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[Shape Shifter]

I watched MTVs Video Music Awards because, well, I'll drop the charade here and advise you as to my pathetic, miserable existence. I have no life.


SPOILER




Chris Rock - made the event watchable. My personal fave was when he said Good Charlotte sounded like mediocre Green Day.

Good Charlotte - who gave these Hot Topic shoppers a record deal?

Madonna, et al. - the only thing sexy about the Madonna/Britney kiss is that is was Madonna & Britney. Otherwise, it was wooden and creepy, like the Gores. I missed the Madonna/Christina smooch because I excused myself to go the bathroom and let my imagination do for me what reality could not.

50 cent - for a bullet-riddled crotch grabber, he's an engaging performer. He needs acceptance speech lessons.

Eminem - should have known better than to do the tard puppet bit.

Metallica - shitty cover band.

Justin Timberlake - amiable doofus.

Fab 5 - sharkjump. And how are six people supposed to present an award? Hurt some feelings, keep it down to 2 and leave the stage uncluttered. Isn't there a QE for stage direction?

Duran Duran - glad they got the surprize award. Such a surprize that no one seemed to realize they were getting an award. How embarrassing for them that Kelly Osbourne has to buy them a standing O. The sound failure was just gravy on the cake.

Missy E - "And, here to my right, I'd like to thank the caterer's assistant."

Coldplay - Chris Rock got it wrong. You can't commit suicide when your asleep. Yawn.

Olsen Twins - I myself can hardly wait the 288 days, nine hours and four minutes. But do they have to talk?

JLo - deliberate snub for which I can never forgive MTV. Aside from the many film commitments in the Niagara Falls area, you can't expect a legitimate talent and star like JLo to attend every pissant awards show. Give the woman an award already, if for nothing more than her transcendent beauty and captivating charm. Bull, cow. Gobble, gobble.

Overall - Were they using a special fat leg lens? Or is junk in the trunk in?