Quote:
Originally Posted by ThurgreedMarshall
My ex moved out to the suburbs. I can honestly say that if I moved to the suburbs, I would kill myself.
Some things that would lead me to this:
[LIST][*]Going to a "good" restaurant in a strip mall[*]Conversation with other suburban people--I manage to survive it at my daughter's games, but if these people were my only options, forget it[*]Doing house and yard stuff[*]Knowing which of my neighbors votes for Trump with their little yard signs[*]People minding my fucking business ("Well, his car is there, he must be home")[*]Commuting[*]Car culture[*]Idle housewives power walking or whatever[*]Malls--holy fuck do I hate malls
TM
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These all suck, but this is just a taste. Here's the unexpurgated version (I'm sure others will even add to this):
- Home maintenance
- Yard maintenance
- People who talk about home and yard maintenance
- See that one above? Here it is again, in bold:
People who talk about home and yard maintenance
- Once more, with italics, too:
People who talk about home and yard maintenance
- People who read only the local papers
- Parents whose only ventures are travel teams with their kids
- The unironic wearing of football jerseys (this takes place in cities, too, but usually only near stadiums, or in blockhead neighborhoods)
- The homeowner's association
- McMansions with the "Texas Arch" (useless two story, two column, domed portico fronting domed window... to give you an unobstructed view of the chandelier hanging from their two story, but only 12 x 12 foyer)
- Homes brick or faux stone fronted, but coated in siding on the sides and back
- Having to Uber everywhere because every good bar/restaurant is a DUI concern
- Having to even think about filling the car with gas
- No late nite bodega of any value
- Shoveling snow/getting driveway plowed
- Good luck finding a good tailor
- No good mens clothing stores
- Keeping up with Joneses home competition ("We have an outdoor popcorn oven, and this custom cabinet holds our collection of various wine aerators! Have I shown you the hand carved crown-molding in the dust room? It's right here, just off the mud room, next to the children's theatre.")
