Quote:
Originally posted by ThurgreedMarshall
I'll field this one since all the other liars out there will just lie to you about ever doing something like this.
Meeting with an ex is inherently dangerous. I don't care on what terms you split or how good and platonic your friendship now is. You once fucked them and found them very attractive. It is highly likely that you will find them attractive again. This is how every SO in the world thinks about exes. Everyone who says otherwise is completely full of shit.
So, why go? Because you think you won't find them attractive enough to act on it and you enjoy their company even though it didn't work out with them. You have convinced yourself that you are mature enough to have an adult conversation with them without jumping their bones, etc.
It's not necessarily that you have evil plans that your SO need not know about. It's more like "Why not just save myself the headache of the drawn-out conversation over someone who matters enough to only rate a drink every year or so?" And before you say, "But you've created more work with the lie than the conversation would be," I'll have to say: Wrong. Because you will have the conversation then. You will have the conversation another half-dozen times too. And if you don't actually have that conversation over and over, the SO is going over it in their head on their own at least as many times.
TM
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Exception to rule (and I suspect this only applies to women) is the SO you dated bc they treated you like a goddess even though the attraction wasnt where it should be and ultimately, it felt more like a friendship so you broke up but stayed friends bc that person was your best friend for a long time. once i had a phone call with this ex and the then SO called in on the other line and I explained i was talking about a traumatic event that the ex and I went through to gether bc i needed to work that out in my head (the SO should have understood this bc we had spoken of it and the fact that i was still working through it). I stayed on phoen with ex and told SO i would call himback. He hit roof, went into rage and never trusted me again. which was weird bc i was alsways completely devoted to him and had demonstrated as such many times. and he knew he was a million times hotter than my ex.
but i didnt feel i should hide this from the SO bc I dont hide things and I dont lie in a relationship. he had no reason to be threatened and he knew i split from ex bc i just wasnt into him. but he flipped. I think this was moer a reflection on my SO then on how to handle a situation. A more secure, well adjusted individual woudnt have flipped in those circs.
