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Originally posted by mmm3587
My recent forays into the crowded streets of the Loop (sadly, the clients have not been sending the corporate helicopter to the rooftop firm helicopter pad much lately, and I have had to spend steps between the office and the Towncar at street level with the proles while the executive garage is being rebuilt) have exposed me to what must be the most nefarious scourge to infect our streets since the dawn of illicit umbrella swinging and head-hitting:

THE CROTCH-PUNCHING ARM-SWINGER

That shit sucks. Look, tourist fatty, you're walking down a busy city street with a bunch of people on it. You can't swing your arms back and forth to 90 degrees with reckless abandon with each stride. You're not in Decatur anymore. Here and in cities across the US, those of us who have shit besides seeing the plastic cows and furniture on Michigan Avenue to do have to get around your slow, middle-of-the-sidewalk, walking-four-across asses. So, don't swing your arms like crazy when we're walking behind you or we try to get by you. I know that my trouser snake and trouser oranges are scrumptious and desirable, but you will have to blow me in a truck stop bathroom like everyone else, not cop and cheap feel on the street.

Leave the crotch-punching to our GOP senatorial candidates.*

* Have you guys heard about this one? OMG, the guy who played the Klingon on Deep Space Nine and married the porn star who ran for governor in New York and ran for Chicago senator and their kid had a special need to get into some sex club in Paris!

Michigan Ave isn't in the Loop.