Forums

[notcasesensitive]

Originally Posted by Not Bob's Id

Indeed. Here's a transcript of my recent IM chat session with Not Bob.

Not Bob's Id: Yo, have you seen Hank's reply to your ncs song?

Not Bob: Of course I did. When I am not constantly refreshing the browser to see if anyone has responded to one of my posts, I have Google Alerts send a notification to my BlackBerry.

Not Bob: Let me tell you, it took long enough.

Not Bob: Oh, and what are you doing out?

Not Bob's Id: Your ego and superego are busy watching that YouTube video of those British guys reuniting with their pet lion.

Not Bob's Id: Again.

Not Bob's Id: And I can only take too much of Whitney singing that particular song before I crack.

Not Bob: I remember. My cousin Mary Elizabeth is still not speaking to me. You really caused quite the scene at her wedding.

Not Bob's Id: Oh, please. Like I was the only one who wondered whether that minx Colleen the bridesmaid was willing to go for a romp in the coatroom. Is it my fault that Father O'Reilly walked in on us? Who knew that he needed to leave early for the Ottaviano funeral?

Not Bob: Right. Anyway, what is your point?

Not Bob's Id: Bro, as much as it pains me to say this, Chinaski is right. The ncs song is lame-o. Nicey-nice. Sickeningly so, even for you. Jesus, how did you ever get laid?

Not Bob: (a) What bad things can one say about ncs? (b) Do you know how hard it was to come up with a song that had a three-syllablle name? (c) What's wrong with being nice?

Not Bob's Id: Ok, fine, I agree that ncs isn't really someone you can blast. I mean, she's no e/o or tmdiva. But couldn't you have at least mentioned how badly you want to peel those hipster Levi cords off of her? Ripping her vintage April Wine concert t-shirt to get at her? Easing those funky Lisa Loeb glasses off of her, while whispering "Good heavens Miss Sakamoto - you're beautiful!" into her ear?

Not Bob: Huh?

Not Bob's Id: It's a line from Thomas Dolby's "She Blinded Me With Science." Hipster chicks dig that sort of retro-irony, post-irony sincerity thing.

Not Bob: You are insane. Besides, I picture her as Jennifer Aniston.

Not Bob's Id: Oh, that's right. So why nothing about biting each and every bit of the 15 items of flair off of her?

Not Bob: Uh . . .

Not Bob's Id: Yeah, I thought so.

Not Bob's Id: Listen, pal -- gotta run. Ego and superego are arguing about whether Andy Williams or Perry Como did "Born Free," and you know how much I just love a good nerd fight.

The song was good. (And now comes the part where my ungrateful youngest child mentality comes out. Also known as The Reason People Don't Write Song Parodies About Me.) But some sort of angsty grrl song or 80's brit pop probably would have captured my essence better.