Quote:
Originally posted by sebastian_dangerfield
It ain't that great. You get to a point where you're just "getting back to normal." You have to screw it on to the point of near stroke level blood pressure and severe, irreversible liver damage to get back to that peak you hit years ago, where, with the right mixture, you felt like you were turned into a point of light and fired across the universe from a laser cannon. Its a constant game of switching the mixtures. But no matter what I do, I can't grab that same feeling of euphoria I got when I was 18 and had my mind sandblasted with really insane hallucinogens. Its harder and harder to get "Monday" out of my head. But you try, and thats noble, and its all you can do. And its a fun experiment even when the results aren't earth shattering.
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Good god, sometimes I used to lament not having had enough fun in college and grad school. Now I'm glad that the experience was simply pretty good. I used to envy people who talked about college as the best years of their lives and would give anything to go back. but now I realize how paralyzing that would be. Jesus Christ, Sebby, I've had more fun in the past year or so than I did in four years of college, and I'm looking forward to a lot more. Yes, I'd love to recapture that feeling of endless possibility that I had back then, but you can't hold on to that past, say, 25, anyway.
You have to stop living in the past, or comparing everything to the past. Your prism is fucked up, Sebby -- to hear you tell it, nothing will ever measure up to some previous experience. Your life is now and for the next 50 (well, maybe 40) years.
