A question
 

We're getting a lot of personal bests around here lately. I'm going to have to step it up a notch or two.

yay
 

"First, I'd like to thank my mockie manager, my mockie agent, and my mockie publicist for all their work dealing with all the mockies out here in Mockiewood. I'd like to thank my makeup person, a Gay and a Fat, but not a Rude Fat, for repairing all the damage I always manage to do the night before. And a special thank you to Raj, my yoga instructor who also does my document review, which allows me the free time to keep performing. Namaste.

Who would have thought I would be hear today? I know some thought I was nothing more than a used up crazy spinster hag way past my sellby date with a parched desert sandbox for a vagina and a mantrapping ass. To those people, I say, "get over it slave. I am not obsessed by you. I just like the hairless cat pics."

To the rest of you, the little people, I know I am expected to thank you. However, I see little to thank you for. Without me, you are nothing. I am The Paigow. Somebody bring me a drink so I can get drunk enough to fuck the valet. He is a Black"

yay
 

The voice is spot-on - but far, far too few typos.

It's the New Von Dutch
 

Surely someone has already pointed this out, but there's no way flower would wear something with such abominable misuse of the subjunctive.

Pfft.


Why would anyone ruin an otherwise-lovely t-shirt?!? Why, Bilmore, why?!?

Job opening
 

You know, I had to get to the word "said" until I realized you were not talking about a feline.

At least, I think you are not talking about a feline -- unless you have a magical talking cat, that is.

Job opening
 

You're not on the bus?

Job opening
 

You're both wrong. The one who could pass is the furniture guy (but for the fact that he's an interior decorator).

Job opening
 

Is it sad, or otherwise worrisome, that I didn't even blink over the above acronym, and understood it perfectly and immediately? In fact, I had to scroll back to see that it even was an acronym.

yay
 

Pay attention, class. Note gwinky's correct use of the subjunctive. Gwinky can teach us all so much. Subjunctive is just the tip of the iceberg.

yay
 

Will this be on the final?

yay
 

You know what? I'm not going to note it.

yay
 

Thank you!

This weekend, I kickboxed for five hours and got kicked in the head twice, then did some high-quality legal work, then went to a barbecue where everyone was at least 5 years younger, played a drinking game called "flip cup" (I KICKED ASS, btw), drank some more, then did some more high-quality legal work, then had lots and lots of sex with a guy who may or may not be my boyfriend.

You all have SO much to learn from me.

yay
 

I wish I was you!

Except for the getting kicked in the head part, and the legal work part, and the having sex with your maybe-boyfriend part. NTTAWWT.

yay
 

Sorry you had to work this weekend. Maybe next weekend will be better.

yay
 

I'm so happy you called it "flip cup" and not "flippy cup". That made my morning.