Quote:
Originally posted by robustpuppy
Good god, sometimes I used to lament not having had enough fun in college and grad school. Now I'm glad that the experience was simply pretty good. I used to envy people who talked about college as the best years of their lives and would give anything to go back. but now I realize how paralyzing that would be. Jesus Christ, Sebby, I've had more fun in the past year or so than I did in four years of college, and I'm looking forward to a lot more. Yes, I'd love to recapture that feeling of endless possibility that I had back then, but you can't hold on to that past, say, 25, anyway.
You have to stop living in the past, or comparing everything to the past. Your prism is fucked up, Sebby -- to hear you tell it, nothing will ever measure up to some previous experience. Your life is now and for the next 50 (well, maybe 40) years.
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Damn, you just clobbered me, and I have no return.
Haven't you ever needed "the bigger high"? I switch jobs, I switch drinks, cars, houses, hobbies, you name it... Objectively, I am rather happy, and were you to meet me, you'd likely think I had a pretty good gig.
But its never going to be enough. As soon as I get one thing, I need another, and it just doesn't stop. I think I put my finger on it years ago. People aren't wired for routine. I cannot do/be/consume any of one thing for two long without becoming utterly disinterested in it... and it happens fast... Imagine high speed ADD coupled with aninsatiable appetitie to constantly be entertained. It helps in this career because I enjoy learning shit, but for all other aspects of my life, I really want this afflication gone. I watch my neighbor mow his lawn and wave to his wife as she leaves for work and think "Fuck, why is he so happy? That's so boring?" Yet I realize its impossible to live in a casino of constant new pleasures my entire life. There is no job that allows one to just travel the world soaking up as much shit as you can and trying a gazillion things until you die. And thats exactly what I want to do. My "college prism" isn't pining for college so much as pining for some revelatory in the same way college was revelatory, something to grab me by the balls and interest me every day. Something stimulating.
I guess its pretty naive and arrogant to think I should be perpetually entertained and interested in whatever i'm doing, but hey... thets the wiring I have upstairs, and I haven't been able to fix it for over three decades, so I'm fairly sure its permanent. What can I say...
