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[Shape Shifter]

I just noticed the thead title, and am reminded of a horrible event that happened to me. I typically try to avoid shit posts out of deference to the weaker stomached posters, but I recently had the worst shit of my life, and it was definitely a Thing That Sucked. I will provide space for those who do not wish to read about it so they can scroll by or put me on ignore.


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It started promisingly enough. I found a good stall, with no one on either side and a current sports page. I grabbed the paper, settled on my throne, and started the business at hand. I leaned forward while turning the page, and this activated the automatic flusher. While I still find this disconcerting, I have gotten somewhat used to this happening and didn't think much of it.

Then, gradually, my balls started feeling a little cool . . . a little wet . . . higher and higher and . . . HOLY SHIT! The toilet was overflowing! I jumped up, shocked and disgusted, still confused and amazed at what was going on. I struggled to keep my pants and shoes out of the overflowing foul water. Mortified, I struggled with the tp as I contemplated how to clean myself. Could it get any worse?

Yes. A maintenance guy walked up to the stall, and said, "Oh, man, you didn't flush that, did you?" I was dumbfounded. I couldn't believe he was talking to me while I tried to fix myself in the stall. Nobody had ever talked to me while I was in a stall.

And what a stupid question. "It flushed itself." He just muttered, "Oh, no. Oh, no. It was broken." I couldn't believe I had to have a conversation with someone who soon would be cleaning up my waste, and I grew infuriated.

"Why didn't you put up a fucking Out of Order sign?"

"We don't have a sign."

"Well, why don't you fucking make one?"

I finished drying my balls, feeling sick in my stomach. I stormed out of the hall as quickly as I could, trying to have as little face-to-face time as I could with the maintenance guy, who was still muttering, "Oh, no. Oh, no." I couldn't get too far, though, because, fuck, I had to wash my hands.

Shaken and completely traumatized, I made up some excuse about feeling nauseous and went home to shower, feeling dirtier than Charles when he lost his virginity. I should sue.