to sleep naked. Now its boxers. Sometimes its naked. But I tend to slepp above the covers a lot, and I keep the A/C cranked, so sleeping naked is tough in the Summer. Winter I sleep naked a lot.

No. No. No. I never, ever, sleep in just a t shirt. Yeccch.

ThurgreedMarshall 08-25-2005 12:53 PM
Advice requested.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by spookyfish
I am a little rusty in terms of what makes a good speech/best wishes message for such an event, and I'm interested in hearing any suggestions about how this might be as meaningful/painless for everybody as possible.
Stay away from "the groom always loved full-figured women."

TM

ThurgreedMarshall 08-25-2005 12:56 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Not Bob
That being said, I kinda hope that this doesn't devolve into the usual "fat people should be shot" thread that we seem to create here every so often.
Fat people are funny. But we shouldn't kill them.

TM

Did you just call me Coltrane? 08-25-2005 12:56 PM
Advice requested.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Not Bob
I'd avoid trying to be too funny -- a brief and bland witticism along the lines of "if you had told his law school classmates that a chick like Muffy would even give Skip the time of day, much less agree to spend the rest of her life with him, they would have laughed you out of the room" is about as far as you should go in terms of humor.

Don't be too maudlin (a danger for me while I am drunk), but throw something romantic and sweet in there -- maybe something like "I see Skip and Muffy together, and I know how happy they are to have found each other. And, knowing them, I know how happy they both are to have us here to see them officially become a couple, and to celebrate their vows with them."

No hints (much less actual comments) about the hot sex they had in the limo/will have in the coat room in 5 minutes/joining the Mile High Club/etc.

And keep it short.
I actually have to be very conservative with my speech given the nature of both families.

Or do I?

Did you just call me Coltrane? 08-25-2005 12:57 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Fat people are funny. But we shouldn't kill them.

TM
Why? They would surely eat you if you were stranded on a desert island with them.

NotFromHere 08-25-2005 12:58 PM
Advice requested.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by spookyfish
Okay. So this coming weekend, I may or may not be involved in certain traditional festivities involving a friend of mine from law school, which may or may not involve me getting up in front of a group of people who may or may not be drunk and speaking about/giving best wishes to said friend and said friend's significant other. Did I mention that the group of people of whom I am speaking may or may not be friends or relatives of my friend and said friend's significant other? Did I also mention that I don't actually know many of these people besides said friend and said friend's significant other?

I am a little rusty in terms of what makes a good speech/best wishes message for such an event, and I'm interested in hearing any suggestions about how this might be as meaningful/painless for everybody as possible.

Did I also mention that I may or may not be drunk by then and I am trying to avoid any catastrophes of Costanzian proportions?

Any advice is greatly appreciated.
If these people are drunk they want to hear at least 1 funny story concerning you and the friend. Maybe even one that includes the significant other. And hopefully, slightly embarassing - but not too embarrassing.

And if they're drunk they'll have a short attention span. Plan your speech as if Sebby were there. You'll be able to predict exactly when people will tune out. That's when you say "thank you, good night."

nononono 08-25-2005 12:59 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
Oh, you're taking me back waaaay into history. But yes, it feels good. then you wake up and say "Fuuuuuuuck. I gotta clean this shit."

I used to sleep naked. Now its boxers. Sometimes its naked. But I tend to slepp above the covers a lot, and I keep the A/C cranked, so sleeping naked is tough in the Summer. Winter I sleep naked a lot.

No. No. No. I never, ever, sleep in just a t shirt. Yeccch.
Ew. Men should never sleep in just a tshirt. It's all wrong.

NotFromHere 08-25-2005 01:00 PM
Advice requested.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
I actually have to be very conservative with my speech given the nature of both families.

Or do I?
Why hold back? Why not give them a taste of the actual future with Coltrane?

ltl/fb 08-25-2005 01:00 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Why? They would surely eat you if you were stranded on a desert island with them.
Unlike you, sebby, TM likes receiving oral.

sebastian_dangerfield 08-25-2005 01:01 PM
Advice requested.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by spookyfish
Okay. So this coming weekend, I may or may not be involved in certain traditional festivities involving a friend of mine from law school, which may or may not involve me getting up in front of a group of people who may or may not be drunk and speaking about/giving best wishes to said friend and said friend's significant other. Did I mention that the group of people of whom I am speaking may or may not be friends or relatives of my friend and said friend's significant other? Did I also mention that I don't actually know many of these people besides said friend and said friend's significant other?

I am a little rusty in terms of what makes a good speech/best wishes message for such an event, and I'm interested in hearing any suggestions about how this might be as meaningful/painless for everybody as possible.

Did I also mention that I may or may not be drunk by then and I am trying to avoid any catastrophes of Costanzian proportions?

Any advice is greatly appreciated.
3 bourbons, good. 5, bad.

Good: "So then I see Tim running for the car, and the goat is chasing him, and the whole thing was such a hoot..."

Bad: "So then she, uh... yeh, she says 'I got this goat behind the barn, and for fifty American dollars...'"

Reallly Bad: "And Tim was tripping soooo fucking hard... I mean, REALLY losing his shit..."

Deserving The Hook: "I've never seen anyone drive that fucking drunk before... Tim can survive anything... I mean anything! I love you, Tim!"

ABBAKiss 08-25-2005 01:05 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by greatwhitenorthchick
Remember, I am dating someone who is hairy, chubby and poor. I was not trying to be fattist.
Nor was I, for the record. I was simply seeking a definition.

ETA: I am dating someone who is smooth and muscular.

sebastian_dangerfield 08-25-2005 01:05 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ltl/fb
Unlike you, sebby, TM likes receiving oral.
He's Past Sebby. I'm present Sebby. Past Sebby has never made any mention of his like or dislike of oral.

ThurgreedMarshall 08-25-2005 01:06 PM
Advice requested.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
I actually have to be very conservative with my speech given the nature of both families.
Why? Is it a fatty wedding?

TM

Not Bob 08-25-2005 01:06 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ltl/fb
Unlike you, sebby, TM likes receiving oral.
Confidential to fringey:

Pssst. That was coltrane, sweetie, not sebby.

sebastian_dangerfield 08-25-2005 01:07 PM
Advice requested.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by NotFromHere
If these people are drunk
If they're not, you shouldn't be there.

ltl/fb 08-25-2005 01:08 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Not Bob
Confidential to fringey:

Pssst. That was coltrane, sweetie, not sebby.
Dammit.

Bad_Rich_Chic 08-25-2005 01:08 PM
Advice requested.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by spookyfish
Okay. So this coming weekend, I may or may not be involved in certain traditional festivities involving a friend of mine from law school, which may or may not involve me getting up in front of a group of people who may or may not be drunk and speaking about/giving best wishes to said friend and said friend's significant other. Did I mention that the group of people of whom I am speaking may or may not be friends or relatives of my friend and said friend's significant other. Did I also mention that I don't actually know many of these people beside said friend and said friend's significant other?

I am a little rusty in terms of what makes a good speech/best wishes message for such an event, and I'm interested in hearing any suggestions about how this might be as meaningful/painless for everybody as possible.

Did I also mention that I may or may not be drunk by then and I am trying to avoid any catastrophes of Costanzian proportions?

Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Short and sweet. There is nothing wrong with confining your best wishes to: "To the bride and groom."

If you really feel you need something more, say something like:

"All of your friends and family here today are so pleased you found each other and make each other so happy, and we're glad we could celebrate with you - To the bride and groom."

Anything longer or more involved than that will just risk embarassment and piss off people who have to stand there grinning & not drinking while you drone on.

Of course, when really wasted, I sometimes resort to Latin:

Gaudeamus igitur! (let us rejoyce - I love how concise Latin is)

or Klingon:

'IwlIj jachjaj (may your blood scream - sort of EEW-leeg jotch-JAJ)

or

reH nay'meylIjyIn Dujablu'jaj (may your meals always be served alive - good for dinners - sort of pronounced "Rech NIGH-uh-male-EEG-yin du-JAH-blue-uh-JAJ", the "uh"s are supposed to be golattal stops)

YMMV on how amusing anyone thinks that is.

Did you just call me Coltrane? 08-25-2005 01:10 PM
Advice requested.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by NotFromHere
Why hold back? Why not give them a taste of the actual future with Coltrane?
I'm not the groom.

My future ILs already know what's in store for them. Luckily, Sequels' sister's husband is such a douchebag that I can do no wrong. It's like having an older sibling who was so awful that he/she paved the way for you to be the golden child. That happened to me, too.

Did you just call me Coltrane? 08-25-2005 01:13 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
He's Past Sebby. I'm present Sebby. Past Sebby has never made any mention of his like or dislike of oral.
Do the hangovers get any worse?

spookyfish 08-25-2005 01:14 PM
Advice requested.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Why? Is it a fatty wedding?

TM
No. The parents have a goat farm.

Did you just call me Coltrane? 08-25-2005 01:15 PM
Advice requested.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
Why? Is it a fatty wedding?

TM
No, they're fucking Irish and Italian Catholics.

ThurgreedMarshall 08-25-2005 01:16 PM
Advice requested.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Bad_Rich_Chic
YMMV on how amusing anyone thinks that is.
I doubt it.

TM

sebastian_dangerfield 08-25-2005 01:16 PM
"Full Figured"
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
Do the hangovers get any worse?
They vanish. You strat knocking back a few beers and half a bottle of Ketel One every weekend and holiday night and you can hit the gym and run and workout for about an hour the next day before noon.

And you're not going to get lung problems from the smoke.


NotFromHere 08-25-2005 01:16 PM
Advice requested.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
No, they're fucking Irish and Italian Catholics.
Oh, then for sure bring up the time when you were an altar boy and you and father O'Reilly went on that outing.

ltl/fb 08-25-2005 01:18 PM
Gmail
 
How do I get a gmail account to use for http://www.google.com/talk/

sebastian_dangerfield 08-25-2005 01:19 PM
Advice requested.
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Did you just call me Coltrane?
No, they're fucking Irish and Italian Catholics.
Exclusively?


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