Quote:
Originally posted by bold_n_brazen
Because I recently lived through something remarkably like this (although I wasn't cheating. I was merely accused of cheating.) I feel compelled to give advice.
First, you need to be clear on what it is that you want. If you want to stay married to her, that's cool. If her appearing to be having an affair, or if her actually having an affair is a deal-breaker for you, that's cool too. But you need to know going in what your preferred outcome is.
Then you need to talk to her about it. You need to find out if she's actually fucking Bill or if she's just thinking about it. And you need to think about what those things mean. And then decide if you can get over it.
I tend to think that marriage counseling is a valuable tool, even if all it does is make you realise that you don't really want to be married anymore. But it gives you things to think about and talk about. And at this point, thinking about things and talking about things is definitely in order.
You can clean out the bank accounts, etc. but if you actually divorce, you're going to have to cough all that cash up anyway. I'm pretty sure that absent an agreement to the contrary, all that cash is marital property just about everywhere. The temptation is to make the divorce as hard as possible, to punish your spouse for her misdeeds. I can also tell you that from a proactical standpoint, that's likely the worst and most expensive way to proceed. If you can find a way to do a collaborative divorce, you both wind up about where you would have been anyway, without all the fighting and litigation and paying the lawyers.
Even if she's just thinking about fucking Bill, it's pretty bad for you. Women want to have sex with men they fall in love with. This is a huge generalization, but I think even more appropriate when we are talking about within the confines of marriage. That someone else piqued my interest was a huge red flag for me that something was dying inside my marriage. I don't think I would have been open to that possibility had everything been copasetic at home. It's not the reason I left my marriage, but it was a big sign that my marriage was not a healthy one.
And just to cover my ass, I will say, if cuckold is my husband, honey, this is fucking pathetic. If not, I'm sorry for you. There's nothing fun about this situation, especially where kids are involved, and I wish you luck. PM me if you want to vent.
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I am wonking here so won't specifically reply to this except to ask, how can any marriage survive the loss of trust? or any relationship? He suspects her of cheating so he cant trust her again, right? And he is snooping, wich means he doesnt trust her and if she knew, she wouldnt trust him. This is toast, even with kids, right?
Actually, I will respond to one of bnb's points. My closest friend from college is married to a guy she has been with for probalby fifteen years or so. One night, before they got married, she and I went out and hooked upwith a couple of brazilian guys. She only made out with her guy but it was like she was swept off her feet. Couldnt stop thinking of him, confided that her then bf isnt good in bed. Fast forward a few years. She marries this guy and develops a huge crush on some dude from the gym. Also confides in me that sex is not great with the husband and when i suggest vibrators, she says she doesnt want to become depednent on that stuff. She is still married to this guy, who worships her, and has two kids. From what I can telll, the kids are the center of the uiniverse and the guy feels a little left out. But I dont think anyone would dream or think of divorce. Maybe its a matter of priorities. You cant have your cake and eat it too.
And fringey, please dont say. mmmmmmmmmmmmm cake. You neither, Shifter. It just isnt humorous
