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Lounge Lizard
Hello, fashionable lawtalkers! Montecore, here, with a little update as to my wellbeing. First of all, thanks to all of you for your extensive lobbying efforts on my behalf. I consider this a giant first step towards protecting the civil rights of all Mutant Inbred Tigers everywhere. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
As you undoubtedly have heard, I am safely out of "quarantine" (again, thank you) and I am resting comfortably at the Secret Garden. I am not longer being exploited by being made to jump through hoops by those whining rhinestoned freakboys.
Trouble is, I actually miss performing. I'm bored. I miss the lights. I miss the adoring crowd. I miss the glamour of the Vegas Strip. And, let's face it, I miss the hookers and blow as much as any cat.
So I'm trying to put a little comedy act together. I'm giving you, my largest supporters, a little sneak peak. I'd appreciate your feedback (ha ha, I'm a natural).
Good evening, folks!!! I'm your furry, funny feline Montecore! Anybody from out of town tonight?
[chirp, chirp]
Oooooooo. Tough crowd. Grrrrrrr! You may have heard me mentioned in the news lately. I've been making headlions! [ba dump dump] As you know, a few Fridays ago, I decided to take a walk on the wild side and sample the flesh of my trainer Roy. Which was too bad. Because everyone knows that tigers like to eat people on Chewsdays. [ba dump dump]
[chirp, chirp]
Help me out here, folks. I don't dance - this is all I do. But seriously, I really feel bad about the whole Roy situation. He's doing better, but still, I just feel sick about it - let's face it, you just can't keep a good man down. [ba dump dump] You'll be glad to learn that everything came out okay in the end. [ba dump dump]
[raucous laughter]
Can't say I didn't enjoy the experience, though. If I had my way I'd be feeding off his corpse like ABC off John Ritter. [ba dump dump]
[more raucous laughter]
But, despite me almost eating him alive, things remain tight between Roy and me. I was at his bedside when he awoke. He asked if I had anything to say for myself. I said, "Yeah. I'm Montecore. Pleased to eat you." [ba dump dump] He said, "Oh yeah? I've got half a mind to have you put to sleep." Lucky for me that half of his mind was in a pouch in his stomach.
[thunderous applause]
Thank you folks. You've been wonderful. Thank you for your support, and I know you'll want to see me working with Celine soon.
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Free Me!
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