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[Gattigap]

TNR rates the GOP 2008 field (focusing on those other than the McCain/Ahnuld/Rudy field that have been discussed ad nauseum). It's not bad, and I particularly like their grading system and keys to improvement.

• There's been a lot of caterwauling over our grading system. The critics say it's "unfair" and "arbitrary." The critics have since been liquidated. I suggest you keep your trap shut.
  
  In addition to letter grades, we've identified some areas of improvement for each candidate, based on the following key:
  
  * You're still too fat. I'm sorry. Or you're boring. Or both.
  
  ^ Your red hot rage could ignite an igloo, transforming it into a towering inferno the likes of which have heretofore been seen only in the deepest reaches of Hades. This could be good or bad.
  
  $ Sure, we claim to like politicians from hardscrabble backgrounds, but secretly we want to be ruled by top-hat-wearing toffs swaddled in gold lamé.
  
  @ Had you not opposed the Federal Marriage Amendment, the only bulwark against the unstoppable advance of the Homosexual Agenda, you might have had a chance.
  
  # While you may have sworn undying loyalty to George W. Bush, our Maximum Leader, one is alarmed by your failure, thus far, to cover yourself with elaborate tattoos proclaiming said undying loyalty. That or you endorsed John McCain in 2000.
  
  & If you're going to win reelection, win big.
  
  ~ You should have won your home state for the prez. This ain't no disco.