Metawonkawhiff
 

Bring it ON!

Metawonkawhiff
 

Please don't.

We are busy discussing snipping off a little bit of our penises.

I Hate My Parents
 

Like "Flying Squirrel" or "Cabbage"? I prefer "Hanging Brain" myself...

I Hate My Parents
 

If only I had known this before hooking up with that French guy.

Rather an unpleasant shock, really.

I Hate My Parents
 

Why do you think the goyishe girls haven't thought of this?

So then THAT happened.....
 

.

I Hate My Parents
 

Hmmm...

Protestant:
"Lay on your back and think of England."

Catholic:
"If it feels really good, you'll get this thing called an orgasm. If you get that, you're going to hell."

I Hate My Parents
 

The first one for me was a cute Swiss guy I fooled around with my sophomore year in college.

Marcus was simultaneously involved with me and one of my best friends, and thought we didn't know about it. And she and I used to torture him by showing up at places he'd be with the other one of us.

We eventually had enough of him when he started to date a girl whose nickname (which is the only thing I remember about her) was "The Red Spread".

So then THAT happened.....
 

This... is what men... err, Penske... need when they don't have foreskin.

I Hate My Parents
 

I remember thinking -- oh, crap. What do I do with THIS?


That's just disgusting.

I Hate My Parents
 

Is it different when erect too, or only when flacid?

The word "flacid" actually makes me more flacid.

I Hate My Parents
 

Why would you think I saw it flaccid?


I can understand why. Incorrect spelling is a real turn-off.

I Hate My Parents
 

I don't care about your rule - I want the "why" on this one.

I Hate My Parents
 

You don't stay around to say thanks?

I Hate My Parents
 

Quite an ego there, eh?

I Hate My Parents
 

"In Betty Smith's A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, set at the turn of the century, a father is sent off to the bar by the household women so he doesn't have to hear his wife's cries of pain."

But just try leaving your cell phone number with the maternity ward nurse and see the looks you get. And it was ten cent wings too.

I Hate My Parents
 

Are you kidding? I was absolutely traumatized.

I Hate My Parents
 

My recollection is that she had red hair. Beyond that, I really don't remember.

I Hate My Parents
 

Diet Coke. Keyboard.

Brava.

I Hate My Parents
 

Oh, crap. You have ruined my day.

I Hate My Parents
 

I am told that even though it wasn't customary back then, my dad was allowed in the delivery room because he was a physician on staff in that hospital. My mom says during her ungodly number of hours of labor, he'd check in, see how much progress had been made, and leave again to "go see patients." He left instructions with the delivery nurses to page him when it came closer to showtime. I think he was there when I was born, but my memory of the day is a little blurry.

ETA: It may be relevant to this story that when my dad did his ob/gyn rotation in med school, he had a 25% drop rate in the four deliveries he performed. He says newborns are a more slippery than you'd think.

I Hate My Parents
 

This is why the maternity ward should be stocked exclusively with male nurses:

"So how far along is she?"

"Look, Mr. Smith, she's pretty dilated. Could be an hour, could be half a day. You got some magazines?"

"I have a video camera. I want to memorialize this..."

"Whoa, whoa there Fellini... Look, the missus has some nice equipment. No doubt about it. But you don't want to see it in action like its going to be soon... You gotta cell #?"

"But I want to see my child being..."

"You remember when LT snapped Theisman's leg?"

"What? Well..."

"Ever seen Faces of Death?"

"What. Are. You. Talking. About!?"

"Look, buddy... Chuck and I got this under control. We'll call you when we see a head coming out. You go get a drink... Now what's that cell #?"

"555-453... Hey, is it safe for you to be writing that on your surgical glove?"

Bald exes.
 

Yes. It appears all my internet girlfriends have dumped me. I'm a peeved about it all, if the truth be told.

Bald exes.
 

How many internet girlfriends did you have?

I Hate My Parents
 

Punch "brava" into google. Are you sure "breast enhancement!" is what you meant to exclaim?

That system looks insanely painful and silly. "Brava works by literally sucking your breasts bigger." What technologist came up with that crap?

I Hate My Parents
 

So he could tell the chosen people from the ones who have to earn their way in.

Bald exes.
 

Never more than one or two at a time. It's not like I was a pastrami-flavored slut or anything.

I Hate My Parents
 

Remember what you told wonk a few days back about how he does the jokes 2 days after someone else did it better?

I Hate My Parents
 

I can speak authoritatively only for myself, but I suspect Gwink and dtb will mostly agree that I am mainly correct in saying that everyone has to earn his way in, cut or uncut.

In fact, some of the uncut ones have had an easier time of it, probably because of the accents.

I Hate My Parents
 

You are approaching the whiffing ability of Taxwonk himself. In fact, I don't want to get your hopes up to high, but with GGG gone we do need a new king of the whiff.

I Hate My Parents
 

Do you get why this part makes the rest of your post fantasy?

I Hate My Parents
 

No. People around the office refer to me as "Gomer Pyle, Esquire."

I Hate My Parents
 

Shazam shazam shazam.

I Hate My Parents
 

A technologist named Brava, perhaps?

I Hate My Parents
 

Do you feel that posting in the form of a question lets you off the hook of actually composing and typing a flame worth reading?

I Hate My Parents
 

Whooooa. That's. Heavy!

I Hate My Parents
 

Your fantasy, maybe. NTTAWWT. Fringey would probably like to hear more about it, but let's keep it to PM.

I Hate My Parents. And you.
 

Lay off the 'shrooms.

I Hate My Parents. And you.
 

And on anther note Dorthy's slippers were stolen

Thief steals slippers from `Wizard of Oz'


GRAND RAPIDS, MINNESOTA -- A pair of ruby slippers worn by Judy Garland in "The Wizard of Oz" and insured for $1 million is missing from a Grand Rapids museum.

Police Chief Leigh Serfling said the slippers were stolen late Saturday or early Sunday. Someone entered through a window and broke into a small display case holding the items.

John Kelsch, director of the Children's Discovery Museum, said the slippers belong to a Los Angeles man who lent them to the museum.

Four pairs of ruby slippers worn by the Grand Rapids-born Garland in the 1939 movie are known to exist, including one pair on display at the Smithsonian Institution

Minnesota. Hmmm, I wonder if Flower has smallish feet.
http://www.wfmy.com/assetpool/images...2232687900.jpg

I Hate My Parents
 

Word, baby.