Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

Merde!!!! Spoiler Alert!?!?!?!?

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

Yesterday my wife asked me if I would have any objection to her ordering a "how-to-have-better-sex" video series. I told her I would only go along with it if the video series met one of two criteria -- either the series must be personally endorsed by Fred McGriff, or the series must have been used by "back-to-back-to-back" national love making champions. I don't think she got the joke. Can you explain it to her? Also, is there something wrong with me that my wife is asking me to take lessons on love making? Should I care more than I do?
-- Greg, Seattle, WA

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

Greg sux.

I don't know why I'm so surprised
 

Quantum electrodynamics?

Huh?

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

Maybe. But he's funny.

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

I didn't get it, so it wasn't funny to me. And the guy doesn't even like making love to his wife. What a looser.

Friday Timewaster
 

Safe for work - unless you work at Disney or something:

http://www.transbuddha.com/mediaHolder.php?id=722

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

I didn't get it either. And Fred McGriff's a lousy tipper.

Greg sux in many dimensions.

Real women need to be airbrushed.

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

Greg is mocking a commercial (for a youth baseball instructional video series) that plays ad nauseum on ESPN.

http://www.sportscenteraltar.com/phr...age.asp?ID=386

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

What?

Not Halle. Damn hot, laugh lines or no.

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

Oh. Sorry.

Greg is mocking the Tom Emanksi commercial, which has Fred McGriff (a not terribly charismatic baseball player) endorsing a video to teach kids how to play baseball. Tom's teams, according to his commercial, have won back to back to back titles.

So, that's why coltrane said that Greg was funny. Of course, unless Greg is kidding about the conversation with his wife, he's still an idiot, though, and apparently Not Good in the sack,

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

The commercial has literally been running on ESPN for over ten years. If you don't watch sports, you won't understand it.

Plus, you are stupid.

Happy Friday!

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

I don't think that's a good use of "literally."

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

Mother fuckity fucker fucking fucker fuckass assfucking pro se fucker.

eta that is not directed at you, gwinky. it's more of an explanation for when I'm found dead from simultaneous explosion of all blood vessels in my body.

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

Usually that's the woman's fault. No offense.

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

I wanted to make sure you didn't think I was exaggerating.

For example, if you were to say "I have taken it in the ass hundreds of times", I would think you might be exaggerating. However, if you said "I have literally taken it in the ass hundreds of times", I would not think you were exaggerating and would believe that you have actually taken it in the ass hundreds of times.

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

You are more of a dumbass that I ever thought. Kudos.

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

I don't get "Happy Friday."

If you want to not insult, then don't. If you want to insult, then do. But insulting, then making this "when in Rome..." type apology- I just don't think it seemly.

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

QED. This is how someone who really wants to insult plays the same card.

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

Do you count anal DPs as one time or two?

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

I wanted to insult BECAUSE it's Friday. Cause and effect.

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

Unpossible. One cannot get any dumber than me. Unless you are SS.

Do I win a date with dtb for this?
 

Misplaced modifier. It would mean you have had actual (not figurative) anal penetration, and have done so, figuratively, hundreds of times.

You were looking for "I have taken it in the ass literally hundreds of times." Or, if you really want precision, "I have literally taken it in the ass literally hundreds of times." Or you could shorten it down to "Just stick it in my ass already."

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

You are the Camus of DPs.

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

We are metaphorically neck and neck.

Do I win a date with dtb for this?
 

Impressive!

How are you at other things?

Do I win a date with dtb for this?
 

Look out SS, it looks like she has a wandering eye.

Do I win a date with dtb for this?
 

I don't think it's my eye he's worried about.

Do I win a date with dtb for this?
 

She's just punishing SS for being AWOL by flirting with others.

Do I win a date with dtb for this?
 

Doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home.

Do I win a date with dtb for this?
 

So he wanted me to be sure to know that the ad had been running, not walking?

What a dumbass.

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

Both these posters leave when they can't pass the minimum IQ test that Paigow sets up when she takes over the Forum. Incredibly they try and "help" each other study.

It turns out to be about as effective as asking Hank for tips on social interaction.

Do I win a date with dtb for this?
 

I am completely monogamous on the internet.

Do I win a date with dtb for this?
 

I should rephrase. dtb is flirting with others to punish SS for being AWOL.

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.

eta: New Board Motto!! LOL!

Do I win a date with dtb for this?
 

Well, SS has simply been away writing grammar porn. That'll keep her coming back home to eat.

Something I learned from SportsGuy's mailbag
 

It's unseemly to nominate one's own phrase as a new board motto. FYI

Also sort-of unCanadian, if you are still looking for tips on behaviour.