Football pool
 

He actually reminded me of DeNunzio from Caddyshack.

Confidential to Sebby (FHEO)
 

Clean out your PM box.

Football pool
 

Did he look to be German or French?

Football pool
 

It had to be a joke. This was a string bikini with a pouch for his junk.

Football pool
 

You have apparently never been to beaches frequented by German or French gentlemen.

Football pool
 

I have been to beaches in France. I did not see anything like this.

Football pool
 

You were distracted by the nipple fights, apparently.

I can't say I blame you for where you focused your attention.

Football pool
 

Great point. There were many topless 18-yr old girls frolicking in the surf.

Football pool
 

I saw Oprah this morning giving a "motivational speech" to the homeless currently living in the Astrodome. She called their former housing (the Superdome) a disgusting place. She was wearing a very very snug top to show off her recent weight loss/gain (I cannot keep up anymore) and did not have her hair done - which I thought was a nice touch considering the audience. I am surprised she did not give them all cars. Or t-shirts. Or something.

Football pool
 

I believe coltrane has made clear this was an Italian-American person. A "guido" if you will.

Football pool
 

I'm actually surprised she didn't give them all tourmaline-charged face mask from Aveda and a set of melamine mixing bowls from the Nigella Lawson collection.

Football pool
 

She gave them a glimpse of her boobs showcased in a snug top, that's something, no?

Football pool
 

These people have suffered enough, haven't they?

Bad Music
 

Can anyone give me a reason that Nickelback should not be named worst band ever? The lead singer sounds like he's straining on the toilet, and the lyrics are more trite than a Dawson's Creek script. What the fuck do you mean, she's like your favorite disease? Please, Nickelback, drop off the face of the earth. I'd rather listen to Journey.

Football pool
 

“I am wildly, absurdly, insanely rich. Just think of how rich I am, cause I’m crazy... I mean, Bill Gates level... kooky rich... I haven’t wiped my ass since 1994 rich... I could hire Bobby, Whitney, JLo, Jessica and Nick to clean my pool and wax my lower back hair rich. And you don’t have houses. Its inspiring, isn’t it?”

Bad Music
 

Are they related at all to that new group "Green Day" I recently heard about?

Bad Music
 

I've got one word for you - Creed.

Football pool
 

"And yet, I can still relate to the powerlessness and loss you all must be feeling in the wake of this disaster. Last spring during a trip to Paris, I tried to get into Hermes after it closed, and can you believe this, they turned me away. My best friend Gail can tell you, it had to have been the worst moment of my life. I'll be talking about it on my show next week. Please watch."

Bad Music
 

In the heat with a blue jean girl, burnin' love comes once in a lifetime.

Thanks, RP.

Football pool
 

I'm sure she is being as helpful as Sean Penn, and has no doubt given boatloads of money. OK, maybe not as helpful as Sean Penn in the search and rescue way, but you know what I mean.

Football pool
 

I don't think kissing Oprah's ass on an anonymous chat board for lawyers is going to get you a free gift bag from Godiva, missy.

Bad Music
 

Some will win
Some will lose
Some are born to sing the blues

Football pool
 

Apparently in California we eat See's.

Hmmm. Maybe I should go to the mall at lunch.

Football pool
 

I have no gripe with Harpo. I like and respect her (a whole more more than I do Spicoli). She seems like as decent a celebrity as you can find, and she has worked her ass off to get where she is. But if I were homeless and poor and sleeping in the Astrodome, the very last thing I’d want to hear is a pep talk from a woman who probably flew in on private jet bigger than my house.*

*Actually, the worst possible thing I could imagine would be the couple on the cot next to me asking me if my wife and I were “into soft swinging.”

Bad Music
 

Someone's always playing corporation games
Who cares they're always changing corporation names

Football pool
 

Kathy Griffin does a funny little Oprah riff on her surprisingly amusing "My Life on the D List."

Football pool
 

Jesus, I just realized I’m wearing a racist tie. Typical hillbilly construction - doesn’t hold a knot for shit.*

* I guess those'd be French rednecks... La cou rouge?

'Cause what they really need is a pep talk
 

Unless she followed up with: "I have 3 extra monster houses plus 15 spare bedrooms in my main house and I want to put up 40 homeless families in them until they can return to or replace their permanent housing - my maid will get your kids enrolled in the local rich-people public school immediately."

Hell, I'm half seriously looking at the sofa-bed in our one non-bedroom room and thinking "well, two adults and one child, or one adult and two children, could probably manage on that for a while, since they won't be bringing nearly as much shit with them as my mother in law does when she comes ..."

Anyone considering actually putting up some people? (Other than Penske.)

Bad Music
 

Well, there was that domestic violence song I liked.


He's drunk again, it's time to fight
Same old shit, just on a different night
She grabs the gun, she's had enough
Tonight she'll find out how fucking
Tough is this man
Pulls the trigger just as fast as she can
Never Again

Bad Music
 

I always feel like I have to stick up for Canadian musicians (Celine Dion excepted) - some kind of loyalty thing. But you are right - they suck.

Football pool
 

Well, she did bring 3 private jets with her, hoping to reunite some families. Her only problem (well, one of many) is that she didn't stop to think that these people don't have cell phones or e-mail and don't know where the hell their famililes are. Otherwise, you know, nice thought.

Football pool
 

So the bitch wasted all that jet fuel?

Football pool
 

Nonetheless, reunions are happening, albeit slowly.*

*Link to a story that answers the question "What Kind of Monster abandons her six-year old in charge of six children ranging in age from 5 months to three years?"**

**Answer: Someone told by the helicopter pilot that there is only enough room for the children, and he will come back.***

*** The coming back part turned out not to be true.****

****The parents got rescued eventually, too.

Football pool
 

Shouldn't you be in labor now?

Football pool
 

That's nice, wish a premature delivery on my innocent child just because you think I'm being too hard on the wealthiest and most apparently self-satisfied woman in the universe.

Verrry verrry nice.

Football pool
 

What can I say? I'm just sweet like that.

Surely you are close.

Football pool
 

I think fb is in the mistaken belief, like many of us, that you are actually in your 11th month. It's just we're so breathless with anticipation we can't wait.

Football pool
 

So is Brittney.

DTB or anyone else--what is the rule on hyphens?
 

someone just changed my highly publicized to highly-publicized. What's the rule on hyphenating again? I've forgotten it.

Open mouth, insert silver spoon
 

Of course, I'm sure Oprah's speech paled in comparison to these words of comfort from Babs Bush: