Forums

[taxwonk]

Newport, RI - Prom night for Melissa Katzen meant wearing a brand new dress, riding in a limousine and being escorted to the dance by Trent Freegan, star athlete and the most popular boy in her high school class.

What it didn't mean was giving up her virginity, despite an expensive dinner and a $500- per-night luxury hotel suite paid for by Freegan and several of his football teammates.

"I thought we were going to stay up all night and play games and maybe even sip some alcohol. Then he got on the bed and told me he wanted me 'to go downtown.' I was like, 'huh? Aren't we already downtown?'"

Now ostracized for spending the night fully clothed with one foot on the floor, Katzen has lost all of the popular friends she worked tirelessly to earn over the course of her high school career.

"My parents had to change our phone number. We received threatening letters and in the middle of the night someone trimmed our hedges to resemble a giant vagina. And I noticed that the hymen was no longer intact, which was obviously done on purpose."

In addition, since Freegan went public with his gripe, Katzen suddenly received rejection letters from several prestigious colleges she had previously been accepted to, along with an explanation that they wanted to avoid the kind of negative publicity associated with frigid and/or prude girls.

University of Pennsylvania Admissions Director Carl Epperly felt strongly that while it's perfectly acceptable to be a virgin, it was not acceptable to "just lay motionless on a hotel bed next to a boy and not thank him properly for an evening of dinner and dancing. That's just not right."

Melissa Katzen disagrees, saying that she shouldn't be judged by her closely-guarded virginity -- she should be judged by four years of hard work, several extra curricular activities and a college essay about why she's never had sex.

In a letter, Melissa's parents reassured college admission boards they were confident that, like most 18-year-old females with high ideals, their daughter will eventually become more and more slutty and insecure, and eventually appear on a reality TV show where she will have sex with a handsome bachelor in front of a national audience.

Melissa's parents then reimbursed Trent Freegan for the cost of the hotel room.