"I'm a 4'2", balding, port-a-let cleaner with dirty fingernails that lives with his step-mother. My dad died in an controversial felching accident when I was 5. Now they call me turd-gerbil. Instead of an asshole, I now have a nice cluster of hemorrhoidal "grapes" gently tucked between my butt cheeks and for some reason, they smell like clams. My last bowel movement was 9 days ago. They hurt so bad that every time I try to shit, I cry. Speaking of shit, a hooker shit diarrhea in my eyes four months ago... I still can't see.
I have something resembling lava temperature pumpkin pie filling spilling from my cock and my right nut has swollen to at least 3 times the size of the other. I have a large, angry lump in my armpit that I swear makes noise, my cat shit in my bed, my sister is fucking all my friends, and someone keeps leaving little Cornish game hens stuffed with used condoms on my doorstep."
http://www.mymiserablelife.com/archive/40s.shtml
[Various tales of woe, some real, some obviously not: sfw, from what I have seen. . .]
