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[sebastian_dangerfield]

Originally posted by lo han kuo
Hi FBkiddies! Long-time lurker, first-time poster here (and no, I am not a Penske sock).

I have an interoffice relationship dilemma. I am not sure how helpful you all will be, but one never knows.

Here’s the 411, I am “of counsel” at a regional BIG firm in flyover land. Up for partnership next year. Recently I had two significant events happen at the firm.

My secretary of several years, who I have long suspected of being a pre-op trannie or drag queen (an observation that I had mentioned to a few other co-workers), but somewhat attractive in a “if I put those two possibilities out of my mind” sort of way, got fired. Deep sixxed. Canned. The immediate reason was that she completely fucked the pooch on a document distribution for another attorney, but one of the HR people had put her in the cross hairs a long time ago, so it was a good excuse. So she exits on bad terms, but without hating me.

Prior to the axe falling I started an interoffice romance with a summer. Did I mention I am married? And up for partner next year. OOOOPS! It is what it is and it’s all but over (a pure summer romance), but for the following issue that arose that ties the two events together.

Two weeks ago, I am out with Ms. Summer at a hole in the wall bar off the beaten track. Who walks in but Ex-Secretary. Busted. She comes over and the first thing she says is “Don’t worry, I won’t say anything”. Shit! Fuck! So she invites herself to sit down. Says she is meeting a GF. At this point I feel compelled to be nice to protect my ass. One thing leads to another, Ex-Sec orders shots, and then more shots and soon everyone is wasted. Ex-Sec’s friend calls and cancels, at which point, Ex-Sec suggests we go to Club XYZ where another friend of hers is a bartender. We feel sort of roped in so we play along.

As we are walking down the street, with plenty of other foot-traffic, out of the blue, Ex-Sec, somewhat drunkenly, stops and drops her skirt and panties and says, “see, all woman”. Shit! Fuck! The wrath of office gossip comes back to bite me on the ass, with plenty of aghast lookers-on to witness. We convince her to pull it together and we jump in a cab and head to club. In the cab Ex-Sec proceeds to flash the cab driver. Things are going down hill fast. We get to the club and Ex-Sec runs into some friends and starts talking. We say we are going to the bar for drinks and leaver her. As soon as we get to the bar, Summer and I look at each other and in unison say, “let’s ditch her”. Which we do.

About 3 days later, Summer gets a call at work. Ex-Sec. “We must have lost each other. I was soooo drunk. So, let’s get together again. Soon. And by the way, I would be up for a threesome”. Summer politely made up an excuse as to why she couldn’t talk just then and hung up. Since then Ex-Sec has called her a half dozen times seeking to get together, with either Summer or the two of us. Summer keeps putting her off, but its getting a little psycho-stalkerish. Summer is not into the woman loving thing (unfortunately) and neither of us is into the psycho Ex-Sec. Sexually or otherwise.

So the $64,000 question is:

How does Summer put an end to the calls without creating a dust-up that might expose our affair within the firm?

Help?

Fight fire with fire - introduce the Ex-Sec to Spanky.