Duelling
 

That was my thought, as well.

The OddMan's take is that it is never okay to take a shot at an ex -- whether an actual ex or a "she's mine all mine or at least someday will be" ex.

But then as I said, my friends are incestuous.

lies
 

Probably wise.

Because it isn't necessary to completely cut yourself off from your past just because you're now with someone else. Because if you are quite sure that it will be harmless, but won't be perceived as harmless, there is no point in giving yourself the headache. Because if you're actually friends with the ex, they deserve more than to be completely cut off. And yez, no SO deserves to be lied to, but if nothing is going to happen, they don't need to be told.

TM

lies
 

I think the essential disagreement between camps here is, you shouldn't be making that choice for her. The burden is on you to convince her that nothing is going to happen. Coincidently, that's a lot easier to do before you ever get caught the first time lying about an innocent meet.

lies
 

It is easier to say you want to meet with an ex and nothing is going on, so no worries, before you meet with the ex. If you have to give the same explanation after, the present s/o isn't going to believe you, s/he has no reason to and has every reason not to.

Most of my gf's have been friends with their exes. I've hung out with them and their exes. So I just don't see what the big deal is. Yes, I will want some information about how the relationship ended and whether there are still any romantic feelings there. But otherwise, who cares?

If you have an s/o who cannot handle you going out for a harmless drink with a harmless ex, that in itself is an issue that needs to be addressed. Because you are right, there is absolutely no reason to end a friendship with someone just because s/he is an ex.

There are all sorts of headaches in relationships, it is much better to deal with them before they become migraines.

lies
 

If you withhold info, you look like a liar with a reason to hide info anyway, even if you've actually done nothing wrong. Might as well just stagger in at 2am either freshly showered or covered in lip gloss.

And most guys in particular are too dim on emotional matters to lie convincingly about this sort of thing anyway.

lies
 

I once heard someone say the way to evaluate whether seeing someone merited the risk of being caught was the Victoria Principal principle. That is, is she so attractive that any risk would be worth the reward (I know the hypo wasn't actually cheating)?
VP wasn't THE hottest TV star back in the day, but she was very very attractive.
So anyway, I went to IMDB to check spelling, and this is her publicity photo!!!

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000595/

The women currently is pushing a line of skin care products. Her skin care products do not seem to have helped her.



Edited to provide link. You cannot show pictures from imdb. L

Duelling
 

Wait. Let me finish diagramming this out, and I'll get back to you.

Jeezus, this is like a friggin LSAT question.

Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them
 

I can't imagine that you will ever find a guy who will be able to understand what is right as you see it in that cracked head of yours.

TM

Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them
 

I have done the natural hat trick, and I get bonus points because it involved over 300 miles of travelling within the 24 hour span.

Never had threesome. Guess I never will. Life is cruel.

Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them
 

Both of your SOs had hot, material sex with their exes and lied to you about it.

TM

Duelling
 

No shit. I thinkit becomes easier if you realize the first paragraph about EHM and VARG are there to distract from the pugilists and call attention to E/O's ability to date, and then dump, desireable men.

But shit, maybe all the guys are just the oddman, who keeps hooking up with E/O in some weird ex-sex fantasy/role play deal.

We, indeed.

CYA memos
 

I give that shit to one of the kids who enjoys the library. You think I'm going to do that research? Get real. I'm on the ohone half the day and in court all the time.* You want a CYA letter? Talk to the nerd who writes our opinion letters. I'm just the mouthpiece who writes briefs and goes to Court.

* Excpet, obviously, the last three days...

Duelling
 

I figured I would need at least four more depth charges before I could make sense of all the acronyms.

Lies, and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them
 

I've been thinking about this the same way: I try not to do anything (SO related or otherwise) that I wouldn't want to do with my wife present (whether she is actually there or not). This reality check goes a long way. Since getting married, I have gone out for I night on the town with a particular SO a few times - but the baltspouse has come along at least half the time, and they are now good friends (it doesn't hurt that the SO is so obviously in love with her husband that baltspouse doesn't feel threatened).

The beginning of the end of my first marriage was more or less one of these lying incidents, although more of a misunderstanding. A co-worker at a new job went by a shortened version of her name that sounded male (lets call her Alex). I mentioned this fact to my wife the first couple of days there, but apparently it didn't sink in. Over the next couple of months, Alex and I would go grab lunch together a couple of times a week, as we were the two interns in the office. COMPLETELY platonic. I would mention to my wife occassionally something that "Alex" had said - a joke or whatever. Then my wife met Alexandra at a party, and went ballistic about how I was hiding from her the fact Alex was a woman, and so I must be cheating on her, etc. The marriage didn't end there, but I think the writing was on the wall at that point. Saddest part was that not only did I not cheat, I didn't even intentionally lie (which I think made it a really good lie, in the sense I couldn't be showing guilt, because I had none).

lies
 

Some people apparently prefer trepanation.