simple solution
 

I had a Cathy cartoon where she says picking at something didn't count as calories. That was in my pre-postspinster life.

Eureka!
 

Well, the screaming kids in the frozen food section is how I imagine it. Anyway, from Lauren Henderson (one of my favorite mystery writers):

• It's one of those songs that stays with you, and there's a very good reason for that. In fact this song is a perfect example of the return of the repressed; or, to put it another way, how a writer's declared intentions can be subverted by the hidden power of their own subtext. 'Never Been To Me' is overtly about how dangerous it is for women to charge around the world following their own selfish pleasures and how much better it is to bite the lip, stay at home and do what nature intended for us to do (breed). That, in any case, is what Ron THINKS he's here to tell us.
  
  Charlene begins by addressing one of the latter type of women, a stay-at-home mother in the middle of a pretty nasty bout of housewife blues.+
  
  "Hey lady, you lady, cursin' at your life.
  You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
  I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do.
  But I wish someone had talked to me like I wanna talk to you."
  
  We will return to the various phrases Charlene uses to describe the pissed-off homemaker later. But let us look first at the way she tries to convince the POH that the latter has made the right choice in life:
  
  "Oh, I've been to Nice and the Isles of Greece where I sipped champagne on a yacht.
  Moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I got.
  I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't s'posed to see.
  I've been to Paradise but I've never been to me."
  
  That the POH hasn't brained Charlene with a baby stroller by this point shows considerable restraint. There is nothing worse than someone who's had the kind of good time you haven't telling you it wasn't worth it after all, like supermodels complaining that they only get offered bimbo parts in movies. When Helena Bonhan Carter moaned in a Time Out interview that she always got the boring heroines and would love to play character roles, Kathy Burke wrote a famously blistering letter to Time Out pointing out that, as a self-proclaimed ugly cow, she wouldn't at all have minded Helena's dilemma. The more Charlene bangs on about having been undressed by kings, the more it makes any self-respecting POH desperate to shoot off to the Riviera and flaunt herself in a string bikini in the hope that some monarch with time on his hands will immediately summon her to his yacht and start peeling the macramé two-piece off her with his teeth.

http://www.tartcity.com/newdungeon.html

The call of the righteous
 

This just makes me miss RB.

TM

I was born in the wagon of a travelling show
 

Typical bullshit story from an anti-Celtic press. Sponsorless Celtic tops have been available since Carling became the sponsor and people didn't want to wear (or have their kids wear) the name of that Coors-owned piss. The other thing driving this story is that the huns are in a frenzy for media attention -- they won the league but Celtic is dominating the news with the new manager, possible signings, etc. Notice that they called Celtic for comment on the day they were holding Strachan's first press conference but act all surprised that no one was available to comment on their non-story.

By the way, are the Pistons still in the playoffs? Now that football season is over I might start following the basketball.

I was born in the wagon of a travelling show
 

2-a-days start later this summer. Thank god.

The call of the righteous
 

She's off having the macrame peeled off by a king's teeth. You're stuck with me.

Eureka!
 

You know, I was amazed when I learned on this board that I was not the only person in the entire universe who knew this song. Now I am amazed that someone wrote a piece on it.

The bottom line is that the goal in life is to first go to paradise then to go to you. The lesson here is to know that paradise is not eternal and, you gotta knw when to hold em, know when to fold em, kinda shit. Then you go to you when you are say 38 or so. A few good breeding years left, and if you could undress leisure monarchs, you can probably mantrap a statesider with what remains of your looks. Both Charlene and the POH are way too eggs in one basket. Shortsighted twats (hi slave!).

Less, look away.
 

I just read who won the National Spelling Bee.

I couldn't spell his name if I really, really tried.

Less, look away.
 

Ask for them to use it in a sentence.

Tact (or lack thereof)
 

"Fuck you, you black motherfuck!"

TM

Tact (or lack thereof)
 

One time I was in a DC cab (hi Mr. T!) with neighsayer, who is probably as white as it gets. We were going like four blocks bc of her shoes and i think she bitched about the dollar surcharge or some shit. The cabbie got enraged and called her a terrorist. It didnt make much sense.

Eureka!
 

Nothing happened. I'm just not comfortable with the "boyfriend" terminology. Maybe when I get divorced, if that ever happens - fucking state of new york.

Eureka!
 

You should move to Florida. There's no waiting period or required seperation here.

I'll have an extra room in about 3 weeks.

Eureka!
 

Two vomitoriums?

Eureka!
 

You pose an interesting question. Clearly you have been to paradise (i believe a hot tub in san diego full of lacrosse players and blow?) and you have been to you (brazenette). Where do you go next?

Eureka!
 

To paradise on alternating weekends and one weeknight a week. Otherwise I'm just sticking with me.

Eureka!
 

Three, actually. If you count the Brazenette's.

Eureka!
 

That is worth considering - thanks for the advice.

We are planning to go to the Dominican Republic - but my husband is hemming and hawing about a date when he can go (we have to both go). It's annoying.

Eureka!
 

Good luck to you. I have a relative who, for various reasons involving the laws of Canada, the UK, Kazakhstan, Russia, Equador and Finnland, somehow could not manage for about 7 years to obtain a divorce that would be recognized in all the various countries in which she and her husband resided and held citizenship. I couldn't believe it was that difficult, particularly since the divorce wasn't contested, but apparently the woes of globe-hoppers are greater than I imagine.

Thank you Less
 

For reminding me about the spelling bee. I was able to catch it from about round 8 on. Such a wide range of difficulty in the words, even on the championship list. For a while there, it seemed like Samir was getting all the easy words, and Aliya all the hard ones. And the final word was disappointingly easy, but non-musicians may disagree.

Magnus was quite interested for a while, even trying to figure out the spellings for himself. I think I see a bright future for my boy, though it's still a few years before he'll be eligible.

And I was quite excited when one of the words was one which had tripped me up in the state spelling competition lo these many years ago, and which is now forever engraved in my memory.

tm

Finally
 

http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/29/ar...n/29cara.html?

spree: good tv dvd that I tried to buy on ebay like two years ago

Eureka!
 

I thought that gwinky never called the guy her bf -- that he has consistently been her "maybe bf" or "non-bf" this whole time.

Re: myself, it's not that hard to have a sex life if you have essentially no standards.

Finally
 

That was a good series. Glad it's being released.

Tact (or lack thereof)
 

Indeed. Way to elevate the debate from the base level of the bitches and twats.

Tact (or lack thereof)
 

Got no time for the jibba jabba!

Eureka!
 

GWNC called him her maybe and then switched to not, so I was wondering what occasioned this. Seems like it was more a martial thing than anything in the relationship.

As for you, does this mean you are leaving the spinsterhood?

Eureka!
 

Just in case anyone was wondering, I'm firmly esconced in my spinsterhood. I'd get a cat if I thought the Displaced Dog wouldn't kill it.

Eureka!
 

Clarification -- one important standard is that talk is kept to a minimum and can't really be about anything serious. Someone got eliminated for refusing to shut his yap about libertarianism blah blah blah.

I think to exit spinsterhood you have to be in something that is a romantic/love relationship -- so, no, no plans to leave the spinsterhood.

Eureka!
 

I don't know you from Adam but your board persona of a gal who eats in bed next to the cats isnt jibing with gal about town making it with the low standard men.

are you banging less?

Eureka!
 

She is a member of the Shut Yer Damn Piehole School of dating and relationships.

(in fact, she may be more than just a member; she may be the President!)

Eureka!
 

Because a gal who eats in bed next to the cats is going to be making it with guys with high standards??

And the exception to "Shut Your Damn Piehole" is "Call If You Are Going To Be Late, Dammit, Or You Won't Be Invited Back."

ETA "dating and relationships"??? hahahahahhahahahahha.

Eureka!
 

Or if the piehole actually contains pie.

Eureka!
 

I don't condone chewing with the mouth open.

Spinster revisited
 

Now, I know the definition of spinster is a woman who does not marry by a certain age or some such victorian nonsense. But what I am not sure of is whether spinsters fuck. I sort of thought of a spinster as, in the words of the leader of our board and poster laureate, Slave , as a woman who lives alone in a dreary apartment and eats Haagen Dazs in front of the television night after night.

SO I am not sure if you are a spinster.

Tact (or lack thereof)
 

San Francisco Cocksucker

http://www.tvtome.com/images/people/11/2/61-13152.jpg

Spinster revisited
 

I dunno. I painted some walls red, so I don't think the apt is dreary, anyway. ETA I dunno if I'm a spinster.

ETA I say "motherfucker" all the time, but have never used "cocksucker."

Tact (or lack thereof)
 

Huh. He doesn't look like he's from San Francisco.

Spinster revisited
 

I am thinking of painting my bedroom walls a deep dusky pinkish color.

I am afraid my room will look like the inside of a vagina.

Tact (or lack thereof)
 

One resort in the Dominican Republic (hi GWNC!) my family patronized featured a Spanish magician who was the most racist performer I've ever seen. He made a joke about how he'd ask his black wife (also his on-stage assistant) to open her mouth and smile so that he could find her and the bed after he'd turn off the light in their bedroom.

Fucking Spaniards -- Remember The Maine!

Spinster revisited
 

I dont think, in all the years I have not known you, that you ahve posted about your erotic adventures, as low standard as they are. Please share. I dont want to have to ask sunny about her hot sweaty cocksucking reunion with Lunchbox, such as it may or may not be.