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[Replaced_Texan]

As ya'll may remember, I have an unhealthy interest in Texas Penal Code § 43.23, specifically sub section (f) ("A person who possesses six or more obscene devices or identical or similar obscene articles is presumed to possess them with intent to promote the same"), and the definition of "obcene device" in Texas Penal Code § 43.21 ("a device including a dildo or artificial vagina, designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs").

As an owner of more than six sex toys, I've taken great interest in the subject. The Houston Press reports on a recent case under the statute.

An HPD sex-toy crackdown goes limp
Sex-toy crackdown

Jose Escalante is a free man. And for that, dildo lovers all across Houston should celebrate.

Escalante is a clerk at Adult Video Megaplex in north Houston, and he faced a year in jail and a $4,000 fine for selling obscene devices. Specifically, according to the arrest report, such novelties as the "Hustler Cyber Jel-Lee Magnum Cock With Balls Dildo."

As a practical matter, according to Richard Kuniansky, Escalante's lawyer, police take into account just how much an item resembles an actual penis when making an arrest. A vibrator is fine; a "magnum cock with balls dildo" is not. Having more than six dildos means you intend to distribute them, and that's against the law.

Escalante's trial began October 11. "Jury selection was highly unusual in a case like this," Kuniansky says, "because I didn't want someone who would freak out over seeing a great big penis. So during jury selection I literally pulled out the biggest, baddest penis I could find and held it up."

Not his own, apparently, because no indecent exposure charges have been filed.

Five of the six jury members were women, and they watched as Kuniansky grilled the arresting HPD officer over just what made a dildo illegal.

After two hours of deliberation, they came back with a not-guilty verdict. Kuniansky believes they based their verdict on whether a $10.50-an-hour clerk like Escalante could really be deemed to be "in possession of" the satanic contraband.

"I hope this verdict sends a message loud and clear to the Harris County District Attorney's Office and the HPD Vice Division that we have more important crimes to be dealing with than the possession of dildos and artificial vaginas and whether or not people in the city of Houston choose to masturbate with such devices," Kuniansky says.

Well said, sir. Of course, he wasn't so confident before the trial began.

"If I lose this," he says he told himself, "I'll be a real dick."