Quote:
Originally posted by notcasesensitive
I have a problem with it for two reasons -- (1) your scenario involved you actively doing things to cover up the meeting - I don't understand why lying about it to the SO would be the right thing to do, and (2) even if you went with the "it didn't come up" thing, meeting with an ex is the type of thing that a SO would probably want to know about, so if you are not actively lying, you are still keeping information that is relevant to your SO from him/her.
Really to me it is about honest communication and building trust. You think there's no problem as long as you don't get caught. I think there is a fundamental problem with the communication in the relationship.
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Well, that's fair.
But I don't want to talk to you about everthing. You can have great communication in a relationship without having to share absolutely everything. If I had an incredible relationship with some hot girl that burned itself out relatively quickly, but turned into a friendship that I value (but only keep up with here and there), I don't want to have to explain the ins and outs of that relationship to you in the name of communication. I find this is common on the female side of the relationship. You must communicate for the sake of communication. Sometimes it's unnecessary. Just because you want to know
everything doesn't make it necessary.
The conversations about past girlfriends NEVER go well. And when they do, one party is holding back (either the teller is not telling everything or the listener isn't sharing all of their feelings about it or asking all of the questions they have -- and these questions WILL get asked at some point (more headaches for later)).
The fact remains that it is no big deal. I may be at fault for making it a big deal if you find out about it. But if you never do, it remains NO BIG DEAL. The simple fact that you don't know about it doesn't (in and of itself) make it a big deal -- especially if you don't find out about it.
If the issue we are debating centered on something that was a big deal to me that I was trying to hide from you, then the lack of communication is probably fatal. But I don't see how keeping something from you that amounts to nothing (and that you won't find out about) is such an issue.
TM
