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[Oliver_Wendell_Ramone]

Originally posted by paigowprincess
You sholud be lucky you have this board. You can see the progresion of your life as it flashes before your eyes. And you can see the alternative route.

First, if you go the Sequels route, you are Sebby. Guy with is living in his party past while his wife locks his balls down in his Philly future with her plastic surgery cravings. Your balls hang lower while her face grows tighter and her tits firmer. But so long as that ass stays tight, Sebby is safely on his way to

Sidd Finch land. This is where Mrs. Sebby pops out a kid, and Sebby really starts to love the law. The thrill of ranting in the courtroom full of handpicked captives who will believe that he is mainly correct about mostly everything. He learns to love the built in audeince forced to hear the rants as they sit transfixed while dreaming about cheese steaks. In the meantime, he realizes he will never fuck anyone else again and really hones his act on the Mrs in an effort to become the nest GreatFuck. These are the glory days, Coltrane, your late thirties. THey seem far away, but they are not. Relish them because before you know it you are

Bilmore. Reality tv discussions make you bitter that people are wasting their lives and arent kayaking. Lilfe is short as Bilmore knows. Why waste it watching tv? Soon the kids are gone and you are . . . . What happened to him anyway? Is he still with us? Bilmore?

But before you get to depressed about taking the Sequels sleighride, consider the other option

First you are Slave. You didnt get married, and your best companions are the bottle and the mirror. You practice shaving your pubes into dollar signs, but its too hard, so you just shave the whole thing off. WHich feels good, so why not the whole body? It takes an hour every mornig, but so what, your body is all you have if you are in thee Slave Stage. Getting laid is how youare validated. And you gotta go to the gym, a lot, to maintain the physique that must be maintained for the hairless. Or is it the other way around?

But the Slave way is exhausting and soon you are into your next phase, The Less phase. This is basically the same as the slave phase, but its more bottle, and less mirror, unless of course there are coke lines on the mirror. The goal is the same, to get laid. ANd its getting harder to do so. Where did everyone go? Should you get botox also? How big is that porn collection? And why is your only skill saving up your splooge so it shoots really far on your biannual sex sessions? As you can tell from the board, there is no phase after the Less phase. This is you until you die.


Really, its not much better than ABC's reality show Last Best Chance. Hats off to you. Just dont shit in Atticus's bed unless you have a nice set of clean sheets.

I don't usually like to quote long passages, but I couldn't cut this up. Paigow, your recent sabbatical served you well. You've emerged recharged. Best post in recent memory. And, as an added bonus, fine fodder for a Thurgreed "translation." Thurgreed, you up for the challenge?