#1 Flinty
 

By Flinty_McFlint


Sung to the tune (if you can call it that) of Carly Simon's You're So Vain:


You logged into the server
Like you were walking into a bar
Your motto strategically placed below each line
Your persona in an avatar
You had one eye on the screen
And you watched yourself reply
And all the socks dreamed that they'd be your board crush
They'd be your board crush, and

You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this post is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

I saw you several years ago
When I was still quite “newbie”
Well I thought you had such a clever wit
And your posts I just had to read
But you’ve rested on your well-worn schtick
And now you’re just a self parody
I had some socks they were names in my office
Names in my office, and

You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this post is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

I had some socks they were names in my office
Names in my office, and

You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this post is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you

You're so vain (so vain)
I'll bet you think this post is about you
Don't you? Don't you? Don't you?

#2 Crystal City Kid
 

The Crystal City Kid

I also composed a ditty for you. It took me all week. I hope you enjoy it.


"Robust, You'll be My Puppy Soon"

Robust, you'll be my puppy... soon

I love you so much, can't count all the ways
I've died for you Busty and all they can say is
"He's not your kind"
They never get tired of putting me down
And I'll never know when I come around
What I'm gonna find
Don't let them make up your mind.
Don't you know...

Robust, you'll be my puppy soon,
Please, come take my hand
Robust, you'll be my puppy soon,
Soon, you'll need a man

I've been misunderstood for all of my life
But what they're saying girl it cuts like a knife


OK. That is all I have write now. There is a deadline, and a week was not enough time for me to put together all my thoughts into a song for you. I hope you enjoyed it and will email you the rest of it when I finish it next month.

#3 Ollie
 

A Song: By Oliver_Wendell_Ramone



With apologies to Joey, Johnny, Dee Dee, Tommy, and Marky, I offer my take on "I Wanna Be Sedated."

Twenty, twenty, twenty more hours to bill
I’d rather be fellated
Read the fashion board to get my thrill
I’d rather be fellated

Just get me to the sex posts
Who has a crush on me?
Hurry, hurry, hurry, before I TCB
I get no props in paradies
But at least Paigow loves me
Oh no oh no oh ho

Twenty, twenty , twenty more pages of flame,
I’d rather be fellated
Sebby and ltl are both so fucking lame
I’d rather be fellated

Where are the posts ‘bout Cosmo
I mean Great North White Chick
Stories about anal making Thrasher kinda sick
I’d like to sleep with Leagl
But I hear she don’t do dick
Oh no oh no oh ho

Twenty, twenty, twenty more pages to scroll
I’d rather be fellated
Can’t somebody ever post an interesting poll?
I’d rather be fellated

I suppose Proctor might do me
Anttwat, but I’ll pass
I know that Fugee likes me but she thinks I’m kinda crass
Which Fashionistas swallow
And which like it in the ass?
Oh no oh no oh ho

Skek skek skek skek, skek skek skek skek
I’d rather be fellated.

#4 Paigow
 

By paigowprincess


Leagle is so beautiful
To me
Leagle is so beautiful
To me
Leagleeeeeeeeeeeeeey

Leagle's everything I posted for
Leagle's everything I read
Leagle is so beautiful to me
Leagle is so beautiful to me

Leagle is so beautiful
Leagleeeeeeeeey
Please pick me!
Leagle's everything I posted for
She's every, everything I need
Leagle is so beautiful to me


Submit by: sage


p(the sad thing is that the site I got these lyrics from indicated that the lyrics have been viewed like 3300 times. Like they are so hard to remember)banged

#5 Rufus
 

New Sock Blues- I Can't Get No Reputation

By rufus leeking


to the spirit, and basic pattern ,but perhaps not meter of
I Can't Get No (Satisfaction)


I can't get no reputation...
I can't get no reputation...
Cause I try and I try and I try and I try try try try try try try....
I can't get no, I can't get me no

When i'm posting on the page
And em's telling me to leave
and em's calling calling it boring and dumb
but em's posting 'bout old English names
for a hundred frames
I can't get no, oh no no no
Hey, hey hey that's what I say

I can't get no reputation...
I can't get no reputation...
Cause I try and I try and I try and I try try try try try try try....
I can't get no, I can't get me no

Well I post from time to time
sure I've had some flops
but didn't do no reality TV
some got some props but they can't be good
cuz I ain't from Stalin, you see
I can't get no, oh no no no
Hey, hey hey that's what I say

I can't get no reputation...
I can't get no communication...
Cause I try and I try and I try and I try try try try try try try....
I can't get no, I can't get me no

so I'm sittting here
and I'm reading this and I'm writing that
and I'm trying to give em a laugh
em tells me to ignore list please quit
but isn't it all just stupid shit?
I can't get no, oh no no no
Hey, hey hey that's what I say

repeat chorus, etc...

#6 Jack
 

This Is Just A Tribute, You've Gotta Believe Me

By Jack Manfred

Chorus:

Penske, Penske, Penske, Penske
I'm begging of you please don't take my sock
Penske, Penske, Penske, Penske
Please don't take em just because you rock

Your beauty is beyond compare
Except for Pretty Little Flower
And I've heard several good things 'bout RT
Your posts are like a breath of spring
When you reply to everything
Your other socks just posted now, Penske

Seb talks about you in his sleep
Chef likes breasts but he took a peek
Of what your biggest sock conceals, Penske
And I can easily understand
How you could take my one FB fan
But em's not like that lame tribute to RP

Chorus

You could be a mod, your posts unblocked
But now you post, "I never sock"
Paigow is gonna ignore you, Penske
I had to have this talk with you
Before I'm banished to the land of fu
'Cause Leagl's off the market too, Penske

Chorus

#7 Jack
 

Diet Coke-Addled Slob Enters the Contest

By Jack Manfred


sung by Paigow to the tune of Madonna's "Lucky Star"

You must be my FB Crush
'Cause I think of you and the voices hush
I just think of you and I start to glow
Like I'm about to eat
A grande buritto

Chorus:

Starlight, starbright, first post I see tonight
Starlight, [starbright] did I fuck Slave last night?
Starlight, starbright, that sock is Penske's right?
Starlight, [starbright] oooh yeah

You must be my FB Crush
'Cause you make me want to flame JRUSS
when the Board gets too ick-ey
You remind em that it's all about me

(chorus)

Come on, wax your met-er-o body tonight
'Cause my Rabbit's dead, can't TCB right

You may be my FB Crush
But I'm one with the trimmed bush

#8 Skeks
 

The Two GPs Post

By Skeks in the city

As I was billing all alone
I heard two GPs speaking a koan;
The one unto the other did say,
"On whom shall we go and dine today?"

"Toward a NASDAQ maker's boom years
I know there aim new-Spitzer spears;
And nobody knows the AG eyes there
But Brobeck, Wilson and VLG all whom care.

Yet Brobeck's to the billing gone;
Wilson's conflicted sitting on,
VLG's taken with a mate.
So we may take our billings sweet.

"You'll sit on the NASDAQer's back,
And I'll pluck out his Gurka jack;
With rolls and rolls of his green cash
We'll adorn many a strippers' gash.

"Few for him will make a groan,
And none shall know where he is gone;
O'er his white bones, till they are bare,
The billing shall churn forevermore."

#9 and #10 Watchtower
 

My contribution
By Watchtower

Post by Post (to the tune of "Day by Day" from Godspell")
(This is just a quick ditty to share with you all my goal on the boards; I hope I'm not being overbearing, just honest and forthright, and a little funny)

Post by Post
Post by Post
Oh dear Leagl
Three things I pray
To say things quite funny
To be a Cyber honey
To make lots of money
Post by Post
Post by Post
Post by Post
Oh dear Leagl
Three things I pray
To help Fugee find God (post by post!)
To show all that Christ Rocks (post by post!)
To convert Sebby Most (post by post!)
Post by Post (post by post!)
Post by Post (post by post!)
Post by Post (post by post!)



Superstar (to the tune of "Superstar" from "Superstar" )

Every time I hit reply
I don't understand
Why you post the things you do
They're so out of hand
You'd have managed better
If you'd had it planned
Why did you choose such a backward board
And such a strange band?

If you'd come today
You could have reached lawtalkers nation
That Yahoo board, man, it had no mass communication
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now
Don't you get me wrong

Only want to know
Only want to know
Only want to know, now
Only want to know
Only want to know
Only want to know
Only want to know, now
Only want to know

PLF
PLF
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
PLF
PLF
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
PLF
Superstar
Do you think you're what they say you are?
PLF
Superstar
Do you think you're what they say you are?

Tell me what you think
About your friends Penske and Paigow
Now who do you think besides yourself
Is the pick of the crop?
Plated, was he where it's at?
Is he where you are?
Can DebtSlave move a mountain
Or is that just RT?
Do you mean to retire like this?
Is this a mistake or
Do you think this crazy exit
Will be a record breaker?

Don't you get me wrong Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now Don't you get me wrong

Only want to know Only want to know
Only want to know, now Only want to know
Only want to know Only want to know
Only want to know, now I only want to know

PLF
PLF
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
PLF
PLF
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
PLF
PLF
Do you think you're what they say you are?
PLF
PLF
Do you think you're what they say you are?


I haven't really gotten to know PLF, so the question about who he is is an honest one. I've just been here recently, with a bit of lurking before, and some of the other posters I mention are more icons to me than real, but I thought this would be a nice homage to a fellow who seems to be a very fine sock before his retirement.

#11 Theres and Thats
 

To the tune of "Puppy Love" Post #964

By Theres and Thats

And they called it Puppy love
Oh I guess they'll never know
How a sock heart really feels
And why I love her so

I call it Robust Puppy love
Just because I can't be seen
Because I post and post (and post) away
Why deny me my only dream?

I lust each night for Busty you
My tears are all in vain
I hope and I pray that maybe some day
Robust'll PM me (not you, Coletrane…)

Someone help me, help me please
To edit, edit up above
So that I can show them all
This is Robust Puppy love

Someone help me, help me please
Will my efforts be enough
How can I, oh how can I show you
This is Robust Puppy love

This is Robust Puppy love
This is Robust Puppy love (Robust puppy love)
This is Robust puppy love
This is Robust puppy love

#12 Atticus
 

88 Lines About 49 Penske Socks

By Atticus Grinch

Manfred is a hipster,
\ tells us what the cool kids do.
Anne Elk’s got no “flow” or stylin’,
\ Destined for the Land of Fu.
Thurgreed is the Black Guy;
\ we’re all afraid of a guy like him.
Mullet Man sounds like a dude but
\ I’ve heard tell he has a quim.

Ollie is a shit-disturber;
\ lieutenant to insurgency.
Fugee is the Jesus-freak,
\ she likes that kind of misery.
Tyrone is a newsblog addict;
\ posts Josh Marshall thrice a day.
Cheffie disappears for ages;
\ yet gets homage on Breasticle Day.

Bilmore is a cranky geezer,
\ hates TV, despises rap.
Leagl thinks men are second best
\ to Idle playthings’ honey-traps.
G3 is a Clintonista,
\ cruising for a PB duel.
Borg-Nine’s point of view was this:
\ assimilation’s FB cool.

Coltrane, it’s said, is bangable;
\ a future Cougar’s got a crush.
TexLex’s got some major issues,
\ hates Van Halen; grooves on Rush.
Arby’s known as Rubenesque;
\ (Stoddard-like, not Peter-Paul).
Flower bloomed two years ago;
\ says “I must go,” but lacks the balls.

Ruysbroeck’s last taboo
\ was shattered by a wandering tongue.
Thrasher says that ain’t vanilla;
\ They’ll be no ass-play in her bung.
Barely got a Waterdancer
\ ’cause Tiny couldn’t tab Slot B.
NCS says she’s got one also,
\ but stays vibrator-insertion-free.

Well, Paigow is a schizo,
\ lives on soy milk and cocaine.
Lester flaks for carriers;
\ munches shrooms to dull the pain.
Shave’s convinced that life’s a party,
\ Cuervo shots and booty calls.
DebtSlave is much too prissy,
\ she doesn’t do that shit at all.

Uh-uh. Not DebtSlave.

Fringey’s choler is therapeutic,
\ TGIF’s her life creed.
Sidd’s in Vegas bribing strippers
\ to fulfill his smutty needs.
Penske’s got a filing system,
\ always keeps his logins straight.
Shifter’s got a way with language,
\ silver tongue (or silverPlate?).

Not Bob is a big shot,
\ the fucking Pope of Podunkville.
Brazen’s got a certain something
\ I’d sure like to Jack her Jill.
Gatti’s got the voice of reason
\ in a town of whackadoos.
Pony is a font of knowledge
\ of shirts and suits and slip-on shoes.

Str8 was quite the FB hottie
\ ’til he slurped tomato bisque.
RT’s got reams of citations,
\ Even Geico won't take the risk.
EvenOdds sucked up to Leagl,
\ proved moderating’s women’s work.
CtD got lost in transit;
\ jumped the shark, became a jerk.
NFP was not for profit;
\ got hooked on Birkins, changed her name.
Gwinky has a mean streak;
\ our northern neighbor’s just the same.
The Shadow’s bridged adroit and skekky,
\ Em's just a fucking nihilist.
Kafka is much more my style,
\ he writes songs just like this.
Taxwonk’s gone for forty days;
\ we start thinking “heart attack.”
Sebby takes a nasty pleasure
\ in making women think “assjack.”
Spooky comes from O-hi-o,
\ he can be a snarky pill.
Deuced, Puppy, Dressed-to-Bill,
\ I chose you to end this swill.


Eighty-eight lines about forty-nine Penske socks. {Spree: Abridged RealAudio accompaniment to assist those who don't know the song.} http://www.the-nails.com/88rca.ram

#13 Str8
 

Phoning this one in

By str8outavannuys


Sending Sebby and ltl/fb to neutral corners for a minute, because it's time to cue up the skanky cheerleaders and the creepy looking janitor.

Load up the board and
settle in
It's like a car crash
never ends
These self-indulgent
legal minds
They write and waste
each other's time

Hello, hello, hello, how low
hello, hello, hello, how low
I can't ketchup how far to go
Oh no, twelve pages more

Leagl makes sure folks are pay'n us
Parodies won't entertain us
[Insert joke re Thrashers' anus]
Man this entry is the lamest, yeah

I'm really quite the hypocrite
Beyond TV my posts ain't shit
This little group don't wanna hear
I just saw David Allan Grier

Oh no, don't blow, this day's so slow,
my productivity is low
oh no, oh no, ain't got no flow
oh no, oh no, oh no

There's no shrink who could explain us
Dysfunctional - so they paint us
Still can't get to TF's anus
Cmon veterans, entertain us, yeah.

str8

#14 andViolins
 

Parody Parody

By andViolins


Here is my feeble effort.

(With apologies to Angus)

She was a fashion machine
She kept her fendi clean
She had the best damn Rabbit I had ever seen
She had the wildfire eyes
For a Halloween disguise
Knockin’ me out with those Armani thighs
Posting more than her share
On stuff like shampoos for hair
She told me to cum but I’d tcb’d in my chair

‘Cause my desk starts shaking
The laptop was quaking
Penske was faking
And Paigow and Pony were making it and you-

Posting all night long

Billing double time
Imbibing drinks made with lime
She was one of a kind, but her socks aren’t mine
She wanted classic brogues
Or strappy open-toes
Post a pic of Britney so Chef’ll come back for more
TM likes Thrasher’s ass
Bikini waxes and CLASS
So I read posts on this site and think “its Friday let’s fight!”

‘Cause my fake tan starts flaking
The moisturizer starts caking
Wonksters balls are aching
And Penske’s still faking it and you-

Posting all night long

aV

#15 Paigow
 

paigowprincess (responding to TM's entry)

hey..uh uh huh

what i hate about you
you make me bicker all night
bilmore, you're a fish faced fart, could you be any more white?
dont keep missing my righteous point, I am the king of right, myself I annoint
cuz its true thats what i hate about you
thats what i hate about you

what i hate about you
you really know how to bore
fu
fu
annie elk
and that tedious purse whore
keep on LOLing in my ear, tell me one thing i wanna hear
or its off to Fu, thats what i hate about you

thats what i hate about you
thats what i hate about you
thats what i hate about you

hey uh uh huh

what i hate about you
you just stole my wand
always with the best parody
Now I have to use my hand
maybe I'll let you whisper in my ear, so long as you buy the next beer
cuz its true thats what i like about you
thats what i like about you
thats what i like about you
you you you
t

#16 Chevy
 

Rear entry

By cheval de frise


To the tune of OMC's "How Bizarre," here's my submission:

Sister E/O's got back
Leagle's up in front
Cruisin' on the FB
Posting hot, hot fun

Rants and raves from Sebby D.
Something's on his mind
Loud voice, booming,
"Law is bullshit ALL THE TIME"

Bilmore on his soapbox
Hates reality TV
Thurgreed rolls his eyes
While Fringey keys his SUV

Thrashers Fan taps a keg
Photo ops: breasts and legs
"N" babes draw the line
Drive-by Chevy '69

How bizarre
How bizarre
How bizarre

Destination unknown
Log in or take a pass?
Newbie posters, freshly flamed
Kiss Paigow's ample ass

Atticus and Shapeshifter
Try to hold the line
R_T, G_gap, Not Bob
Ain't the type to whine

GWINK's still talking hockey
(but no box for Wonk's high stick)
Lots of posts from poseurs,
Penske socks and needle dicks

Elephants and acrobats
Less, Slave and BRC
Watchtower speaks righteous
While Str8 sez "funky"

How bizarre
How bizarre
How bizarre

Ringmaster steps up
Says the elephants left town
People jump and 'jive around
The clowns have stuck around

APB for Chef and Plate
There's choppers in the sky
Marines, police, fashionistas
Ask wherefore and the why

PLiFf yells "we're outta here"
Slave says "right on"
Make your moves and starting grooves
Before they knew we're gone

Jump into the Chevy
Headed for big lights
Want to know the rest
Hey, buy the rights

How bizarre
How bizarre
How bizarre

Ooh baby, (ooh baby)
It's making me crazy, (it's making me crazy)
Everytime I look around
Look around
Everytime I look around
Look around
Everytime I look around
It's in my face...

CDF

#17 Less
 

A Parroty

By LessinSF

After deciding that Slave should parody "Never Say Never" by Romeo Void ("I might like you better if we slept together") instead of me, and still lamenting my lost "Two Headhunters and a Fax Machine" from the Yahoo days, I offer this:

Fashionistaville

Another stale Snickers
In two day old knickers
All of the paras are out at the bars
Drafting’s my mission
Requests for admission
Stuck in the office, at least can’t get SARS

Typing away again in Fashionistaville
Searching for my lost integrity
Some people claim that it was law school to blame
But I know
I wish I was Charlie Kuralt

I don't know the reason
I’ve committed this treason
Nothing to show but some red Jimmy Choos
But they give me solace
Along with my Rolex
And telling stories of dragons I slew

Typing away again in Fashionistaville
Searching for my lost integrity
Some people claim that it was law school to blame
Now I think
I should have studied Gestalt

I move in a trance
Representing insurance
Change my shirt, had to cruise on back home
There's Friday night Happy Hour
With twelve Pisco Sours
That trendy concoction that helps me hang on

Typing away again in Fashionistaville
Searching for my lost integrity
Some people claim that it was law school to blame
But I know
It was the pay and the Vault

Yes and some people claim that it was law school to blame
And I know
It was the pay and the Vault

#18 TM
 

TM's Submission

By Thurgreed Marshall

(for original formatting click http://www.lawtalkers.com/forums/sho...8937#post38937)


Sung to the tune of Eminem's Lose Yourself:


Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity

To ridicule everyone you ever wanted - One moment

Would you capture it or just let it slip?



TM's palms are sweaty

Fingers weak

Arms are heavy

There's vomit in his mouth already

"LOL" posts are petty

He's nervous

But online he looks calm and ready

To drop bombs

But he keeps on forgetting

What he should post now

The whole board grows so loud

He cracks his knuckles

But the words won't come out

He's chokin', how

Everybody's jokin' now

The clock's run out

Time's up

Over

Pow!

Snap back to reality

Where's the depravity?

Oh, there goes Francis

He choked

He's so mad, but he

Won't give up that easy

Nope

He won't have it

He knows his whole back's to these

Ropes

It don't matter

He's dope

He knows that

But he's broke

His debt's stacked

And he

knows

Tonight he gets back

To his home

turns around and it's

Back to the office again, yo

This whole work shit

He better find a way out and hope it don't pass him


You better lose yourself in the FB, like Penske

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo


You better lose yourself in the FB, like Magnus' mommy

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo


From infirmation we're escaping

Now it's their board that is gaping

Lawtalkers is primed for the taking

Who should be king

As we move toward a

New board order

PLF? He's so 2001...

Might as well perform a post mortem

Wonk reads and grows harder...

he only gets hotter

Slave bowls us all over...

These hoes is all on him

Coast to coast trips...

Less is known as the globetrotter

Houston's roads

RT only knows

She drives from office to home

but no farther

Paigow's the board's very own lunatic daughter

Coke up her nose...

Leaves and comes back...

The false martyr

Weed don't post here no mo...

He's cold product

So we moved on to the next schmoe who flows

Shifter's stock rose

TS has got power

The FB soap opera is told and unfolds

It's getting old pahtna

But the board goes on

Da da dum da dum da da



You better lose yourself in the FB, like Finchy

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo


You better lose yourself in the FB, like GWiNCky

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo


No more games

I'ma change what you call rage

Tear the mothafuckin' thong off of red undies' frame

EO was nicer in the beginning

But her mood's all changed

Someone should chew up and spit out every single pj page

So I keep postin and writin' in this space called cyber

Best believe google aids the Grinch as a writer

SD's pain inside amplified by the fact

That he can't get by as a nine to fiver

DTB provides the right type of life for her family

NotBob's so old the guy's ready to buy diapers

Genre: horror movie...

DS is a filer...

that is her life

Stayin' ketchupped is so hard

and it's getting even harder

Pepper used to office-TCB

Plus

Remember when Arby caught her a Prima Donna

The Fugee Mama drama screamin is it

Too much for me to wanna

Stay in this spot

Should I scroll or not

It's gotten me to the point, I work like a snail

I've got

To formulate a plot

To grab the partners' pot

Success is my only mothafuckin' option

Failure's not

Barely, I love you

But all this email's got me so

I'm sick of the lawyer's lot

So here I go it's my shot

Feets fail me not

Cuz I gotta take the only opportunity that I got



You better lose yourself in the FB, Like RP

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo


You better lose yourself in the FB, Like leagly

We own it and better never let it go (ho!)

You only get one shot to post, so put on a show

Or live in the Land of Fu for a lifetime yo



(You can flame anyone you set your mind to, man)

TM

#19 Not Bob
 

Don't Cry for Me, Fashionistas

By Not Bob


[Enter paigow, on a balcony overlooking a crowd of FBers. She is wearing white and looking remarkably like Carolyn Bessette after throwing an ashtray at JFK, Jr. -- sad eyes, icy blond hair, matte red lips. An expectant hush falls over the crowd.]

Paigow [starting softly, gaining strength as she goes]:

It won't be easy, you'll think it strange
When I try to explain how I feel
That I still need your love after all of my posts
You won't believe me
All you will see is a girl with blood blue
Although she's messed up some of the time
Her family paid Mayflower's crew.

I had to let it happen, I had to post
Couldn't stay all my life lurking here
Reading chefster's sex polls, staying out of the fun
So I chose PAIGOW!
Running around trying everyone new
But no GA impressed me at all
I never expected them to

Don't cry for me, Fashionistas
The truth is I never left you
All through my chris days
My war with JRUSS
My spats with Thurgreed
(like Slave, he's hairless)

And as for Lester, and as for Slave
I never invited them in
Though it seemed to the boards they were all I desired
Less is deluded
Slave is not the solution he promised to be
So I post here all of the time
I love you and hope you love me

Don't cry for me, Fashionistas
The truth is I never left you
All through my chris days
My war with JRUSS
My spats with Thurgreed
(like Slave, he's hairless)

Have I said too much? There's nothing more I can think of to say to you.

But all you have to do is look at me to know that every word is true.

[paigow bows to the applause, backing gracefully back off the balcony]

#20 Paigow
 

Please, god, I need the Big Lebowski on DVD

By paigowprincess

GOOD POSTS BAD POSTS

In the days of yahoo
I learned what it means to be a GA
Be funny, be honest, be mean
From infirm to lawtalkers, posters work with what they gather
No matter how they try
I keep reading the same old blather

Good posts, bad posts
Slave has no hair
Though evenodds left white
For a brown skinned man
Coltrane still don't seem aware

Two thou Less fell in love
With a wingnut sweet as could be
It only took him couple of secs'
Til he splooged on Fugee
She swore that Jesus would save his soul
As she washed his splooge off
Less turned to porn, pot and beers
To practice delaying the getoff

Good posts, bad posts
chris doesn’t like much hair
A real big breasted bisexual
with garters and thongs
Too bad Slave used all his Nair

(Guitar Solo)

Good posts, bad posts
Thurgreed’s had his share
Remember his revolting flirts
with seductress c square?
Nobody seemed to care

I know what it means to be alone
To be blackballed by the fb cool clones
I don't care what the KooKoos say
I'm gonna post here each and every day
cheval posted songs that made me cry
so gcubed, try an order of pith on wry

#21 Penske
 

PLF?

By Penske_Account

Is he gone yet?

Jesus H. Christ, I sure as hell hope so. What a frickin' bore already.

By the by, all this PLF retiring crap inspired me to parody a song and in honour of Billmore's College Dayz I picked the Mamas & the Papas California Dreamin'. All apologies to Mama Cass. And the ham sammich.


Without further adieu:

PLF Dreamin’

All the wit is gone, his posts fade to grey
He needs to take a hike and go far away
We’d be entertained, if it was back in the day
PLF Dreamin’, but he’s got nuthin’ to say

Surfed in to Infirm, to reminisce today
Well I dropped down to my knees, his work was oh so fey
You know that PLF’s work’s grown old
While I’m still making hay
PLF Dreamin’, but he’s got nuthin’ to say

All the wit is gone, his posts fade to grey
He needs to take a hike and go far away
If Paigow didn’t IM him, he woulda left today
PLF Dreamin’, but he’s got nuthin’ to say

PLF Dreamin’, but he’s got nuthin’ to say

PLF Dreamin’, but he’s got nuthin’ to say

#22 Monkey
 

Gigli it isn't

By Chunky Monkey

With tounge surgically-implanted in cheek, here is my contributions to the 'don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out' PLF retirement party:

To the tune of, what else, Ironic by the horribly misunderstood Alanis Morrisette:


Bilmore’s at least ninety-eight
Even if he won the lottery, he’d still hang around this place
Paigow’s too fly to drink Chardonnay
She sucks down Pisco Sours at a furious pace
Isn’t this moronic, dontcha think?

[CHORUS]

It’s plaaaaaain, as the nose on your face
It’s played out, but with posts at a furious pace
The FB’s about clothes and sports, and things that vibrate
Obviously nobody’s thought .. it figures.

The old back door, Thrasher refuses to try
If her husband ever asked, she’d just wave bye bye bye
Replaced Texan could offer tips, if she really wanted to know
A negative purity score is damn sexy, yo
Isn’t this moronic, dontcha think?

[CHORUS]

It’s plaaaaaain, as the nose on your face
It’s played out, but with posts at a furious pace
The FB’s about clothes and sports, and things that vibrate
Obviously nobody’s thought .. it figures.

Well this board has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you’re eating your lunch and everything’s going alright
And the board has a funny way of shooting milk out your nose or
tossing your breakfast … in a bag
or all over your face

A Flower post, about how things are all passe
A fringe-ish rant saying everything’s so lame
It’s like 10,000 Atticus posts, hey man get a life
It’s admiring Evenodds’ ass
and you know she ain’t Str8’s wife
And isn’t it moronic, don’t you think
A little TOO moronic, and yeah I really do think

[CHORUS]

It’s plaaaaaain, as the nose on your face
It’s played out, but with posts at a furious pace
The FB’s about clothes and sports, and things that vibrate
Obviously nobody’s thought .. it figures.

Da FB has a funny way of sneaking up on you
It has a funny, funny way of making you want to hurl
making you wanna hurl


Apologies if I forgot to insult you, I ran out of verses, but will try to do better next time.

#23 and #24 Shape Shifter
 

Parody Parody

By Shape Shifter (responding to the parody listed beneath his.)





I found this so inspiring, I was able to write 2 songs.

1. (Sung to the tune of "Happy Birthday")

Happy Birthday to you
That was the stupidest fucking song parody I've ever heard in my life.

2. (Sung to Pat Benatar's "Heartbreaker")

Your song is like a dentist’s drill, sinking deep in my teeth
No nitrous or novocaine, and certainly no pith
You're the right kind of whiner, to release such infantilacy
A real Jessica stinker, and you know that you were born to be
You're a boardbreaker
Humor hater, a mistake
Don't you NFH with me!
You're a boardbreaker
Fischbacher, big faker
Don't you NFH - no no no!

Your song is like a giant turd, spinning down in the bowl
A self parody, so absurd, suffocating my soul
I’m glad you’re a West Coaster, so we won’t accidentally meet in a bar
You’re a miserable poster, and you like had a gay avatar (nttawwt)

You're a boardbreaker
Crap maker, faith shaker
Don't you me NFH with me!
You're a boardbreaker
Wiseacre, headacher
Don't you NFH - no no no!

You're a boardbreaker
Humor hater, a mistake
Don't you NFH with me!
You're a boardbreaker
Wiseacre, headacher
Boardbreaker!




quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by NotFromHere
Sung to Pat Benatar's Hit me with your best shot...

Fringy's a real tough cookie with the long history
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me
Greedy's O.K., lets see how you do it
Put up your dukes, lets get down to it!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Why Don't You Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Fire Away!

Come on Pliffy come on, you don't fight fair
But that's O.K., see if I care!
Knock me down, it's all in vain
I'll get right back on my feet again!


Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Why Don't You Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Fire Away!


NCS's a real tough cookie with the long history
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me
Before I put another notch in my lipstick case
Penske better make sure I sit on your face


Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Come On, Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Fire Away!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#25 NFH
 

My song

By Not From Here


Sung to Pat Benatar's Hit me with your best shot...

Fringy's a real tough cookie with the long history
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me
Greedy's O.K., lets see how you do it
Put up your dukes, lets get down to it!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Why Don't You Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Fire Away!

Come on Pliffy come on, you don't fight fair
But that's O.K., see if I care!
Knock me down, it's all in vain
I'll get right back on my feet again!


Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Why Don't You Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Fire Away!


NCS's a real tough cookie with the long history
Of breaking little hearts, like the one in me
Before I put another notch in my lipstick case
Penske better make sure I sit on your face


Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Come On, Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Hit Me With Your Limp Cock!
Fire Away!

26 ncs
 

alright I'll post a submission before someone steals my song

By notcasesensitive

(unlikely)

Board Damage
(adapted from Brain Damage, Pink Floyd)

the lunatics all want her ass
the lunatics want e/o’s ass
tm plays games and daisy chains get laughs
got to keep on topic or risk her wrath

a lunatic shops at the mall
the lunatics buy clothes for fall
paigow points their wretched faces towards the door
but everyday the suburbs get one more

and if coltrane’s knees break down many years too soon
and if there is no lizard with a pill
and if PB explodes with Ahnold’s sex life too
I’ll see you on the FB with some ‘shrooms

the fashion board is in my head
fucking fashion board is in my head
leagl had it made, she made the change
she’ll re-arrange us or go insane

we mock some more
and socks pop up you’ll see
theres and thats may even bother dear RP

and if reality tv shows, moral relativism cause you fear
you’ll shout but no one seems to care
and if the board you’re on starts kayaking to different tunes
I’ll see you on the FB, get there soon…


[you'll have to do the whoas that accompany in your head, if it isn't already too 'shroom-addled]

#27 reba
 

JPUNK Gives Socks a Bad Name

By reba



In order to be a little ironic for my favorite little has-been PLf, I am using a sock to protest JFUCK's incesssantly bad unfunny socking with the fisrt entry into the contest. BRing on the new magic wand lealg.

(sing to the tune of BonJovis' 'YOu give Love a Badname')

A moron's joke is what you tell
Your posts are unfunny, and put me through hell
One note socks are so old to me
Your socks are a prison, you can't break free

Whhoooaaaa, you make the board no fun
Whhooooaaa, there's nowhere to run
Not even my wit can save us
The damage is done

Chorus:
Post like a fart
And he’s so lame
JPUKE gives socks a bad name
I flame him out yet his schtick’s the same
JPUSS gives socks a bad name
JRUNT gives socks a bad name

Change your name to ConnecttheDots
Doesn’t matter your act still rots
A teenboy's scheme, everyday a new try
From your very first sock you made us want to cry

Whhoooaaaa, you make the board no fun
Whoooooaaa, there's nowhere to run
Not even my wit can save us
The damage is done

Chorus:
Post like a fart
And he’s so lame
JPUKE gives socks a bad name
I flame him out yet his schtick’s the same
JPUSS gives socks a bad name
JRUNT gives socks a bad name

Ok, here are the entries (in reverse order) I think I got them all. If I missed any please PM E/O or leagleaze.



Vote here.