Sports Betting Heart Attack
 

You think he looks good for his age? I think he's one of the homeliest men alive. I will grant you he doesn't look 40, but I also think he looks like one of those stupid cartoon monkeys that German designer was plastering all over t-shirts for young Eurotrash and Japanese girls in the 80s.

Sports Betting Heart Attack
 

With car-wreck fascination I watched part of the Eagles "farewell concert" yesterday afternoon on NBC. It was odd hearing Joe Walsh singing about going to parties sometimes until four and how everybody's so different but he hasn't changed just moments after singing a song about how he's living life one day at a time.

Sports Betting Heart Attack
 

I thought you swallowed? What else are you using as a moisturizer?

Sports Betting Heart Attack
 

Humidity, bay-be. Humidity.

Bald exes.
 

Most of my exes are now bald (or at least tonsured). And have pot bellies.

Except for the one who looks exactly the same. He's a musical theater actor in the midwest and is living with a guy named Chad.

Men with grandma earrings
 

I finally have to ask: what is it with young (late teens, early 20s) African American men wearing earrings that look like they came out of my grandma's costume jewelry drawer? I'm not talking about the sports-star-wanna-be 5 carat stud things, I'm talking about big pave knot or flower designs the size of a nickle. The guy on the train this morning was actually wearing a CLIP ON. Seriously, my grandma got one just like it from her Avon lady in about 1962.

And it didn't go very well with his "Thug Life" T-shirt with a rhinestone covered picture of TuPak flipping the bird.

Men with grandma earrings
 

I believe this may be the wrong crowd to ask. I'm not sure that there's anyone left under 30.

Sports Betting Heart Attack
 

Is your hair puffy?

Bald exes.
 

Why is that so many men equate personal maintenance with being a fruitcake or metrosexual? Half my friends look like shit and they all gripe when they hear any of us go to the gym and keep appearances up. Is it wrong to want to remain the same? I don't get these cats I know who decide 35 is time to grow four waist sizes and talk about wide screen televisions and which bar has the best sliders.

What really confuses me is a lot of these slugs have hot wives who still look damn good. I always wonder how they screw these slovenly men.

And what happens to these guys when they get divorced? What sort of woman does a pot bellied, bald 37 year old slug shoot for? What does one call this hopeless creature (an animal identifier like "cougar")? Are these guys just shunned from the tribe and left to whittle away their lives in apartments, amidst beer cans, pizza boxes and a wide screen plasma, like Milhouse's Dad?

Sports Betting Heart Attack
 

FLUFFY, not puffy. The operative word is fluffy.

Which, I'm sure coincidentally, is also another way of saying "festive."

Sports Betting Heart Attack
 

No, but it's very curly today.

Bald exes.
 

You are so gay.

Men with grandma earrings
 

Rhinestones, grandma earrings, flower designs... uh, you might want to add the qualifier "What is it with FLAMING GAY African American men..."

Bald exes.
 

I thought chicks really like chubby guys?

Bald exes.
 

But I have luscious hair.

I wish. I'd have gotten major fucking ass if I were gay.

Bald exes.
 

What's wrong with widescreens?

Bald exes.
 

Question: do you think gym/cardio = not fat slob?

Men with grandma earrings
 

True, but I have the T-shirt she referenced. But I skip the grandma jewelry and just go with a gold loop earing above my left eyebrow.

Bald exes.
 

They lose 40 pounds and going trolling for dates on Internet chat boards.

Bald exes.
 

You are the wind beneath our wings. I think I will have bacon on that burger after all.

Bald exes.
 

No. I think if you do cardio, you're an extra fat slob.

Sports Betting Heart Attack
 

And where do balding, pot-bellied, 40 year old metrosexuals WITH FAILING MEMORIES find love?

Bald exes.
 

No, they find a "tick-tock-tick" 30-something wannabe baby machine who's ready to immediately settle down and only needs a new white dress.

Sports Betting Heart Attack
 

Penske, you pathetic fuck, this is the type of uber-meta-sock-drivel that has destroyed this board and sent the more quality posters fleeing to the Big Board and Spanky-land. Disguising it as self-deprecation does not change the result.

RT, can't he be banned!?!?!?

Fashion Emergency
 

I just noticed that I am wearing two different shoes.

Bald exes.
 

Sweetums!!! Come to mama!

Fashion Emergency
 

This gets worse after the baby.
There was a woman I worked with that did the 2 different shoes all the time. She ended up buying many pairs of shoes as a result. The funniest one was where she came to work in her slippers and said she didn't notice until she was half-way to work. By then it was too late to turn around. She blamed the hectic schedule - getting kids ready for school, blah blah blah. Get ready to find yourself wearing slippers to work.

Ben Affleck
 

Is this like that stuff from the eighties that was purchasable in supermarkets and if you wore it, strange men would suddenly give you flowers?

Ben Affleck. What is his currrent price in Hollywood? Has his last bomb sealed his fate? Does he need a quick buck to cover his betting habit?

I am strangely pleased that he and JHo both pretty much wrecked their careers.

While I am musing,. my mother pointed out to me that JHo has had everthing done to her face possible. Even I didn't catch this (besides the procedure to get rid of her acne scars that were visible in Out of Sight). Maybe if I am motivated I will find a pic of her from ten years ago and compare.

Can you tell I am tired?

Fashion Emergency
 

When I said "shoes," I was using the term loosely. I am actually wearing two different slippers to work.

Fashion Emergency
 

You can still see your feet?

Bald exes.
 

He said 30-something. Dreamer.

Fashion Emergency
 

The whiffocrisy of this post is astounding.

Hee. Way to go random New Orleans guy. I hope your dogs stay dry.

ETA: spree, link to video of exchange

ETAA: I hope this starts a trend everytime a reporter asks a stupid question. "How did it feel to lose your child in a tragic skiing accident?" "None of your fucking buisness." "How does it feel to win the Super Bowl?" "None of your fucking business."

Fashion Emergency
 

The only time this ever happened to me was in law school. During second year, while interviewing with a particularly white shoe firm, I looked down and realised I had on one black pump and one navy pump.

So don't go blaming this kind of crap on motherhood.

Fashion Emergency
 

The post-hoc-ness of this declaration of whiffocrisy is astounding.

Fashion Emergency
 

Now this is simply pathetic.

The whole point of my original post was that I couldn't see my feet when I put on my shoes.


("And what's more, Madam, sometime this fall I will be able to see my feet again.")

The Comeback (Don't Call It A Comeback!)
 

To out str8 NCS, the guy who plays the other show-runner (the less fat one, Rob Bagnell) went to Tisch with my wife. We used to hang out some, but she doesn't much like her old college friends, so we don't see him much any more. He wasn't even invited to the bris. But I think he's pretty funny on that show, even if the show is pretty much crap.

Fashion Emergency
 

I think I've documented here a couple of times occassions where I've mismatched shoes and/or forgotten essential undergarments.

No kids. That I know of.

Fashion Emergency
 

Then how did you notice just now? Did you deflate? I just assumed you were referencing the pregnancy-induced stuporous mornings of which NFH spake. If I whiffed, twas unintentional, and I claim the pregnancy ambiguity exception.

("And if you wre my wife, I'd drink it.")

The Comeback (Don't Call It A Comeback!)
 

You didn't invite him to watch some smelly old fart cut the cuff off your kid's dick? Man, that's just some cold shit.