Quote:
Originally Posted by Hank Chinaski
you know how polluters can sell their bad acts to good companies, like carbon footprint erasing? do you know if I can pay you to take on some of my red card infractions here before it's too late for me?
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Indeed. Here's a transcript of my recent IM chat session with Not Bob.
Not Bob's Id: Yo, have you seen Hank's reply to your ncs song?
Not Bob: Of course I did. When I am not constantly refreshing the browser to see if anyone has responded to one of my posts, I have Google Alerts send a notification to my BlackBerry.
Not Bob: Let me tell you, it took long enough.
Not Bob: Oh, and what are you doing out?
Not Bob's Id: Your ego and superego are busy watching that YouTube video of those British guys reuniting with their pet lion.
Not Bob's Id: Again.
Not Bob's Id: And I can only take too much of Whitney singing that particular song before I crack.
Not Bob: I remember. My cousin Mary Elizabeth is still not speaking to me. You really caused quite the scene at her wedding.
Not Bob's Id: Oh, please. Like I was the only one who wondered whether that minx Colleen the bridesmaid was willing to go for a romp in the coatroom. Is it my fault that Father O'Reilly walked in on us? Who knew that he needed to leave early for the Ottaviano funeral?
Not Bob: Right. Anyway, what is your point?
Not Bob's Id: Bro, as much as it pains me to say this, Chinaski is right. The ncs song is lame-o. Nicey-nice. Sickeningly so, even for you. Jesus, how did you ever get laid?
Not Bob: (a) What bad things can one say about ncs? (b) Do you know how hard it was to come up with a song that had a three-syllablle name? (c) What's wrong with being nice?
Not Bob's Id: Ok, fine, I agree that ncs isn't really someone you can blast. I mean, she's no e/o or tmdiva. But couldn't you have at least mentioned how badly you want to peel those hipster Levi cords off of her? Ripping her vintage April Wine concert t-shirt to get at her? Easing those funky Lisa Loeb glasses off of her, while whispering "Good heavens Miss Sakamoto - you're beautiful!" into her ear?
Not Bob: Huh?
Not Bob's Id: It's a line from Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me With Science." Hipster chicks dig that sort of retro-irony, post-irony sincerity thing.
Not Bob: You are insane. Besides, I picture her as Jennifer Aniston.
Not Bob's Id: Oh, that's right. So why nothing about biting each and every bit of the 15 items of flair off of her?
Not Bob: Uh . . .
Not Bob's Id: Yeah, I thought so.
Not Bob's Id: Listen, pal -- gotta run. Ego and superego are arguing about whether Andy Williams or Perry Como did "Born Free," and you know how much I just love a good nerd fight.
