#1 Flinty
 

By Flinty_McFlint


Sung to the tune (if you can call it that) of Carly Simon's You're So Vain:


You logged into the server
Like you were walking into a bar
Your motto strategically placed below each line
Your persona in an avatar
You had one eye on the screen
And you watched yourself reply
And all the socks dreamed that they'd be your board crush
They'd be your board crush, and

You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this post is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

I saw you several years ago
When I was still quite “newbie”
Well I thought you had such a clever wit
And your posts I just had to read
But you’ve rested on your well-worn schtick
And now you’re just a self parody
I had some socks they were names in my office
Names in my office, and

You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this post is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

I had some socks they were names in my office
Names in my office, and

You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vain
I'll bet you think this post is about you
Don't you? Don't you?

You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you
You're so vain
You probably think this post is about you

You're so vain (so vain)
I'll bet you think this post is about you
Don't you? Don't you? Don't you?

#2 Crystal City Kid
 

The Crystal City Kid

I also composed a ditty for you. It took me all week. I hope you enjoy it.


"Robust, You'll be My Puppy Soon"

Robust, you'll be my puppy... soon

I love you so much, can't count all the ways
I've died for you Busty and all they can say is
"He's not your kind"
They never get tired of putting me down
And I'll never know when I come around
What I'm gonna find
Don't let them make up your mind.
Don't you know...

Robust, you'll be my puppy soon,
Please, come take my hand
Robust, you'll be my puppy soon,
Soon, you'll need a man

I've been misunderstood for all of my life
But what they're saying girl it cuts like a knife


OK. That is all I have write now. There is a deadline, and a week was not enough time for me to put together all my thoughts into a song for you. I hope you enjoyed it and will email you the rest of it when I finish it next month.

#3 Ollie
 

A Song: By Oliver_Wendell_Ramone



With apologies to Joey, Johnny, Dee Dee, Tommy, and Marky, I offer my take on "I Wanna Be Sedated."

Twenty, twenty, twenty more hours to bill
I’d rather be fellated
Read the fashion board to get my thrill
I’d rather be fellated

Just get me to the sex posts
Who has a crush on me?
Hurry, hurry, hurry, before I TCB
I get no props in paradies
But at least Paigow loves me
Oh no oh no oh ho

Twenty, twenty , twenty more pages of flame,
I’d rather be fellated
Sebby and ltl are both so fucking lame
I’d rather be fellated

Where are the posts ‘bout Cosmo
I mean Great North White Chick
Stories about anal making Thrasher kinda sick
I’d like to sleep with Leagl
But I hear she don’t do dick
Oh no oh no oh ho

Twenty, twenty, twenty more pages to scroll
I’d rather be fellated
Can’t somebody ever post an interesting poll?
I’d rather be fellated

I suppose Proctor might do me
Anttwat, but I’ll pass
I know that Fugee likes me but she thinks I’m kinda crass
Which Fashionistas swallow
And which like it in the ass?
Oh no oh no oh ho

Skek skek skek skek, skek skek skek skek
I’d rather be fellated.

#4 Paigow
 

By paigowprincess


Leagle is so beautiful
To me
Leagle is so beautiful
To me
Leagleeeeeeeeeeeeeey

Leagle's everything I posted for
Leagle's everything I read
Leagle is so beautiful to me
Leagle is so beautiful to me

Leagle is so beautiful
Leagleeeeeeeeey
Please pick me!
Leagle's everything I posted for
She's every, everything I need
Leagle is so beautiful to me


Submit by: sage


p(the sad thing is that the site I got these lyrics from indicated that the lyrics have been viewed like 3300 times. Like they are so hard to remember)banged

#5 Rufus
 

New Sock Blues- I Can't Get No Reputation

By rufus leeking


to the spirit, and basic pattern ,but perhaps not meter of
I Can't Get No (Satisfaction)


I can't get no reputation...
I can't get no reputation...
Cause I try and I try and I try and I try try try try try try try....
I can't get no, I can't get me no

When i'm posting on the page
And em's telling me to leave
and em's calling calling it boring and dumb
but em's posting 'bout old English names
for a hundred frames
I can't get no, oh no no no
Hey, hey hey that's what I say

I can't get no reputation...
I can't get no reputation...
Cause I try and I try and I try and I try try try try try try try....
I can't get no, I can't get me no

Well I post from time to time
sure I've had some flops
but didn't do no reality TV
some got some props but they can't be good
cuz I ain't from Stalin, you see
I can't get no, oh no no no
Hey, hey hey that's what I say

I can't get no reputation...
I can't get no communication...
Cause I try and I try and I try and I try try try try try try try....
I can't get no, I can't get me no

so I'm sittting here
and I'm reading this and I'm writing that
and I'm trying to give em a laugh
em tells me to ignore list please quit
but isn't it all just stupid shit?
I can't get no, oh no no no
Hey, hey hey that's what I say

repeat chorus, etc...

#6 Jack
 

This Is Just A Tribute, You've Gotta Believe Me

By Jack Manfred

Chorus:

Penske, Penske, Penske, Penske
I'm begging of you please don't take my sock
Penske, Penske, Penske, Penske
Please don't take em just because you rock

Your beauty is beyond compare
Except for Pretty Little Flower
And I've heard several good things 'bout RT
Your posts are like a breath of spring
When you reply to everything
Your other socks just posted now, Penske

Seb talks about you in his sleep
Chef likes breasts but he took a peek
Of what your biggest sock conceals, Penske
And I can easily understand
How you could take my one FB fan
But em's not like that lame tribute to RP

Chorus

You could be a mod, your posts unblocked
But now you post, "I never sock"
Paigow is gonna ignore you, Penske
I had to have this talk with you
Before I'm banished to the land of fu
'Cause Leagl's off the market too, Penske

Chorus

#7 Jack
 

Diet Coke-Addled Slob Enters the Contest

By Jack Manfred


sung by Paigow to the tune of Madonna's "Lucky Star"

You must be my FB Crush
'Cause I think of you and the voices hush
I just think of you and I start to glow
Like I'm about to eat
A grande buritto

Chorus:

Starlight, starbright, first post I see tonight
Starlight, [starbright] did I fuck Slave last night?
Starlight, starbright, that sock is Penske's right?
Starlight, [starbright] oooh yeah

You must be my FB Crush
'Cause you make me want to flame JRUSS
when the Board gets too ick-ey
You remind em that it's all about me

(chorus)

Come on, wax your met-er-o body tonight
'Cause my Rabbit's dead, can't TCB right

You may be my FB Crush
But I'm one with the trimmed bush

#8 Skeks
 

The Two GPs Post

By Skeks in the city

As I was billing all alone
I heard two GPs speaking a koan;
The one unto the other did say,
"On whom shall we go and dine today?"

"Toward a NASDAQ maker's boom years
I know there aim new-Spitzer spears;
And nobody knows the AG eyes there
But Brobeck, Wilson and VLG all whom care.

Yet Brobeck's to the billing gone;
Wilson's conflicted sitting on,
VLG's taken with a mate.
So we may take our billings sweet.

"You'll sit on the NASDAQer's back,
And I'll pluck out his Gurka jack;
With rolls and rolls of his green cash
We'll adorn many a strippers' gash.

"Few for him will make a groan,
And none shall know where he is gone;
O'er his white bones, till they are bare,
The billing shall churn forevermore."

#9 and #10 Watchtower
 

My contribution
By Watchtower

Post by Post (to the tune of "Day by Day" from Godspell")
(This is just a quick ditty to share with you all my goal on the boards; I hope I'm not being overbearing, just honest and forthright, and a little funny)

Post by Post
Post by Post
Oh dear Leagl
Three things I pray
To say things quite funny
To be a Cyber honey
To make lots of money
Post by Post
Post by Post
Post by Post
Oh dear Leagl
Three things I pray
To help Fugee find God (post by post!)
To show all that Christ Rocks (post by post!)
To convert Sebby Most (post by post!)
Post by Post (post by post!)
Post by Post (post by post!)
Post by Post (post by post!)



Superstar (to the tune of "Superstar" from "Superstar" )

Every time I hit reply
I don't understand
Why you post the things you do
They're so out of hand
You'd have managed better
If you'd had it planned
Why did you choose such a backward board
And such a strange band?

If you'd come today
You could have reached lawtalkers nation
That Yahoo board, man, it had no mass communication
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now
Don't you get me wrong

Only want to know
Only want to know
Only want to know, now
Only want to know
Only want to know
Only want to know
Only want to know, now
Only want to know

PLF
PLF
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
PLF
PLF
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
PLF
Superstar
Do you think you're what they say you are?
PLF
Superstar
Do you think you're what they say you are?

Tell me what you think
About your friends Penske and Paigow
Now who do you think besides yourself
Is the pick of the crop?
Plated, was he where it's at?
Is he where you are?
Can DebtSlave move a mountain
Or is that just RT?
Do you mean to retire like this?
Is this a mistake or
Do you think this crazy exit
Will be a record breaker?

Don't you get me wrong Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong Don't you get me wrong
Don't you get me wrong, now Don't you get me wrong

Only want to know Only want to know
Only want to know, now Only want to know
Only want to know Only want to know
Only want to know, now I only want to know

PLF
PLF
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
PLF
PLF
Who are you? What have you sacrificed?
PLF
PLF
Do you think you're what they say you are?
PLF
PLF
Do you think you're what they say you are?


I haven't really gotten to know PLF, so the question about who he is is an honest one. I've just been here recently, with a bit of lurking before, and some of the other posters I mention are more icons to me than real, but I thought this would be a nice homage to a fellow who seems to be a very fine sock before his retirement.

#11 Theres and Thats
 

To the tune of "Puppy Love" Post #964

By Theres and Thats

And they called it Puppy love
Oh I guess they'll never know
How a sock heart really feels
And why I love her so

I call it Robust Puppy love
Just because I can't be seen
Because I post and post (and post) away
Why deny me my only dream?

I lust each night for Busty you
My tears are all in vain
I hope and I pray that maybe some day
Robust'll PM me (not you, Coletrane…)

Someone help me, help me please
To edit, edit up above
So that I can show them all
This is Robust Puppy love

Someone help me, help me please
Will my efforts be enough
How can I, oh how can I show you
This is Robust Puppy love

This is Robust Puppy love
This is Robust Puppy love (Robust puppy love)
This is Robust puppy love
This is Robust puppy love

#12 Atticus
 

88 Lines About 49 Penske Socks

By Atticus Grinch

Manfred is a hipster,
\ tells us what the cool kids do.
Anne Elk’s got no “flow” or stylin’,
\ Destined for the Land of Fu.
Thurgreed is the Black Guy;
\ we’re all afraid of a guy like him.
Mullet Man sounds like a dude but
\ I’ve heard tell he has a quim.

Ollie is a shit-disturber;
\ lieutenant to insurgency.
Fugee is the Jesus-freak,
\ she likes that kind of misery.
Tyrone is a newsblog addict;
\ posts Josh Marshall thrice a day.
Cheffie disappears for ages;
\ yet gets homage on Breasticle Day.

Bilmore is a cranky geezer,
\ hates TV, despises rap.
Leagl thinks men are second best
\ to Idle playthings’ honey-traps.
G3 is a Clintonista,
\ cruising for a PB duel.
Borg-Nine’s point of view was this:
\ assimilation’s FB cool.

Coltrane, it’s said, is bangable;
\ a future Cougar’s got a crush.
TexLex’s got some major issues,
\ hates Van Halen; grooves on Rush.
Arby’s known as Rubenesque;
\ (Stoddard-like, not Peter-Paul).
Flower bloomed two years ago;
\ says “I must go,” but lacks the balls.

Ruysbroeck’s last taboo
\ was shattered by a wandering tongue.
Thrasher says that ain’t vanilla;
\ They’ll be no ass-play in her bung.
Barely got a Waterdancer
\ ’cause Tiny couldn’t tab Slot B.
NCS says she’s got one also,
\ but stays vibrator-insertion-free.

Well, Paigow is a schizo,
\ lives on soy milk and cocaine.
Lester flaks for carriers;
\ munches shrooms to dull the pain.
Shave’s convinced that life’s a party,
\ Cuervo shots and booty calls.
DebtSlave is much too prissy,
\ she doesn’t do that shit at all.

Uh-uh. Not DebtSlave.

Fringey’s choler is therapeutic,
\ TGIF’s her life creed.
Sidd’s in Vegas bribing strippers
\ to fulfill his smutty needs.
Penske’s got a filing system,
\ always keeps his logins straight.
Shifter’s got a way with language,
\ silver tongue (or silverPlate?).

Not Bob is a big shot,
\ the fucking Pope of Podunkville.
Brazen’s got a certain something
\ I’d sure like to Jack her Jill.
Gatti’s got the voice of reason
\ in a town of whackadoos.
Pony is a font of knowledge
\ of shirts and suits and slip-on shoes.

Str8 was quite the FB hottie
\ ’til he slurped tomato bisque.
RT’s got reams of citations,
\ Even Geico won't take the risk.
EvenOdds sucked up to Leagl,
\ proved moderating’s women’s work.
CtD got lost in transit;
\ jumped the shark, became a jerk.
NFP was not for profit;
\ got hooked on Birkins, changed her name.
Gwinky has a mean streak;
\ our northern neighbor’s just the same.
The Shadow’s bridged adroit and skekky,
\ Em's just a fucking nihilist.
Kafka is much more my style,
\ he writes songs just like this.
Taxwonk’s gone for forty days;
\ we start thinking “heart attack.”
Sebby takes a nasty pleasure
\ in making women think “assjack.”
Spooky comes from O-hi-o,
\ he can be a snarky pill.
Deuced, Puppy, Dressed-to-Bill,
\ I chose you to end this swill.


Eighty-eight lines about forty-nine Penske socks. {Spree: Abridged RealAudio accompaniment to assist those who don't know the song.} http://www.the-nails.com/88rca.ram

#13 Str8
 

Phoning this one in

By str8outavannuys


Sending Sebby and ltl/fb to neutral corners for a minute, because it's time to cue up the skanky cheerleaders and the creepy looking janitor.

Load up the board and
settle in
It's like a car crash
never ends
These self-indulgent
legal minds
They write and waste
each other's time

Hello, hello, hello, how low
hello, hello, hello, how low
I can't ketchup how far to go
Oh no, twelve pages more

Leagl makes sure folks are pay'n us
Parodies won't entertain us
[Insert joke re Thrashers' anus]
Man this entry is the lamest, yeah

I'm really quite the hypocrite
Beyond TV my posts ain't shit
This little group don't wanna hear
I just saw David Allan Grier

Oh no, don't blow, this day's so slow,
my productivity is low
oh no, oh no, ain't got no flow
oh no, oh no, oh no

There's no shrink who could explain us
Dysfunctional - so they paint us
Still can't get to TF's anus
Cmon veterans, entertain us, yeah.

str8

#14 andViolins
 

Parody Parody

By andViolins


Here is my feeble effort.

(With apologies to Angus)

She was a fashion machine
She kept her fendi clean
She had the best damn Rabbit I had ever seen
She had the wildfire eyes
For a Halloween disguise
Knockin’ me out with those Armani thighs
Posting more than her share
On stuff like shampoos for hair
She told me to cum but I’d tcb’d in my chair

‘Cause my desk starts shaking
The laptop was quaking
Penske was faking
And Paigow and Pony were making it and you-

Posting all night long

Billing double time
Imbibing drinks made with lime
She was one of a kind, but her socks aren’t mine
She wanted classic brogues
Or strappy open-toes
Post a pic of Britney so Chef’ll come back for more
TM likes Thrasher’s ass
Bikini waxes and CLASS
So I read posts on this site and think “its Friday let’s fight!”

‘Cause my fake tan starts flaking
The moisturizer starts caking
Wonksters balls are aching
And Penske’s still faking it and you-

Posting all night long

aV

#15 Paigow
 

paigowprincess (responding to TM's entry)

hey..uh uh huh

what i hate about you
you make me bicker all night
bilmore, you're a fish faced fart, could you be any more white?
dont keep missing my righteous point, I am the king of right, myself I annoint
cuz its true thats what i hate about you
thats what i hate about you

what i hate about you
you really know how to bore
fu
fu
annie elk
and that tedious purse whore
keep on LOLing in my ear, tell me one thing i wanna hear
or its off to Fu, thats what i hate about you

thats what i hate about you
thats what i hate about you
thats what i hate about you

hey uh uh huh

what i hate about you
you just stole my wand
always with the best parody
Now I have to use my hand
maybe I'll let you whisper in my ear, so long as you buy the next beer
cuz its true thats what i like about you
thats what i like about you
thats what i like about you
you you you
t

#16 Chevy
 

Rear entry

By cheval de frise


To the tune of OMC's "How Bizarre," here's my submission:

Sister E/O's got back
Leagle's up in front
Cruisin' on the FB
Posting hot, hot fun

Rants and raves from Sebby D.
Something's on his mind
Loud voice, booming,
"Law is bullshit ALL THE TIME"

Bilmore on his soapbox
Hates reality TV
Thurgreed rolls his eyes
While Fringey keys his SUV

Thrashers Fan taps a keg
Photo ops: breasts and legs
"N" babes draw the line
Drive-by Chevy '69

How bizarre
How bizarre
How bizarre

Destination unknown
Log in or take a pass?
Newbie posters, freshly flamed
Kiss Paigow's ample ass

Atticus and Shapeshifter
Try to hold the line
R_T, G_gap, Not Bob
Ain't the type to whine

GWINK's still talking hockey
(but no box for Wonk's high stick)
Lots of posts from poseurs,
Penske socks and needle dicks

Elephants and acrobats
Less, Slave and BRC
Watchtower speaks righteous
While Str8 sez "funky"

How bizarre
How bizarre
How bizarre

Ringmaster steps up
Says the elephants left town
People jump and 'jive around
The clowns have stuck around

APB for Chef and Plate
There's choppers in the sky
Marines, police, fashionistas
Ask wherefore and the why

PLiFf yells "we're outta here"
Slave says "right on"
Make your moves and starting grooves
Before they knew we're gone

Jump into the Chevy
Headed for big lights
Want to know the rest
Hey, buy the rights

How bizarre
How bizarre
How bizarre

Ooh baby, (ooh baby)
It's making me crazy, (it's making me crazy)
Everytime I look around
Look around
Everytime I look around
Look around
Everytime I look around
It's in my face...

CDF