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Are you trying to make all the subjunctive timmies cry? It's only Monday morning, man. Show a little compassion!

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My mother said the same thing when I told her what I did on Saturday. She's very proud of the way her little girl turned out.

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That doesn't count as sex, married or not.

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That's not a good shabbos; that's a great shabbos!

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Shhhh - I'm trying to get dtb to yell at me. It hurts so good!

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Good grief. Are all of the chicks here grammar timmies?

It seems to be true in real life, too. Based upon my detailed scientific observations, there seems to be a high timmy/lawyer correlation with chicks. Much higher for lawyers than for other careers. (Probably true for guys, too, but who cares?)

Weird. Or not, maybe.

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Must we publicy air our private moments? You are so going to get it, mister.

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Chicks, cats - it's like a zoot suit riot in here. What's come over you? It's that sebby boy, isn't it?

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How is the quality of your legal work under ordinary circumstances?

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While sebby is indeed a bad influence, ever since someone yelled at me about using "chicks" a long time ago, I've tried to use the term whenever possible. It reinforces my old and more than a little bit out of hep schtick.

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What was out of the ordinary about the circumstances she described?

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I specialize in dazed and/or drunken lawyering, so those were ordinary circumstances. The work is always high-quality.

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Well, if you're bad at math and physics, grammar is about the only thing you have left.

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So, tell us, Coltrane, what do you do if you're bad at all of them? (Try to avoid the obvious answer of "Become a lawyer." Extra credit for creativity.)

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Run for office.