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The Houston Press wanted to know where it all went wrong this year for the Astros. So they consulted a professional:

Where did things go wrong? It's easy to pinpoint. On October 17, at 10:44 p.m., closer Brad Lidge, a pitcher so unhittable he'd earned the name "Lights Out," gave up a ninth-inning go-ahead homer to the Cards' Albert Pujols. The Astros, and Lidge especially, have never been the same since.

The only way to scientifically explain all this is through astrology. Houston astrologist Figgy Jones used cutting-edge computer technology to analyze where the stars were at that point, and what they mean for the ugly, evil thing that was born at 10:44 that dismal October night.

Any idiot who knows astrology (umm...straining mightily not to make a "redundancy alert" here) could have predicted Pujols's blast at that moment, Jones says. The Card first baseman "had a sudden burst of masculine hunting-and-gathering energy, courtesy of Uranus hitting his Mars."

Lidge, on the other hand, was -- wait for it -- having doubts about whether he wanted his team to win. At that moment in time, Jones says, he might have felt it was better for the universe for the Cardinals to triumph. "Maybe deep down, he saw the Astros as not as deserving as whatever the other team Pujols was on," says Jones, obviously not a fantasy-baseball freak. "Instead of taking one for the team, he gave one up -- for the collective team of the 'greater good.' "

She goes on to explain that (something long and astrologically technical about Mars) happened, "meaning his actions were in the best interest of his deeply held beliefs...Lidge unconsciously saw that day, that moment -- based on the exact time, which we have -- in clear focus."

Well, that explains that. Although we kinda wish Lidge just would have begged off from pitching that night instead of serving one up.

So what does the future hold for Lidge? (Or, more important, Astros fans?) Nothing much good: "He may go into some type of humanitarian work, but it won't be for a few years," Jones says. "He's got to thoroughly get disillusioned with professional baseball first."

ETA: and Ask a Mexican is currently my favorite syndicated column nationwide.